Hi
everyone!
I’ve
never really been optimistic. As matter of fact, I always want to die when I
talk to someone about an actual problem (already negative and most of the time
colossal) and they spin me with the ‘it’s going to be alright’ sticker on my
forehead. That tells me that they really want me to throw them in the fountain
and walk away.
I know
it sounds contradictory to most of my posts because I spend half of them
telling you (and me) that everything happens for a reason and how to fix your
current situation that I know too well. Today, after a failed conversation with
my mom, I started writing this post mainly to identify a problem, rather than
to fix it.
I had
difficulty sleeping last night and I had those life questions scary nights.
Where do I see myself in a year? Do I really want to get married? Am I built
for relationships? Can I really raise 6 kids? Why am I not a millionaire? Am I
still afraid of driving? Am I overloaded with other people’s problems? Why does
my blog/channel not do that well? Why don’t I like to teach myself how to make
myself pretty? Why don’t I like gyms? Why does my body hurt so much? When am I
going to die? Will my kids do what I tell them? Do I want to raise them as a
single mom? When am I getting a dog/cat? When am I renewing my license? Who
takes care of me when I run out of fuel from taking care of others? When will I
be truly happy? How will I know if I’m truly happy?
Drama
right? I have these questions swirling in my mind, giving me heartburn! It’s not
like I have all the answers but I truly feel so drained and absolutely
exhausted! I think my brain has had the biggest crisis for the longest time.
The moment I unplug for 4 days my mind literally lost it.
In a
way I’m thankful this is happening because like I mentioned in my previous
post, this is major decisions year and it was naïve of me to think that I
will make one major decision and expect everything to fall into place. There
are so many frustrating things. I think sometimes you can get lost in all that
is happening around you and that causes RIDICULOUS PRESSURE. It’s so crucial in
this time to know exactly who you are and what exactly makes you happy. You
have to learn to switch off your mind to things you can’t change. And always
speak (repetitively) good things into your life that will help you through
those stubborn wrinkles that life gives you.
You
can get so distracted by what other people are doing and certain choices they
make. You can get so consumed with comparison. You can even spend nights awake
thinking that you are just made ‘wrong’ and that you are the only person of
your kind left on earth. You can even feel so misunderstood. By others and by
yourself. However, always do something that you are conscious of. Always own
your space. At the end of the day, only you can explain yourself to YOU.
Don’t
let the river carry your body downstream.
Be
present.
God
KNOWS.
