Changing your reality

Hi everyone!

September is basically birthday month for ALL my friends. Seeing that we’re so far away from each other this year I decided to dig up some old videos and photos from varsity and share it on our Whatsapp group. LOL! They freaked out so much. And we just laughed because we really did have good times.

It also made me realize how much time has gone by. Next week is our 8^th annual family reunion and this is my 3^rd year in the working world. I feel like going into an emotional fit because exactly 3 years ago I told my family that Auditing & Accounting is not a good career for me. I remember them being really tense about it. It wasn’t an easy decision for me to make because I had just finished up my 5^th year at university that time but I remember being so relieved that I came to that conclusion.

You guys know the story but fast forward to 3 years later, I’ve never felt this depressed in my life. My blog became a place where I shared all the frustrations and a quick fix guide to ‘getting it together’. To be quite honest that really helped me because I would be completely depressed if I didn’t have an outlet for all the negativity. I also feel like I’ve had the most breakdowns than I’ve ever had in my life. Surviving them, only to be brought back into the same situation is the worst thing to ever happen to me.

A few days ago my friend called me in the morning and asked me what I was up to and if I’m alright. At this point in my life – I truly hate that question. The answer is no and please don’t ask me why because the answer is the same. It also brought up the topic of good days and bad days. I’m never okay but I have a job and bills therefore I can’t lie in bed and not get out. When I tried doing that legally, I got a written warning because we’re short staffed and we have a lot of work. So then I don’t have a choice. It’s either I quit or continue to do a job I despise.

Right now all the stress eating and a lack of self-care is showing. I feel so heavy and tired all the time. I never wear make-up to work because I always need to ‘make it’ through the day rather than have a normal work day. I spend my weekend indoors because I’m avoiding to much contact because people who want to catch up have actual stories while I’m still unhappy about my life. These days I’m unhappy with myself.  I’m ruining me. I no longer invest in myself.

Days can go by without me actually knowing what’s happening. I always have deadline upon deadline and the job is getting harder and harder. Worst part is that I need to be fully awake. There are so many changes in my career and I always need to know how it affects my client. And I really couldn’t care less. This makes my contribution worthless. It also makes me the weakest link because the public relies on the work I do and the fact that I never thought about it in that till now absolutely scares and depresses me even more.

Here’s the point (because I can’t stop talking about this): No matter how positive you try to be, you can’t cover unhappiness. You can push a boulder up the mountain but it will only get there if the motive is beneficial for you/result will work in your favour. If not, then the boulder will, if not immediately, eventually crush you. And that’s my life. Mornings are the hardest. I have a second when I have to ponder if my job is worth it. I have to think about all the wrong decisions taken that lead me to this point. And I wouldn’t wish that even on the worst person on this earth.

It’s why it’s important to always revisit the questions: What is my purpose on this Earth? What am I doing? And who am I doing it for? Walking away might not be in the cards but it’s always so important to use all your available time to keep telling yourself that you have purpose and that you are deserving of a way out and that you will not always be drowning in your own sorrow.

Change your free time. Make sure that you don’t spend it crying about what you hate doing!! See if that works!!

xx

How writing can help you speak up

Hi everyone!

As you know I grew up quite shy and very behind the scenes. Even though that might still be the case today I think it’s a lot better than what it used to be. I can now communicate without being too anxious and I can also be funny and not as socially awkward.

It’s been a long journey but I can definitely say that having a blog has helped me speak up. I believe that even though shy people say that they have nothing to say, it’s not really true. They just have nothing to say out loud. And I’ve been there. So I had something to say but it just wouldn’t go past my lips.

Here’s why I think writing can help you speak up:

·         Have a writing platform. You don’t need a blog. You need pen and paper/laptop. The hardest part is to get the ball rolling. Write about something close to your heart.

·         Emotions. Writing can be quite emotional. Especially if you’re a person that bottles things up or absorbs a lot of emotions, this could give you the freedom to finally express yourself.

·         Release. I believe the biggest part about setting something free is for it to longer be in your heart. Before blogging, I had a diary and shortly before that I used to write letters on a blank page and after pouring everything into it, I’d burn it. It’s really therapeutic.

·         Another one. If you feel like writing that first letter didn’t aid you in any way, that’s okay. Write another one. This time directed to a person. We all have something to say to each other. Now, put it in a letter. Especially when you can’t say it to the person’s face.

·         Now Speak. Start with smaller groups. You’ll have to fabricate the confidence though. Speaking is easy when the conversation is about things that you are interested in. You have opinions and views because it’s something you think about all the time. Now let it be heard.

·         Engage. Being part of groups really helps but there comes a time when it’s your turn to make other shy people come out of their shell. Bring people together with similar interests to yours. You don’t even have to do it face to face. These days there’s twitter chats and Facebook groups and things like that that has made it real easy for people with similar interests to connect!

What are you waiting for?

Get started!!

10 tips to Enjoy the Spring Season!

Happy Spring!!

(image: google images)

Spring just gets me all excited! The promise of new things just like the flowers outside. When I woke up today I was just excited to get my day started (I think a good night’s rest also had something to do with it!)

So today I thought I’d share some ideas on how you can enjoy the first few days of spring!

1.       Get more flowers in your room/house!

Yes, I know how girly that sounds! I can’t afford to get fresh flowers so I always get beautiful fake flowers so that they’ll just make room look more decorated. Try it!

2.       Take out all the things you needed to survive winter

This includes extra blankets, heaters and even turtle necks! I mean you’re not going to use it! All these things are just blocking the sun from coming in! Put them in storage. If you don’t have storage, create it! Just get it away from your view!

3.       Where are all your dresses?

As soon as spring sets in, it’s basically legs season! Time to put away the jeans you used to tuck into your boots and the long-sleeve tops!! 

4.       Set up your wax appointments!

I mean HOW do you do spring without making sure everything is clean and smooth?! Lol, come on girls!!

5.       Less coffee, more citrus/water

To be clear, I’m not saying NO coffee!! I wouldn’t be able to survive without my daily stash of coffee sachets! But detox your body a bit! More water is always good for you. If you want a control for overeating, try having a full glass of water before you attack your plate. It has helped me so much.

6.       Finally put your gym subscription to good use.

Lol, we all remember those new year’s resolutions that we’ve been paying for? Now it’s time to actually use it!! Beach season is approaching, use the arrival of spring to jumpstart your return to the gym! Or start running! Good exercise will NEVER go to waste.

7.       Oh gurl your huurrrr!!

No, you can’t hide behind beanies anymore. The wind is blowing, you got your dresses out…you can’t let hair ruin such a beautiful mental picture! Refresh your hair/change up your hairstyle or colour!!

8.       Watch the paint dry

This option is optional (lol, did you see that?) I think there’s something about a fresh coat of nail polish! Doesn’t it make you smile? Even if you don’t like nail polish, I still think you should get your hands pampered and make it an all day event!

9.       What’s turning over a leaf without shoes?

(Also optional) During winter my mind was on one thing! Winter booties! And now that it’s gone it’s time for strappy shoes! There’s nothing sexier than a flowy dress paired with strappy heels! If someone wants to send some Steve Maddens my way, DM me so that I give you my address!!

10.   A brand new attitude!!

If there’s one thing I learnt from The Big Bang Theory it’s that exterior stuff won’t fix everything or make the change that you made sustainable! Penny said that when she’s depressed, she goes shopping. Then Sheldon said doesn’t she realize that afterwards she’s just the same depressed person in a cute skirt and a fancy top! So true right?

Enjoy Spring guys!!

Life is so beautiful! Shake off the old and smell the flowers!!

Till later!

#WomensMonth Tribute

Hi everyone!!

As you know on 9 August it was Women’s Day and I almost wanted to cry thinking that I should have dedicated this post to all the women in my life!!

But I’ve realized that if you keep a positive attitude then there’s no space for crying over spilled milk. So, just like we like to make February Valentine’s Day MONTH I’ve decided to jump in the bandwagon of my fellow South Africans who are currently celebrating Womens Day MONTH!!

I hope in reading this (whether you’re South African or not) that you’ll also make one woman in your life feel special by dedicating an open letter to them.

How to Love your Body

Hey Everyone!!

For the longest time I’ve cared too much of what people think of me. Wayyy too much!! I can’t wear this here or I can’t say this amongst these people… And as of late I’ve just been like who gives two shits?

Don’t misunderstand me. I care about my image. I care that people not know me coke-addicted professional side chick only because those are the things I’m not. But things that I am? Those are the things I refuse to let someone make me feel inferior about. And we all have to protect that about ourselves.

Let’s start with my body image.

I don’t have the traditional ‘African’ booty. And for the longest time I was too scared to wear bodycon dresses or skirts because I scared that people would say that I’m part of the ‘iron board society’. Surprisingly that’s all I’ve been wearing for work because I haven’t found any ‘workpants’ that I’m in love with. And you know what came out of it? I discovered that I have amazing legs!!

I wear make-up now. And where I work the women are okay being ‘naturally beautiful’ – which I have no problem with but they’re constantly trying to make you feel bad about wearing make-up. So since then I’ve been wearing bolder colours!! Because I DO NOT care about how they feel. I’m there to do a job. In style. I’m not there for them. And this comes in small condescending remarks covered by a super thin veil. Ignore it. They’re just trying to plant their insecurities on you. Listening to them will be like watering it.

Apply the same if someone is trying to body shame you. There’s no point in trying to bring down other women and make them feel small/insignificant! We’re fine doing it on our own – and that’s something we’re working on every day. So if someone wants to add onto that (not in a positive way) then walk away from that person or protect yourself against them.

Next is your walk.

Two people significantly changed how I walk in my life. One was my mom because she always wanted me to be a beauty queen so my shoulders had to be super straight. And the other one was at uni. I was super depressed at times and this one girl was like: “you always walk like you’re tired, its 8 am!” At the time I wanted to set her on fire but she’ll never know how much that has changed my life. Now I’m always telling people to walk up straight or in a way that portrays more confidence.

The face.

People always tell me that I look ‘unapproachable’ and each time my jaw just drops because I always think that my face looks friendly. Then I realised that it’s probably because I’m listening to all the people in my head which could result in frowning or the ‘bitchface syndrome’. So now I smile more and greet people first because in that way they’re free to approach me. Ever since I started doing that people found it not so scary to talk to me anymore and I want to keep it that way!

Have you found some similarities in the things I just mentioned?

Share with me!

Crops and Prints

Happy Tuesday!

How to End the year like a LEGEND!

Hi Everyone!!

At this point in the year we’re all getting exhausted. We just can’t wait for the summer time even though we’ve only gone through winter for a short time. Everyone is letting go of all the essentials: the hair (solution: winter hats and beanies), the waxing (seriously? You’re in stockings all day and leg warmers at night and long sleeve tops), the exercising (it’s too cold and you’d rather remain in bed) and the New Year’s Resolutions (gurl, that was 6 months ago okaaaaaaaay??)

So a couple of thoughts come up.

1.       How will you spend the rest of the year?

2.       Re-evaluate your goals/adjust /create new ones?

3.       Make life altering changes?

If you’ve gotten comfy with your surroundings and you haven’t done something exciting all year you obviously need to shake things up. It must be awful to drag yourself all year. You have no memories of anything and you can’t remember when you did what because you’re passing through your own life!

-Make a list of things you want to do! Things you like but haven’t done and atleast attempt to do one thing!

-Surround yourself with people with similar interests. Challenge each other in becoming better version of yourselves. Don’t compete. There’s nothing that tears girls apart faster than that (except boys, LOL)

-If the goals you made at the beginning of the year are unrealistic, don’t scrap them – just re-adjust. Make them more flexible and make them work for you. There’s nothing worse than being strangled by a schedule that you created.

-My life altering change would be to change careers but I’m not financially ready for it. Even taking a leap needs planning. You don’t want to hate yourself for pursuing a dream. Your dream will die and then you won’t have anything to live for and that is worse than a tragedy.

-Be ready for anything. Never limit yourself in a little box. I did that for years and finally when I realized how round the earth was, I started opening myself up to new possibilities. In order to go to New York I had to go through a panel interview. Guys, a one on one interview used to render me mute!  And then I had to go through five accomplished adults. One man came out of the interview and told the next candidate what an amazing young woman I was and if you ask me today what the questions were – I wouldn’t even be able to tell you because I was so scared. And then a couple of months later I took my first flight to the Big Apple. Risks=Rewards.

-Shy doesn’t mean unable. When I was younger I used to think that no-one wants to hear me speak. I think I didn’t want to hear myself speak. I just thought that seeing that I wasn’t outspoken, my opinion didn’t matter. And that’s how most things passed me by. Looking back, that’s the worst thing that I had to go through in highschool but finding myself step by step was also good for me!

All the above mentioned options are all open and are without restriction. Shake off the last 6 months and look forward to shaking things up in the second part of the year!

Live loud. And Live Free!

Till next time!!

xx

What are our 20s for?

Hi everyone!

What are our twenties for?

In the past couple of months I’ve been thinking a lot about this. There’s so much pressure for us to accomplish such a lot of things in our 20s. Ever since I turned twenty I’ve gotten 2 degrees, failed one major year course that made me miserable and also made me realized that I might be in the wrong career path, gotten my first job, first salary, first flat and I now pay taxes. I've taken on lifestyle blogging which has allowed me to be more myself, grossly neglected my channel because I either don’t have time or became really sloppy in planning for my channel and I haven’t gotten my hair done since February and I’ve picked up really bad eating habits... (a bit tmi there) 

That’s quite a lot of stuff but having written them down, I feel so much better already because releasing it this way is extremely therapeutic for me. Every time I feel like I (or mom) have placed a lot of pressure on myself, Phil (yes, from Modern Family) once told Hailey that your twenties are there for you to find/discover yourself. And I also remember that God did not place me on Earth to be miserable. I might not have found something that I’m passionate about that when I wake up I want to start doing it or I would sacrifice sleep for it every day but I know it’s out there somewhere!

Passion is not something that can be taught. That’s one of the most valuable lessons I have learnt recently. And it’s important not to force it or let comparisons with your peers make you feel like you’re falling behind in life. I’ve always found it important to be ahead in life on everything. Up until I realized that I was in the middle of something I wasn’t passionate about. I had the skill to understand it because I was highly competitive and organized and it’s so funny how those qualities faded away when I realized that I was doing something that made getting out of bed every morning a nightmare.

So I now I have a couple of options. And that’s the beauty of my journey. The power to decide on my own.

   -  Leave what’s familiar behind and leap into the world of the unknown. A perfect example of someone who’s done that in the blog world is Antoinette Pepe . And what she did terrifies me but it also gives me new hope. Being in pursuit of a dream is so exhilarating and so worth-while and that’s what’s been missing from my life.

  -  Continue with what I’m doing and live under a cloud up until I’m some sort of an executive and probably making millions in what feels like the worst job on earth. The positive side is that  I’ll never be unemployed and I can work wherever I want in the world after 3 years(or maybe more) of torturous bar exams and 8-5 workdays.

  - Or start a new degree! This time hopefully in something that I’ll enjoy like languages/TV/production - basically anything creative that will hopefully involve clothes and is overall visually stimulating! I’m hopelessly too shy to be in front of the TV(working on it).

 Whichever way I go, happiness needs to be at the forefront. Being in my current job I’ve come to realize that one month is 30 days. Each day is really 24 hours and living those hours not in pursuit of a dream or being wrapped up in something passionate is really such a tragedy.

I hope my journey will inspire someone. Especially my fellow low risk takers. We never want to ruffle any feathers or disturb the peace. Until one day we wake up with a husband who’s the same as you and kids you don’t understand.

Live the life you’ll one day be proud of!

(image: Leef Tydskrif/Magazine)

I thought the quote here was so fitting. In (my own)translation it says : " The more the soul receives in silence, the more it gives in actions"

#alwayspursuehappiness

Review - Avon Winter Nails and Lips

Hi everyone!

At the end of May I ordered these two Avon products because I wanted some winter colours for work. I don’t wear a lot of make-up at work so I turn it up in the nails and lipstick department. So when I looked around I found this perfect shade of nail polish and lipstick from Avon Cosmetics.

Lipstick

So when I first had it on it come off as a dark pink and I was quite puzzled because I thought I picked the wrong shade. But with a second layer it really comes alive. It has enough moisture to not make your lips dry and also enough to last all day. I only re-applied after lunch and it stayed on till past 6pm!

Nail polish

To continue my burgundy winter trend I thought this nail polish would look amazing seeing that I’ve only stuck to pastels in the past. But a lot of people were quite attracted to it and they also gave it a try. I had it only for an entire workweek and I was very satisfied with how long it stayed on. I applied 2 layers which also made it look more vibrant.

Have you guys used Avon Cosmetics before?

What's been your experience?

xx

Cropped and Midi

Hi everyone!!

I hope you guys are doing well!! 

So a while ago I got this midi skirt and I just didn't have anything that could go with it so it just gathered dust in my closet until I found this crop top! And then suddenly the world made sense again!

I haven't worn this out yet and I thought I would share the combo with you guys! 

What do you think?

Top - MrPrice

Skirt - MrPrice

Shoes - Fashion World(old)

If thumbs up - let me know!!

@closetfreedom

How to take a man search break

Hi everyone!!

As part of resolutions and scary birthdays where you realize that you’re not getting any younger we (girls) tend to take drastic measures to correct all the years of being single! Admit it!

Lol, but I think after a couple of months of exploring in #theyearoffindingbae we realize that it’s not easy to put your heart out there. The vulnerability. The danger. The compromises. The withdrawl.

I think that when you start changing  like letting your emotions run wild fuelled with jealousy and rage because of the hurt you feel when some of these flirtations/brief relationships don’t work out -then you must know that it’s time to take a break.

These tips will help:

1.       Cut out those people that were too toxic to be around. That made you doubt yourself or diminished your values and questioned things that were the foundation of your existence. They’ll just continue to do that until there’s nothing left. Typically when he abandons you (eventually) - you won’t know what a healthy relationship feels like.

How to do that?

·         Delete their number from your phone

·         Block any incoming calls from them

·         Have NO communication with them.

·         Don’t ‘accidently’ bump into them. Shop elsewhere.

2.       Hang around other single positive people. Not people who talk about their ex all the time. Or someone who’s prone to one night stands or any other random sexual encounters because they’ll probably want to tell you about them. Be with other girls who are about to start a new project or are being promoted or people who travel just so that you can talk about anything other that longing for someone.

3.       Decide to put your journey on hold. I feel like finding someone shouldn’t be a goal. It’s like people trying to get pregnant. I feel like if you force it – that’s when it won’t happen for you. The most amazing love story I’ve ever heard was of Michelle Phan and Dom. She was just having a cup of coffee in Paris as part of exploring the city and when Dom saw her, he knew. I mean who knew he was even going to be there? And he’s been her biggest love ever since.

4.       Continue being confident! Wear heels. Don’t leave the house without make-up. Always add to your Victoria’s Secret collection! Just because you’re not looking for him doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t look for you! Be radiant ALL the time! Beauty really starts from within and you should continue taking it to higher levels. 

      There’s no bigger compliment than: ‘SHE’S BEAUTIFUL…INSIDE AND OUT’!!

Live your life!!

How to deal : If someone opens up an old wound

Hi everyone!!

A couple of years ago I started coming out of my shell more and I’d interact with a lot of people. Students of course. Took a lot of leadership roles to learn how to handle the pressure of having a lot of people depends on me. It was okay. I felt good to help people, to inspire and to motivate.

Now that I work, there’s just a different kind of interaction going on. And I’ve come to realize that people here don’t need to be friendly. And you also have no idea how they were raised so anything can happen any day.

I work in a place with a lot of levels so we all depend on each other. And sometimes this makes me wish that I could just work in isolation so that if someone is having a bad day then I don’t have to talk to them. As harsh as that sounds.

So recently I had an encounter that opened up such a hurtful part of my life. Worst part was – I thought I was over it until all the emotions that I thought I had put behind me came rushing back. It’s as if the blood was drained from face and the tears were all over my eyes like an unscheduled rain shower.

To make it worse, the person helping me doesn’t know about that time in my life so all these facts made him more sarcastic because he’s a bit more established/higher level than me and has successfully gone through this part that I struggled to climb over.

I think I just left.

Left the office to have some air in my eyes.

When I came back I built up enough courage to get the interaction over and done with. And was just so relieved.

So these are key things that I think helped me handle it:

-As soon as I got emotional I immediately thought of options to remain calm. For me that’s air, cool water and keeping busy with some other task or leaving the environment. It’s important not to make a scene. Because then you’d have to explain the whole story or it will make the office hostile/tense.

-Remember why it’s in the past. What helped here is that I dealt with this matter thoroughly and it helped control the tears because I’ve cried about it endlessly before. If it gets out of control rather take an early lunch or rest of the day off. Or bottle it and take care of it at night by talking to someone about it.

- Do not hold a grudge. This person wasn’t in my life at the time so he’s not aware of the level of sensitivity that this particular issue comes with. So don’t keep them in your mind/heart. There’s just no time.

- Pull yourself together. Don’t waste the whole day! Work on something else or from somewhere else where you can continue being productive/ remain positive. Be strong!

Can you guys relate to this topic? I think writing it in the heat of the moment just helped me now to overcome it! You can also try to do just that!

Xx

Love

HOW TO shop for boys| BASICS

Hi everyone!

So recently an old friend of mine asked me to help him set up a new wardrobe.

Some background…This one time I went out to breakfast with him, he wore blue trackpants, white sneakers and a hoodie – let’s just say I had a lot of meditation to do on our way there. But it didn’t really bother me because I knew that that’s probably what he found ‘comfortable’. LAAAWD!!

Keep in mind is that this guy is a bit shy, nerdy and about my height if I’m wearing flats.

My focus is to find him a comfortable wardrobe and add a little something extra.
Make him a bit noticeable.

So I’m thinking more Adam Levine/Lunga Shabalala/Lala’s Chris/Chris Pine/Aldis Hodge
If you don’t know Aldis Hodge – he’s that gorg guy on Leverage!! I’ve married him a couple of times while I was daydreaming.

So here’s what I’m what I’m looking for.

-A lot of basic tees. I also have to keep in mind that winter is around the corner so I’ll also be getting some long-sleeved ones.
-Up to 4/5 new quality denim pants. I’m not really into skinny jeans for guys. Some guys just can’t pull it off. So I’ll opt for that 5th one to be a beige/dark green chino. It doesn’t stand out too much to draw eyes to him.
-I also love a good old fashioned denim jacket so I prefer those thrifted. But not for a denim on denim look. Again – some guys just can’t pull it off. I also want to add casual blazer in there and one leather jacket(only if he looks good in it)
-For some winter gear. Guys, I’m a total sucker for a guy in amazing knitwear. Especially if he’s rocking that look with a 3 day old stubble and grey beanie? I just say my husband flash in front of me ( #justsaying). So I’ll be looking around for some cardigans and wool jerseys.
-And then shirts. I have no problem with a white shirt and black tie. But seriously get some colour in there! I think light-skinned guys can pull off darker colours. But dark-skinned guys should stay away from those colours and stick to the lighter side of the colour palette. Right now I’m into the white/blue combinations, soft pink/purple colours and the ones with a distinctive print. I think they look gorg on anyone. Just a sidenote – blonde guys should never wear light green. Omw.
Every guy has shoes and belts. But I think I’ll get this guy a brown combination. I lot of guys have been rocking that with blue suits! So gorg. On anyone! I’m not really a fan of belt buckles so I’d keep it clean and simple.
I think guys should have shoes for every occasion too. Not the same shoes for every occasion! Sneakers are fine. Just pick their days. Also, there’d different types of sneakers so have days for them too. Formal shoes for me shoes look classy. Not with gold/silver studs or to long that it curls up at the front (goodness!) Also (this is a preference) the shine should be minimal. I’d rather have you earrings that have the shoes do that function.
A new look isn’t complete without trying a new hairstyle. For guys – the options are limited but I’d like to think that nerds are wildcards so they can pretty much try anything because they’ve stuck ‘to what works’ for a long time. So that celebrity hairstyle that’s on your phone? Get it done!
As I’m writing this I’m realizing how much more I have to say! So let’s call this part one of minimal style for guys. If you guys want to discuss it further please let me know in the comments below!
What would you add to make my friend’s wardrobe more complete? How different/similar is your style?
Xx
Jabi

How to get Berry Lips - Part one

Hi everyone!!

Today I'm doing an unusual tutorial because I've never really done a make-up look on the blog before. So since starting work I've stuck to neutrals on my lips but every now and again I'll go all badgirl berry for fun. So today I'm showing you how I put the look together without actually having all the 'right' tools!

This is the look!

What do you guys think?

Step 1: I use my mom's grape lipliner to line my lips. I've found that without it I struggle to use a lip crayon or a normal lipstick because I just find myself looking like a hot mess. So lipliners have literally saved my life.

 Step 2: the strange part - Here I use Red as my 'base' for my matte lipgloss because I don't have a grape/plum lipstick yet. It has a lot of moisture so it's perfect to act as a foundation for the next step.

Step 3: Apply matte lipgloss! Guys I luuuurve this lipgloss. Spoke about it in a previous post and I'm stick sooo addicted to it!

These are my tools!

Coppelia Colour  lipstick in 'Crimson Red'

Coppelia Colour matte lipgloss 

Colorlook lipliner in 'grape'

All these products can be found at Avroy Shlain. Avon is also a pretty good option!

How to Disconnect

Hi everyone!

Last year was a pretty awful year and so many things just went wrong. I was exhausted - mentally, physically and just so emotionally drained. If you really want to be happy be sure that you know what you want to become before you run off to college because it’s really in those last moments when you’ll have to decide if something is really worth it. Learnt that the hard way.

So I’m going to take you through the journey I went through when my world came crashing down. To be clear - this ended up being the best thing that has happened to me. When you’re a level 2 control freak like me, your world no longer makes sense when you’re not in control.
So this is what I went through to completely let go:

Go home.

Delete your Facebook account. Don’t just avoid it. Delete it and never go back till you’re ready. All you’re missing is just people having a good time and that will make you feel worse about what you’re going through.

Log out of Twitter. If you want to follow recent fashion trends or follow people who do positive things like pastors and motivational speakers – then open up another twitter account and only follow them. When you’re better you can always delete it and go back to the one you had.

Delete Whatsapp. If you have caring friends then they’ll obviously worry about you. You know you’re not okay so imagine them asking you if you’re okay everyday? It will drive you insane!! Cut off all communication.

Tell your friends in advance. If you’re going on a journey of total isolation, it
doesn’t mean that people will stop looking for you. So tell your friends that you need some time. It’s important to assure them that you will let them know when you’re available again. I took 3 months for me to be alone and having friends who understood that made it a do-able journey.

Tell your family to leave you alone. If you have a mom like mine, something like that is not easy and was an ongoing struggle for me. She just didn’t understand what I was going through. She wanted me to have ‘a plan’ and for the first time I wanted to let go of all my plans and she wouldn’t let me. It will always end up in an argument, then I’ll cry and she’ll let me have a day or 2 and then start pecking at me again. Up until one day my cousins spoke to her and she gave me some breathing room. If your family doesn’t listen to you get someone who they will listen to, to speak to them.

Make a decision about atleast one thing. When at cross roads you definitely know that one of those roads are definitely not worth travelling. You’re not sure about it but you definitely know it won’t bring you happiness. Sometimes your family will force you to go on it because they think it’s what is best for you and because the one you want has no promises. It is here where you need to take a stand a make a decision that you know will benefit you in the long run.
Prayer. Obviously we are all different. But through my journey all I could do was pray. Pray that I didn’t make the wrong decision and also that something will happen that will show me where to go. Since then I’ve been so blessed and showered with favour. And that’s another thing about things just happening…it’s hard. It comes with other factors that will test how much you want this new thing that’s just been handed to you. Perseverance is key.
I feel like I can talk all day about this topic because it has really shaped my life to where it is now. I feel different and I can say that I’m happy about letting go. It’s truly liberating!
Talk soon
Jabi

How to BUILD Confidence from the ground up!

Hi everyone!!

When I look up the word confidence I just found long sentences trying to explain it but loved what was said about ‘self-confidence’ just a bit more.

“when one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’ because one is worrying far less about failure/disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that the enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable.”

I mean... doesn’t that just speak to you? Confidence is really something you build inside. Later on people will be able to see it on the outside. And it does not happen overnight – practice makes perfect!!

So throughout my life I was known as that critically shy girl. It was just written all over me. You could see it in the way I walk, talk, dress and I guess in the way I carried myself.

Until I got to university and developed a love for fashion and all things pretty. And part of the reason was probably because I could now buy it myself. Before, my mother tried to make me a tomboy and she bought my clothes that made me feel so ugly and buried.

Getting new clothes also meant looking more confident because I can’t have hunched shoulders in a beautiful bodycon dress. Unless you really want to destroy it. Had to walk up straight and pretend to be a pro in heels (not pretending meant letting everyone see that you do the funky chicken).

So here are some quick tips to help you look confident:

STAND UP STRAIGHT! Obviously this is like step one of life. People just respond better to what you say if you look like you care about yourself and you know what you’re talking about.
KNOW YOUR BODY! Don’t wear things that don’t fit you. People judge you based on that sometimes even if they don’t say it. Their minds make that decision for them.

BE APPROACHABLE. This is still an ongoing struggle for me. Doesn’t matter how friendly I try to be, people still feel afraid to get to know me. But once they do, they don’t understand where I’ve been all their lives!!(lol)

IT’S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT. You don’t have to like stuff that other people like. Part of being confident (like above) is to enjoy what you like. Be who you like to be and not what a box that people might place you in.

DON’T CARE about things that don’t add value to your life. This took me a long, long time to master. I used to lie awake at night thinking about something someone said and 3 days later it would still bother me while that person lives on. That is precious time that I will never get back.

MAKE-UP! It is such an effective tool in trying to look strong, confident and sane. One day I was probably having the worst day and a friend of mine was like ‘Wow, you sure look good for someone who’s going through something like that’ and I was like YAASSSSS!

A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! It’s so infectious. And a powerful tool of not accepting defeat.

DO YOU FEEL HALFWAY THERE ALREADY?

Obviously you don't have to do all these things at once! Take it one day at a time! Sooner or later people will start to notice it!

Lots of Love

Jbi!