Am I the problem?

Hi everyone!

I’ve never really been optimistic. As matter of fact, I always want to die when I talk to someone about an actual problem (already negative and most of the time colossal) and they spin me with the ‘it’s going to be alright’ sticker on my forehead. That tells me that they really want me to throw them in the fountain and walk away.

I know it sounds contradictory to most of my posts because I spend half of them telling you (and me) that everything happens for a reason and how to fix your current situation that I know too well. Today, after a failed conversation with my mom, I started writing this post mainly to identify a problem, rather than to fix it.

I had difficulty sleeping last night and I had those life questions scary nights. Where do I see myself in a year? Do I really want to get married? Am I built for relationships? Can I really raise 6 kids? Why am I not a millionaire? Am I still afraid of driving? Am I overloaded with other people’s problems? Why does my blog/channel not do that well? Why don’t I like to teach myself how to make myself pretty? Why don’t I like gyms? Why does my body hurt so much? When am I going to die? Will my kids do what I tell them? Do I want to raise them as a single mom? When am I getting a dog/cat? When am I renewing my license? Who takes care of me when I run out of fuel from taking care of others? When will I be truly happy? How will I know if I’m truly happy?

Drama right? I have these questions swirling in my mind, giving me heartburn! It’s not like I have all the answers but I truly feel so drained and absolutely exhausted! I think my brain has had the biggest crisis for the longest time. The moment I unplug for 4 days my mind literally lost it.

In a way I’m thankful this is happening because like I mentioned in my previous post, this is major decisions year and it was naïve of me to think that I will make one major decision and expect everything to fall into place. There are so many frustrating things. I think sometimes you can get lost in all that is happening around you and that causes RIDICULOUS PRESSURE. It’s so crucial in this time to know exactly who you are and what exactly makes you happy. You have to learn to switch off your mind to things you can’t change. And always speak (repetitively) good things into your life that will help you through those stubborn wrinkles that life gives you.

You can get so distracted by what other people are doing and certain choices they make. You can get so consumed with comparison. You can even spend nights awake thinking that you are just made ‘wrong’ and that you are the only person of your kind left on earth. You can even feel so misunderstood. By others and by yourself. However, always do something that you are conscious of. Always own your space. At the end of the day, only you can explain yourself to YOU.

Don’t let the river carry your body downstream.

Be present.

God KNOWS.

Making critical decisions

Hi Everyone!

It’s been exactly 3 months since my last post and almost 3 years since I felt really excited about my life and what’s to come. Today I think I feel more than ready to get back into blogging and the rest of my online life. So many things have changed! People have left and there are new people. Most of the women I follow are now moms and I would say some have had some procedures done – from boob jobs to fixing their teeth! What a time to be alive!

Recently I realized that I’ve creatively starved myself for so long and it’s so hard to get back into the groove. I think I’ve had tunnel vision for the longest time so it’s so hard to figure out where to start. I’m going to let you guys in on some changes. I’ve moved back home and got a new job. I’ve also sold my car (It’s been a year now) which still makes me an amateur driver and my mom won’t let me drive her car. My brother also moved back home which is driving me insane because we can only get along properly long distance. And my adopted sister is still in school which means that I share my room with her which is unacceptable at my age because I’m really missing out on night shift calls! LOL!

So how did we get here? All I can say is that we’ve had to make some critical choices and that’s what the rest of my life is going to be about. That is being deliberate. I’ve spent way too much time letting the river drag my corpse down to an unknown place. I want to be deliberate and even more specific about why I’m here. I’ve always wanted to travel but it always ended up no further than my wishlist and I’ve always wanted to be socially involved and I guess I get to do that with what I do know. I’ve also always wanted to be financially independent and I’ve made some hard choices that will hopefully help me get there.

Here’s the thing about critical decisions – they are never easy. Especially if you are a low risk person like me. You always want to make the right choice and never want it to have any consequences. I think this time around I really believe that ‘you do your best and God does the rest’ because of the way certain things happened - it just can’t be a coincidence! It’s all about that ‘off a cliff’ moment, when you know that God will catch you. You also have to allow change into your life. It might not be upward(or what others would consider upward); it could be a curve or a turn to the left that will eventually go up.

I’ve always considered the 20’s to be learning years. It can be intimidating when your peers or friends already know what they want but I really believe in that small voice. You always heard it when you chose the ‘wrong’ thing, it will eventually steer you toward the right thing because it has that peace factor that you can’t replace or find anywhere else no matter how far you look.

Life is a precious gift. This has been said a thousand times!

This time, treat it like one.

10 things I learnt in my First Year of Work

Hi everyone!

It’s been exactly 19 months since I became a person with bills! What a journey it’s been! I’ve gone from wanting to take a gapyear to 100% anxiety almost every day to being brave in order to learn as much as possible. As you know I do not enjoy my full time job at all and what you guys might not know is that it’s actually a learnership so you are sort of compelled to complete it. So that’s been super stressful because it comes with part time studying which is probably the most frustrating thing I’ve ever had to do.

So despite all that I’ve had to grow up like a million years in a small amount of time. I’m also first born in my family so that comes with its own stress and you can only understand if you’ve ever been expected to help out here and there. I do think, though, that it teaches you responsibility and the ability to take care of your younger siblings.

So today I’ll be sharing with you what I’ve learnt during my first year of being an income earning young adult.

1.       You don’t earn enough money to buy everything you’ve ever wanted

I thought when I walk into a job I will finally be able to get those ‘expensive’ shoes that looked too expensive when I was still getting an allowance (soooo not from mom, lol). I don’t have half the stuff I thought would have by now. There’s just so many other things that need money that soon it’s December and you’re asking yourself where your life went!

2.       Be careful with new acquaintances

I have had so many instances where people use your work number to contact you at home. And men get so excited when a new lady enters their work space that they all try to get to know you at once. Best line to use is ‘I’m not allowed to interact with the client about anything other than work to maintain our independence’. Omw, that’s so genius! (And actually true in our line of work).

3.       Always make time to socialize

It can be frustrating to get to know new people in a new place. I don’t know how my new friends came to be but they mostly originated from friends of fellow trainees and also through church and once off events like ‘Colour Run’ that was sooo much fun!

4.       Create a list of things you’ve always wanted to do

This really helped me this year. Once it’s written down and prayed about it will come to pass and if not then something better will make an appearance. What is really important is to work towards it. There is nothing as exhausting as a person who keeps wanting something but doesn’t lift a finger to do anything about it.

5.       Do not live above your means

Living in debt is not cool. Because it tricks you into believing that you are spending your own money. If you always tap into your credit card – it simply means that you can’t afford your life.

6.       Always buy in bulk

I have this fear of running out of toothpaste. Specifically toothpaste. Don’t know why. Point of it is so that you have some spare cash that you can use on other things that you wouldn’t normally buy. But if you always buy small units of perishables you’ll have no flexibility in your budget.

7.       Vacations only happen when planned

I meant to go on holiday last year and it never happened because I did not plan properly in time. Going on a holiday on credit is a BIG NO! Enjoy Rewards, not INTEREST!

8.       Your weight will be different

I’ve been so many sizes in past year. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can wear care free dresses and sometimes I can’t wear them because my hips are too massive. But that’s okay because it’s never permanent. Find a diet that’s healthy and works for you!

9.       See your family as much as possible

I think that independence means everything to me. So I haven’t been home as much as I could have been so now my Mom comes to me. She’s the only person I would visit at home so this solves that issue! But going home serves such an important purpose. It’s that breeze of fresh air that you just can’t buy.

10.   It’s okay to make mistakes

I think my mom raised me to be a perfectionist. It’s how I’ve always seen myself. But for some reason when I got to varsity I just realized that if you take the shame out of everything you can really live your life to the fullest. It’s okay not to have time, it’s okay to not see all your friends as often as you can. Sometimes we really lose ourselves in trying to get to everything. Sometimes just say NO!

Be Kind,

#WomensMonth Tribute

Hi everyone!!

As you know on 9 August it was Women’s Day and I almost wanted to cry thinking that I should have dedicated this post to all the women in my life!!

But I’ve realized that if you keep a positive attitude then there’s no space for crying over spilled milk. So, just like we like to make February Valentine’s Day MONTH I’ve decided to jump in the bandwagon of my fellow South Africans who are currently celebrating Womens Day MONTH!!

I hope in reading this (whether you’re South African or not) that you’ll also make one woman in your life feel special by dedicating an open letter to them.

Confidence to start a Youtube Channel.

Hi everyone!

This topic was inspired by Stacey and Sophie!!

I have a beginner sort of youtube channel with no set schedules or any video that’s gone past 250 views or went viral. And that’s a good thing because it’s giving me time to ease into it until I’m set to deliver quality videos that have a lot of followers.

Lace Top and Bow Skirt

Hi everyone!!

Over the weekend I was experimenting with some looks. I've never thought about this combination until I started looking around for some neutral colours! Since then this has been my favourite pairing!

I would wear this for drinks with the girls or some sort of cocktail function or even date night on a hot summer night!!

I know some of you guys have the skort - which was one of the trends last summer so that could easily be paired with a nice lace top for effortless chic!

What do you guys think?

Lace top - Cotton On(old)

Skirt - MrPrice

Shoes - MrPrice(old)

Till next time!!

xx

How to End the year like a LEGEND!

Hi Everyone!!

At this point in the year we’re all getting exhausted. We just can’t wait for the summer time even though we’ve only gone through winter for a short time. Everyone is letting go of all the essentials: the hair (solution: winter hats and beanies), the waxing (seriously? You’re in stockings all day and leg warmers at night and long sleeve tops), the exercising (it’s too cold and you’d rather remain in bed) and the New Year’s Resolutions (gurl, that was 6 months ago okaaaaaaaay??)

So a couple of thoughts come up.

1.       How will you spend the rest of the year?

2.       Re-evaluate your goals/adjust /create new ones?

3.       Make life altering changes?

If you’ve gotten comfy with your surroundings and you haven’t done something exciting all year you obviously need to shake things up. It must be awful to drag yourself all year. You have no memories of anything and you can’t remember when you did what because you’re passing through your own life!

-Make a list of things you want to do! Things you like but haven’t done and atleast attempt to do one thing!

-Surround yourself with people with similar interests. Challenge each other in becoming better version of yourselves. Don’t compete. There’s nothing that tears girls apart faster than that (except boys, LOL)

-If the goals you made at the beginning of the year are unrealistic, don’t scrap them – just re-adjust. Make them more flexible and make them work for you. There’s nothing worse than being strangled by a schedule that you created.

-My life altering change would be to change careers but I’m not financially ready for it. Even taking a leap needs planning. You don’t want to hate yourself for pursuing a dream. Your dream will die and then you won’t have anything to live for and that is worse than a tragedy.

-Be ready for anything. Never limit yourself in a little box. I did that for years and finally when I realized how round the earth was, I started opening myself up to new possibilities. In order to go to New York I had to go through a panel interview. Guys, a one on one interview used to render me mute!  And then I had to go through five accomplished adults. One man came out of the interview and told the next candidate what an amazing young woman I was and if you ask me today what the questions were – I wouldn’t even be able to tell you because I was so scared. And then a couple of months later I took my first flight to the Big Apple. Risks=Rewards.

-Shy doesn’t mean unable. When I was younger I used to think that no-one wants to hear me speak. I think I didn’t want to hear myself speak. I just thought that seeing that I wasn’t outspoken, my opinion didn’t matter. And that’s how most things passed me by. Looking back, that’s the worst thing that I had to go through in highschool but finding myself step by step was also good for me!

All the above mentioned options are all open and are without restriction. Shake off the last 6 months and look forward to shaking things up in the second part of the year!

Live loud. And Live Free!

Till next time!!

xx

What are our 20s for?

Hi everyone!

What are our twenties for?

In the past couple of months I’ve been thinking a lot about this. There’s so much pressure for us to accomplish such a lot of things in our 20s. Ever since I turned twenty I’ve gotten 2 degrees, failed one major year course that made me miserable and also made me realized that I might be in the wrong career path, gotten my first job, first salary, first flat and I now pay taxes. I've taken on lifestyle blogging which has allowed me to be more myself, grossly neglected my channel because I either don’t have time or became really sloppy in planning for my channel and I haven’t gotten my hair done since February and I’ve picked up really bad eating habits... (a bit tmi there) 

That’s quite a lot of stuff but having written them down, I feel so much better already because releasing it this way is extremely therapeutic for me. Every time I feel like I (or mom) have placed a lot of pressure on myself, Phil (yes, from Modern Family) once told Hailey that your twenties are there for you to find/discover yourself. And I also remember that God did not place me on Earth to be miserable. I might not have found something that I’m passionate about that when I wake up I want to start doing it or I would sacrifice sleep for it every day but I know it’s out there somewhere!

Passion is not something that can be taught. That’s one of the most valuable lessons I have learnt recently. And it’s important not to force it or let comparisons with your peers make you feel like you’re falling behind in life. I’ve always found it important to be ahead in life on everything. Up until I realized that I was in the middle of something I wasn’t passionate about. I had the skill to understand it because I was highly competitive and organized and it’s so funny how those qualities faded away when I realized that I was doing something that made getting out of bed every morning a nightmare.

So I now I have a couple of options. And that’s the beauty of my journey. The power to decide on my own.

   -  Leave what’s familiar behind and leap into the world of the unknown. A perfect example of someone who’s done that in the blog world is Antoinette Pepe . And what she did terrifies me but it also gives me new hope. Being in pursuit of a dream is so exhilarating and so worth-while and that’s what’s been missing from my life.

  -  Continue with what I’m doing and live under a cloud up until I’m some sort of an executive and probably making millions in what feels like the worst job on earth. The positive side is that  I’ll never be unemployed and I can work wherever I want in the world after 3 years(or maybe more) of torturous bar exams and 8-5 workdays.

  - Or start a new degree! This time hopefully in something that I’ll enjoy like languages/TV/production - basically anything creative that will hopefully involve clothes and is overall visually stimulating! I’m hopelessly too shy to be in front of the TV(working on it).

 Whichever way I go, happiness needs to be at the forefront. Being in my current job I’ve come to realize that one month is 30 days. Each day is really 24 hours and living those hours not in pursuit of a dream or being wrapped up in something passionate is really such a tragedy.

I hope my journey will inspire someone. Especially my fellow low risk takers. We never want to ruffle any feathers or disturb the peace. Until one day we wake up with a husband who’s the same as you and kids you don’t understand.

Live the life you’ll one day be proud of!

(image: Leef Tydskrif/Magazine)

I thought the quote here was so fitting. In (my own)translation it says : " The more the soul receives in silence, the more it gives in actions"

#alwayspursuehappiness

Review - Avon Winter Nails and Lips

Hi everyone!

At the end of May I ordered these two Avon products because I wanted some winter colours for work. I don’t wear a lot of make-up at work so I turn it up in the nails and lipstick department. So when I looked around I found this perfect shade of nail polish and lipstick from Avon Cosmetics.

Lipstick

So when I first had it on it come off as a dark pink and I was quite puzzled because I thought I picked the wrong shade. But with a second layer it really comes alive. It has enough moisture to not make your lips dry and also enough to last all day. I only re-applied after lunch and it stayed on till past 6pm!

Nail polish

To continue my burgundy winter trend I thought this nail polish would look amazing seeing that I’ve only stuck to pastels in the past. But a lot of people were quite attracted to it and they also gave it a try. I had it only for an entire workweek and I was very satisfied with how long it stayed on. I applied 2 layers which also made it look more vibrant.

Have you guys used Avon Cosmetics before?

What's been your experience?

xx

Bold at the Bottom

Hi everyone!!

I like to start my week on a good note so I always think about what outfit will make me feel great on the day when no-one wants to get out of bed.

And this is what I came up with this week!!

What do you guys think?

Would this look put a smile on your Monday face?

Shirt - thrifted

Skirt - thrifted 

Shoes - Fashion Express

Leave your comment below! xx

How to deal : If someone opens up an old wound

Hi everyone!!

A couple of years ago I started coming out of my shell more and I’d interact with a lot of people. Students of course. Took a lot of leadership roles to learn how to handle the pressure of having a lot of people depends on me. It was okay. I felt good to help people, to inspire and to motivate.

Now that I work, there’s just a different kind of interaction going on. And I’ve come to realize that people here don’t need to be friendly. And you also have no idea how they were raised so anything can happen any day.

I work in a place with a lot of levels so we all depend on each other. And sometimes this makes me wish that I could just work in isolation so that if someone is having a bad day then I don’t have to talk to them. As harsh as that sounds.

So recently I had an encounter that opened up such a hurtful part of my life. Worst part was – I thought I was over it until all the emotions that I thought I had put behind me came rushing back. It’s as if the blood was drained from face and the tears were all over my eyes like an unscheduled rain shower.

To make it worse, the person helping me doesn’t know about that time in my life so all these facts made him more sarcastic because he’s a bit more established/higher level than me and has successfully gone through this part that I struggled to climb over.

I think I just left.

Left the office to have some air in my eyes.

When I came back I built up enough courage to get the interaction over and done with. And was just so relieved.

So these are key things that I think helped me handle it:

-As soon as I got emotional I immediately thought of options to remain calm. For me that’s air, cool water and keeping busy with some other task or leaving the environment. It’s important not to make a scene. Because then you’d have to explain the whole story or it will make the office hostile/tense.

-Remember why it’s in the past. What helped here is that I dealt with this matter thoroughly and it helped control the tears because I’ve cried about it endlessly before. If it gets out of control rather take an early lunch or rest of the day off. Or bottle it and take care of it at night by talking to someone about it.

- Do not hold a grudge. This person wasn’t in my life at the time so he’s not aware of the level of sensitivity that this particular issue comes with. So don’t keep them in your mind/heart. There’s just no time.

- Pull yourself together. Don’t waste the whole day! Work on something else or from somewhere else where you can continue being productive/ remain positive. Be strong!

Can you guys relate to this topic? I think writing it in the heat of the moment just helped me now to overcome it! You can also try to do just that!

Xx

Love

How to Disconnect

Hi everyone!

Last year was a pretty awful year and so many things just went wrong. I was exhausted - mentally, physically and just so emotionally drained. If you really want to be happy be sure that you know what you want to become before you run off to college because it’s really in those last moments when you’ll have to decide if something is really worth it. Learnt that the hard way.

So I’m going to take you through the journey I went through when my world came crashing down. To be clear - this ended up being the best thing that has happened to me. When you’re a level 2 control freak like me, your world no longer makes sense when you’re not in control.
So this is what I went through to completely let go:

Go home.

Delete your Facebook account. Don’t just avoid it. Delete it and never go back till you’re ready. All you’re missing is just people having a good time and that will make you feel worse about what you’re going through.

Log out of Twitter. If you want to follow recent fashion trends or follow people who do positive things like pastors and motivational speakers – then open up another twitter account and only follow them. When you’re better you can always delete it and go back to the one you had.

Delete Whatsapp. If you have caring friends then they’ll obviously worry about you. You know you’re not okay so imagine them asking you if you’re okay everyday? It will drive you insane!! Cut off all communication.

Tell your friends in advance. If you’re going on a journey of total isolation, it
doesn’t mean that people will stop looking for you. So tell your friends that you need some time. It’s important to assure them that you will let them know when you’re available again. I took 3 months for me to be alone and having friends who understood that made it a do-able journey.

Tell your family to leave you alone. If you have a mom like mine, something like that is not easy and was an ongoing struggle for me. She just didn’t understand what I was going through. She wanted me to have ‘a plan’ and for the first time I wanted to let go of all my plans and she wouldn’t let me. It will always end up in an argument, then I’ll cry and she’ll let me have a day or 2 and then start pecking at me again. Up until one day my cousins spoke to her and she gave me some breathing room. If your family doesn’t listen to you get someone who they will listen to, to speak to them.

Make a decision about atleast one thing. When at cross roads you definitely know that one of those roads are definitely not worth travelling. You’re not sure about it but you definitely know it won’t bring you happiness. Sometimes your family will force you to go on it because they think it’s what is best for you and because the one you want has no promises. It is here where you need to take a stand a make a decision that you know will benefit you in the long run.
Prayer. Obviously we are all different. But through my journey all I could do was pray. Pray that I didn’t make the wrong decision and also that something will happen that will show me where to go. Since then I’ve been so blessed and showered with favour. And that’s another thing about things just happening…it’s hard. It comes with other factors that will test how much you want this new thing that’s just been handed to you. Perseverance is key.
I feel like I can talk all day about this topic because it has really shaped my life to where it is now. I feel different and I can say that I’m happy about letting go. It’s truly liberating!
Talk soon
Jabi

How to BUILD Confidence from the ground up!

Hi everyone!!

When I look up the word confidence I just found long sentences trying to explain it but loved what was said about ‘self-confidence’ just a bit more.

“when one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’ because one is worrying far less about failure/disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that the enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable.”

I mean... doesn’t that just speak to you? Confidence is really something you build inside. Later on people will be able to see it on the outside. And it does not happen overnight – practice makes perfect!!

So throughout my life I was known as that critically shy girl. It was just written all over me. You could see it in the way I walk, talk, dress and I guess in the way I carried myself.

Until I got to university and developed a love for fashion and all things pretty. And part of the reason was probably because I could now buy it myself. Before, my mother tried to make me a tomboy and she bought my clothes that made me feel so ugly and buried.

Getting new clothes also meant looking more confident because I can’t have hunched shoulders in a beautiful bodycon dress. Unless you really want to destroy it. Had to walk up straight and pretend to be a pro in heels (not pretending meant letting everyone see that you do the funky chicken).

So here are some quick tips to help you look confident:

STAND UP STRAIGHT! Obviously this is like step one of life. People just respond better to what you say if you look like you care about yourself and you know what you’re talking about.
KNOW YOUR BODY! Don’t wear things that don’t fit you. People judge you based on that sometimes even if they don’t say it. Their minds make that decision for them.

BE APPROACHABLE. This is still an ongoing struggle for me. Doesn’t matter how friendly I try to be, people still feel afraid to get to know me. But once they do, they don’t understand where I’ve been all their lives!!(lol)

IT’S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT. You don’t have to like stuff that other people like. Part of being confident (like above) is to enjoy what you like. Be who you like to be and not what a box that people might place you in.

DON’T CARE about things that don’t add value to your life. This took me a long, long time to master. I used to lie awake at night thinking about something someone said and 3 days later it would still bother me while that person lives on. That is precious time that I will never get back.

MAKE-UP! It is such an effective tool in trying to look strong, confident and sane. One day I was probably having the worst day and a friend of mine was like ‘Wow, you sure look good for someone who’s going through something like that’ and I was like YAASSSSS!

A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! It’s so infectious. And a powerful tool of not accepting defeat.

DO YOU FEEL HALFWAY THERE ALREADY?

Obviously you don't have to do all these things at once! Take it one day at a time! Sooner or later people will start to notice it!

Lots of Love

Jbi!

How to pack your handbag for a job far away

Hi everyone!

So as you all know I travel about close to 2 hours per day to and from work. It has not been easy and I think I can share my experience with you. I’ve also come to realize that as much as I complain about the frustrating seated hours then I remember that some of the people have been using this, and no other way, as a means of going to work everyday for years.

I’ve already done a bag tag but that was for everyday use so what’s different here is what I carry to work. And yes – it’s a bit heavy.

So for my job I carry the following:

Laptop – I have a separate bag for this as I know that will be undisturbed on its own as well as any other documents I have will be store in the there.

Umbrella – I was once caught unarmed in a rainstorm. Let’s just say it shaped my life for the better. A forecast is almost never accurate so I never want to be unprepared.

A charger – My phone is always flat. So after lunch I’ll connect it to my laptop so that if there are any emergencies on the way back I can call somebody( Momi (lol!))

Make –up bag. It carries only the basics. Concealer, Foundation, Mascara, Browliner, Lipsticks, etc. It has a compact perfume, a hair brush and some lady emergency gear.

My flats – I can’t run in heels, so I always bring my flats along for anything that requires running. Or if I don’t feel like wearing heels.

Purse – cards, money, and memory stick.

Earphones – the road gets pretty boring. In the morning I use classical/soul music to sleep on my way to work (I get up at 3am so it’s the only way to catch up on some zzz) and then I RnB and pop it up when I go home.

My MP4 player

Pain/Tension headache/ Allergy medication for emergencies

And sometimes I’ll have a lunch box packed.

Some tissues. I have the bladder of a toddler.

A pair of glasses and sunnies.

Check out my normal bag in the bag tag on my channel!!

Share yours with me!!
Comment down below with your links!

Lots of love,
Jabi

How to end a BAD friendship

Hi everyone!!

From the title I guess it sounds pretty harsh right?

It’s actually more real than anything else. I recently read an article in Seventeen Magazine about a girl who was raped by her boyfriend. If that wasn’t enough to creep me out I just can’t forget her saying that when she brought up it up with her friends they just didn’t LISTEN to her. This obviously worst case of bad friends so I’m just blessed I guess – to have all my friends in my life who would have really listened to me.

So today’s kind of bad friend is really someone who you really burdens you.

These things have happened/ currently happening:

·        You show up for their accomplishments and they never celebrate yours with you.

·         You are always calling them and they don’t bother to check in with you with any of the IM platforms   available

·        You always ask about things happening in their life and they never go..’and you?’

·        When they need alone time they don’t notify you and then blame you for not checking on them

·         They always judge/criticize you when all you really needed was someone to talk to

·         They make you feel negative about life whether it’s them always complaining about life/you feeling depressed

These are basically all the things that indicate ‘bad friend’ to me. I know that some people have it worse but maybe it’s because I don’t have time to invest quality time into a friendship that won’t have a positive influence on me. I always strive to be the best friend that I can be so in return all I basically need is for someone to do that for me.

If you have a bad friend like that sooner or later they won’t show up to something that is at the top of your list of important things that you would have sacrificed your own personal plans to be there for them.

It’s really the little things for me that speaks volumes.

Obviously we can’t be where we want be at the same time but a friend always knows how to celebrate you from miles away and how you feel about certain things and what it means for your friendship to spend quality time together.

Friendships that are a burden for you will poison you whether it’s happening now or not. You can have a million facebook friends but at the end of the day only your best friends will worry about you/check up on you and call you on your birthday. Those are the ones worth keeping. And those are the friends we all appreciate.

Have you ever walked away from a friend? What was your dealbreaker?

With love

Jabi

First Job Jitters( an update)

Hi everyone!

I think I owe you guys an update!

So recently I started a new job and it’s been quite stressful. Let me be clear though I like what I do and it’s what I went to school for. I think at the time I got it I had run out of options and felt really bad that I couldn’t contribute to my family. Also at the time - everyone was pretty much getting back from the holidays so money was really really scarce. So I decided to pause my ‘figure my life out plan’ and basically grow up.

So it’s an 8-5 job errday type of job and I honestly have to say that I’ve never been so tired in my life. I thought that I was tired during university but now I realize that I was soooo kidding myself. Luckily my new team isn’t that big which I guess has its pros and cons. Some days I wish that there were more so that there’s (I guess) a chance that there’s a person with my sort of personality. If I could describe them I’d probably say that they are extremely technical, numerical and focused, which is not unusual in this sort of environment. This just means that I’m just all alone in a group of people five days a week.

I’m so grateful to God because I feel like getting here was just prayer and God showing me favour. When we underwent training there was a lot of people there who were talking about some of their friends who were still looking for a job. One of my best friends is also looking and she’s qualified so this was totally relatable. I’m a huge believer in the relief you experience when you cry - so every night when nothing went well during the day I’d reserve the nights for sobbing. Not the depressing kind though because on each new day I was just ready for new things!

So what’s next for my blog? I’ve been asking myself this question so many times because since I started working I leave before the glorious crack of dawn and return home wayyyy after sundown. And so far I’ve had zero time for shoots or reviews or hauls or any of my favourite things! It just truly breaks my heart to live this way! Worst part is – there is really nothing I can do about it until I move closer to work and I have no idea when that will happen right now.

So I just need you guys to know that I’m alive!! I’m just in another phase in my life where I have to pay bills and stuff! I hope that we can grow this year because now I will actually be able to do hauls more often and sort of grow into the style that I identify with!

Lots of Love!!

<3

Blue butterflies on Mustard

Hi everyone!

So this week I've been loading some #howto posts which were so much fun because as I'm typing them I felt like I was learning too! It's very difficult for me at the moment to upload ootds because I almost never like the background and I always have to go into town to get them uploaded so I'm sorry for providing less style posts.

This outfit is basically something I always knew would work ever since I got those shoes! They belong to my mom though(lol) so when I looked in the mirror I was satisfied with the combo!

What do you think?

Do you wear your mother's things sometimes?

Mini dress(can also be worn as a top in winter) > Jet

Shoes > Ackermans

Reach me --->>@closetfreedom

xx

How to || Find your own STYLE!

Happy Wednesday!

So today I thought I'd share something that I used to struggle with.

Today's #girlchallenge: How to find your OWN style!

I truly believe style is a word that should be left out of a dictionary because it’s like a fingerprint! It’s unique and no-one else has what you have. After cleaning up your closet (previous post) I think it’s the perfect time to figure out what you like! Again it won’t be accomplished in 2 seconds. There are ridiculous sales going on everywhere and this time – instead of just buying it because it’s 50% off – decide : Does this say ME?

So this post won’t help you find your style but encourage you to find it! It’s not an overnight process.

So start with what you can’t live without. It can be as simple as jeans (the ones that suit your body best) so don’t stick with a trend that clearly doesn’t look right. Boyfriend jeans look awful on me. So the ones I’ve purchased I kept for a little while then gave them away because I just couldn’t make it work. So now when I’m looking for another pair I’ll be looking for an investment piece and it will be the only one I’ll own.

 It’s okay to be judged. In life and especially here in SA we tend to judge each other a lot. Especially girls. I understand why. Most of us were raised conservatively. Only those strong enough became rebels and were lucky enough to be accepted by their families. The rest of us had to change the outfit just so that we could be allowed to get in the car. The only time you were truly free is when you were at university and no-one knew where you came from. So to take huge fashion risks you have to be okay with the fact that not everyone will like it BUT if you like it then that’s all that matters! Rock it with confidence!

Style doesn’t cost a milli. I truly believe that style doesn’t need to break the bank. I have huge financial constraints right now but my style is not affected because it doesn’t depend on funds I don’t have. That’s why I’m a huge thrifter. This way of shopping is not for everyone but I believe that amazing classic thrifted finds can add something extra to your closet. Atleast in the US and maybe in the UK they have thrift shops. We only have a market with no building. Then they pile up all the clothes in there and you just have to find what you’re looking for! Sometimes it’s not even washed or has a giant stain on it but you’ll have to decide whether the purchase is worth it. The process gives me such a rush! Try it! For shoes however, quality is key. So I always go with a reliable brand.

 Find people like you! I think blogging is so healthy for whatever people need it to be but more especially for people who feel alone in their community. Suddenly there are people out there just like you! That’s the joy blogging has given me. I also love that magazines and media businesses are now also available everywhere online, connecting you to things that you love and also finding people out there to talk to. And you can do that with your style. A particular pair of shoes can make people friends because they share something and I believe that that’s better than having a style icon. Instead of dressing like someone you take the risks yourself! If it works then it’s fantastic and if it doesn’t (and this should also be according to you ONLY) then own it!

 In order to see if this works, one day you’ll just come to realisation that you like certain things and you definitely don’t like some other things! Then you’ve got it! Then SHARE how you got it and help other people find theirs. With helpful suggestions!

 Till next time!!

How to | De-clutter your closet!

Hi everyone!

So today I'll be tackling a #girlchallenge. Girls never have issues. We just want to chat about things without being told what to do or when to do it. I know some girls start the week on Tuesday after they've celebrated some victory over #BlueMondays!

Today's challenge: How to say goodbye to a cluttered closet! 

Make a decision. I think all major changes in life come from making a decision and sticking to it. I’m a girl too and I love everything I’ve given money away for. And I do think my world will end if I had to lose that top, this skirt and that other scarf I got at that fleamarket 3.5 years ago. I get it. I also know the power of girls finally making up their minds. When we’ve reached that point we’re just capable of doing amazing things!

De-clutter. You don’t need ALL your clothes. You know you have items you never wear. Why keep them? Personally, I hate smothered closets. It’s as if you’ll die before finding that other basic white tee. You want your closet to represent you fully. Not you and your other personalities. If you have them, then get additional storage spaces for them too! Storage. When I was in university I could never go home so I had all my winter and summer clothes in my room. Thankfully we had storage underneath our beds so in summer I would store all my winter things in there and keep a cardigan and a blazer for emergencies. You can’t have 4/5 jackets hanging in your closet during summer. Because then you’ll have to fight with them each morning looking for a blouse that’s deeply tucked into one of those jackets. Buy a storage container and neatly stack unused clothes in there to open up more space in your closet.

Donate/Sell. I donate because my mother has an orphanage so we do it every year. It’s just so nice to see how you grow through a process like this. Once I only owned cartoon themed tops. And at the end of that year I gave them all away because I was just more attracted to things with bling and light frills! Gave away some items that I bought because of a trend hype(never doing that again) so now I know what to look for. You usually say goodbye to ‘what was I thinking’ pieces and items you have 20 other replicas of..like the poor basic white tee. Don’t you always just buy those for the sake of buying them?

Get a system that works. I like folding my clothes. They drive me crazy if they are just hanging around and have no order. So with a bigger closet space I’d fold my clothes all the time. But with a smaller space like the temporary one I have now I rolled my clothes then stacked them in those rolls. It saves space and it still gives off the ‘organized ’look.

Decor. Everything else can be used as decor. We girls like to see our investment so that it can reassure us that - you know what? Life out there is bad, but atleast I’ve got that pair of (*insert fave shoes here*). And we can look at it and point at it and just feel better already. So don’t throw your heels in a box. Find an open space in your room and display them!

I hope these tips will help you make your space more breathable and proud to look at!

 Till next time!

XX

Blue and Brown MisMatch

Hi everyone!

Shut down my blog last week because I needed to focus on looking for a job. And honestly - it was the best decision ever. Drawing up a schedule made me feel in control but last week I just couldn't stick to it and I'm terribly sorry for that.

But I'm here now and so excited to share this Sunday outfit!

To be honest I would have never put this together because I just always know that I wear pants with this blouse but decided to take a risk and this was the result!

What do you think? Leave a comment below!

My hair is such a hot mess but it just reminded me of slightly worn out white All Stars and they always look better when they look like you just picked them up from the street!! Lol!!

Top - thrifted

Skirt - MrPrice

Shoes - MrPrice

Earring - local craftshop

Sunnies - Cotton On

Reach me on @closetfreedom

xx