Preventing January Brokedom

Hi everyone!!

I watch people go through this every year and it amazes me how people still don’t plan for their shortcomings in January. My mom is a teacher so she’ll always tell me that her kids would all pack up and go see their families in Gauteng and then in January they won’t have enough money for school fees, uniform or books.

So this is only my first year of working and I obviously have no experience in staying afloat myself so these suggested tips will be of how I plan to have myself covered when I return to work in January!! Obviously you should let your hair down, enjoy yourself and end 2015 on a good note! But before you do that, you’ll want to consider these few life saver tips!!!

Pay all your fixed costs (recurring costs) for January now before starting with your Christmas Shopping.

Buy what you’ll need in January now while you have money e.g sanitary products that ran out in December.

Keep your gift shopping to what you can afford.

Only go on trips that you’ve been planning for or ones you are invited to and the majority of the trip has already been taken care of or is free.

Buy things with an expiry date that is past January – in that way you know that you won’t have to include it in your January grocery list.

Avoid using your credit card. Or use an amount that you can pay off within the first month in 2016.

Don’t pick up the tab - no matter how monied you are. You’ll remember that money when it’s rough and the people who you supplied with free booze will also be too broke to remember you.

Make your way back to where you live after the holidays 2 days in advance. I found that it helps you get ready for the first workday of 2016 and also gives you enough time to run last minute errands before the hecticness starts up again.

Enjoy Christmas and New Year responsibly!!

Love

How writing can help you speak up

Hi everyone!

As you know I grew up quite shy and very behind the scenes. Even though that might still be the case today I think it’s a lot better than what it used to be. I can now communicate without being too anxious and I can also be funny and not as socially awkward.

It’s been a long journey but I can definitely say that having a blog has helped me speak up. I believe that even though shy people say that they have nothing to say, it’s not really true. They just have nothing to say out loud. And I’ve been there. So I had something to say but it just wouldn’t go past my lips.

Here’s why I think writing can help you speak up:

·         Have a writing platform. You don’t need a blog. You need pen and paper/laptop. The hardest part is to get the ball rolling. Write about something close to your heart.

·         Emotions. Writing can be quite emotional. Especially if you’re a person that bottles things up or absorbs a lot of emotions, this could give you the freedom to finally express yourself.

·         Release. I believe the biggest part about setting something free is for it to longer be in your heart. Before blogging, I had a diary and shortly before that I used to write letters on a blank page and after pouring everything into it, I’d burn it. It’s really therapeutic.

·         Another one. If you feel like writing that first letter didn’t aid you in any way, that’s okay. Write another one. This time directed to a person. We all have something to say to each other. Now, put it in a letter. Especially when you can’t say it to the person’s face.

·         Now Speak. Start with smaller groups. You’ll have to fabricate the confidence though. Speaking is easy when the conversation is about things that you are interested in. You have opinions and views because it’s something you think about all the time. Now let it be heard.

·         Engage. Being part of groups really helps but there comes a time when it’s your turn to make other shy people come out of their shell. Bring people together with similar interests to yours. You don’t even have to do it face to face. These days there’s twitter chats and Facebook groups and things like that that has made it real easy for people with similar interests to connect!

What are you waiting for?

Get started!!

How to keep your promise/oath/vow

Hi guys!!

Slightly different post but this crept so deep into my heart that I decided to talk about it here. The world has gotten so small. Everyone has just adapted to the current trends and current beliefs but people who really believe in God know that He’s stayed the same.

Today I read a story about Jimdre Westbrook. He’s a 31 year old virgin who took a vow to remain a virgin till he’s married. Obviously I looked him up and read a couple of interviews about his website WorthTheWaitGuy.com. A couple of things stand out which are also things that I think will help anybody who’s also trying to stay celibate.

Disclaimer : This post is not about his virginity, it's about using his story to help you keep your vow and/or help you re-commit to a promise you once made!

I’ll be quoting from his interview because I found that he addressed some of the problems/situations we face today and basically to summarise what I’ve learned from it.

1.       He’s from Las Vegas

When I read that I was like whaaaaat? He’s right at the centre of the most care-free place! People like to blame their environment. From the community I’m from, I’m supposed to have had 3 kids, a husband that cheats on me with a woman he’s making me live with, that he dragged out from the house next door to where his mom lives in his old neighbourhood. It sounds dramatic but my neighbour had 2 wives. 2 of my uncles have 2 wives. It’s how I grew up. But I know that I’m only made for one person that I do not share. Just because I’m surrounded by this doesn’t mean that it’s what I should look forward to.

2.       He’s 31.

Every time I have lunch with my brother he’s always asking me why he doesn’t have a brother-in-law yet. ALL THE TIME. It’s because most guys I’ve come across don’t value girls with promises. It’s so rare to find a guy who’s made up their mind. Marriage doesn’t mean death. So in general guys don’t want to wait. And then they’ll pull the ‘if you love me, you’ll do it’ card. I’ve read so many stories that contain those words. And the other thing those stories have in common is that they involve 18/19 year old girls. Wait until you’re old enough/feel ready.

3.       “I feel that living at your own pace is very important”

That should be written in stone!! It’s so easy to get caught up in how fast the world is going by. People want everything NOW. Nothing is scared anymore and people are constantly trying to influence other people to go down the wrong path so that they can join them there. I absolutely get so upset when people at work say that because I’m 23 and currently not married, time is passing me by and that by the time I do want to get married, there’ll be no-one left! I like to call that ‘small town mentality’ because they think there isn’t a huge world outside of our town. Know yourself so well that you can’t be altered by someone’s opinion that holds no value.

4.       “I feel like I’m worth the wait because God’s worth the wait”

I’ve been sort of trying to think what he meant with the second part because without explaining further it could mean a couple of things. I choose to look at it as He’s honouring God by keeping his promise to Him. It’s definitely not the easiest thing to do! Promises are based on a series of decisions. The first decision is the actual promise and the rest of the decisions are the ones you make in trying to keep the original promise. I’ve come to experience that in my own life. I don’t drink alcohol. It’s the first decision I made, the rest of the decision I had to make was to say ‘no thanks- do you have coke?’ when it was being offered to me.

5.       “I’m not the one to judge people or to say she has to be exactly like me”

This is so key. Judgment is one of things that make people look down on Christianity. People don’t forgive easily which makes people opt to rather live aimlessly. Don’t live for people but exist for something. I think that you don’t really know someone until you know their life story and you’re not in a position to judge them for the person that they are. Just like you wouldn’t want someone to judge you for how you’ve lived out your journey. Really walk a mile in someone’s shoes as you’d want them to extend you the same courtesy.

I hope you guys found this post helpful!!

Xx

#WomensMonth Tribute

Hi everyone!!

As you know on 9 August it was Women’s Day and I almost wanted to cry thinking that I should have dedicated this post to all the women in my life!!

But I’ve realized that if you keep a positive attitude then there’s no space for crying over spilled milk. So, just like we like to make February Valentine’s Day MONTH I’ve decided to jump in the bandwagon of my fellow South Africans who are currently celebrating Womens Day MONTH!!

I hope in reading this (whether you’re South African or not) that you’ll also make one woman in your life feel special by dedicating an open letter to them.

What are our 20s for?

Hi everyone!

What are our twenties for?

In the past couple of months I’ve been thinking a lot about this. There’s so much pressure for us to accomplish such a lot of things in our 20s. Ever since I turned twenty I’ve gotten 2 degrees, failed one major year course that made me miserable and also made me realized that I might be in the wrong career path, gotten my first job, first salary, first flat and I now pay taxes. I've taken on lifestyle blogging which has allowed me to be more myself, grossly neglected my channel because I either don’t have time or became really sloppy in planning for my channel and I haven’t gotten my hair done since February and I’ve picked up really bad eating habits... (a bit tmi there) 

That’s quite a lot of stuff but having written them down, I feel so much better already because releasing it this way is extremely therapeutic for me. Every time I feel like I (or mom) have placed a lot of pressure on myself, Phil (yes, from Modern Family) once told Hailey that your twenties are there for you to find/discover yourself. And I also remember that God did not place me on Earth to be miserable. I might not have found something that I’m passionate about that when I wake up I want to start doing it or I would sacrifice sleep for it every day but I know it’s out there somewhere!

Passion is not something that can be taught. That’s one of the most valuable lessons I have learnt recently. And it’s important not to force it or let comparisons with your peers make you feel like you’re falling behind in life. I’ve always found it important to be ahead in life on everything. Up until I realized that I was in the middle of something I wasn’t passionate about. I had the skill to understand it because I was highly competitive and organized and it’s so funny how those qualities faded away when I realized that I was doing something that made getting out of bed every morning a nightmare.

So I now I have a couple of options. And that’s the beauty of my journey. The power to decide on my own.

   -  Leave what’s familiar behind and leap into the world of the unknown. A perfect example of someone who’s done that in the blog world is Antoinette Pepe . And what she did terrifies me but it also gives me new hope. Being in pursuit of a dream is so exhilarating and so worth-while and that’s what’s been missing from my life.

  -  Continue with what I’m doing and live under a cloud up until I’m some sort of an executive and probably making millions in what feels like the worst job on earth. The positive side is that  I’ll never be unemployed and I can work wherever I want in the world after 3 years(or maybe more) of torturous bar exams and 8-5 workdays.

  - Or start a new degree! This time hopefully in something that I’ll enjoy like languages/TV/production - basically anything creative that will hopefully involve clothes and is overall visually stimulating! I’m hopelessly too shy to be in front of the TV(working on it).

 Whichever way I go, happiness needs to be at the forefront. Being in my current job I’ve come to realize that one month is 30 days. Each day is really 24 hours and living those hours not in pursuit of a dream or being wrapped up in something passionate is really such a tragedy.

I hope my journey will inspire someone. Especially my fellow low risk takers. We never want to ruffle any feathers or disturb the peace. Until one day we wake up with a husband who’s the same as you and kids you don’t understand.

Live the life you’ll one day be proud of!

(image: Leef Tydskrif/Magazine)

I thought the quote here was so fitting. In (my own)translation it says : " The more the soul receives in silence, the more it gives in actions"

#alwayspursuehappiness

How to start saving

Hi everyone!!

I think that saving is such an important aspect of our lives as young adults. The road in front of us is just so open and we don’t know what will happen in five, ten or twenty years from now.

Job Security is such an important part of our lives too. It’s always about the economy. So many young and qualified people are unemployed and there’s nothing they can do. I’ve been there and it was such a nightmare. But once you start working there’s just so many things that you need and just can’t live without.

Girls, let’s be honest. We need everything. Those boots, that watch, that hair. And everything is sooo expensive. I’ve now entered into the life of quality buying. I still buy for quantity (there’s nothing that saddens me more than running out of clothes – what is that??) but now I buy for durability because I believe that I take good care of things I had to buy myself.

google images

Here is how you can still enjoy life and have savings:

As soon as you receive your cheque – take out the amount you want to save and put it in another account or investment plan that will earn you interest.

Make peace from the beginning that that money is untouchable. Otherwise you will rely on it and ruin your investment plan.

Give it a name. What is it for? If it’s money without a goal sometimes you see its usefulness. It will always be your reserve tank when you run into some issues. If it’s for something more tangible you’ll be more motivated to keep going.

Use a method that is beneficial to you. We all want to dig a hole and out money in there but there’s so many options now where you can get a bigger return. I’d suggest that proper research if you want to invest into more high risk investments but if you’ve never saved on your own before or with lower risk options, I’d suggest that you leave the high risk options for now.

Transfer control over that money to someone else. The bank/investment fund. Any money you have access to will always slip from your fingers. No matter how control freaky you are.

In order for these tips to work you must be determined to save. It is not easy so if you do it half-heartedly you’ll just never leave your point of departure.

Personal Side Story

My mom made a small decision after she just started working to have R100 taken from her account into some investment plan she participated in. Because the amount is so minimal she wasn’t really concerned with it. Then one day I think about 5 years ago she wanted to start her own life policy plan with Old Mutual and they found that investment plan had almost R40k in it! And she started it in her twenties! Because she didn’t know she had it, it’s as if overnight money fell into her lap and it just shows the type of mindset needed to pull off the savings game!

I hope this helps!!

Till next time!

Life as a lifestyle blogger

Hi everyone!!

I think I can describe myself as a daydreamer, fiction lover and excitement addict. I can get excited about pretty much anything. Sometimes people call me a girly girl (I don’t like that) and a hopeless romantic (absolutely not). I think I just value simple things. Like silence and the colour white. And flowers next to my bed and old photographs and reading a book about solving a mysterious murder.

So becoming a lifestyle blogger came like second nature to me even though I’m crazy about fashion. I think that even if I clean my room I just have to leave a part of it a bit messy. I don’t know why. So whenever I’m in my room there’s a couple of people (me) talking in my head. So I’ve decided to share those conversation with you (spoiler alert: if you think I’m weird now – it’s only going to become worse).

As of late I believe that I’m on a path of self-discovery but being the eldest of 4 children there’s just never time for ‘alone time’. You just always have to think for your siblings/family. It’s really scary. And very frustrating, especially those last minute things that happen unexpectedly.

So ever since I began blogging about my life more I found that it gave me such peace. It doesn’t solve anything but it leaves my body through my fingertips and then I just set it free in the universe. I find that extremely helpful because of my ‘spider webs in my head’ personality (if that makes sense).

I don’t like sharing too much about myself but sometimes when I’m talking to someone I realize that after 20 minutes of talking non-stop, I might have overshared. That’s why I find secretive people frustrating. Especially when they don’t realize that they do that. Lately I’ve just taught myself to walk away when that happens because 5 minutes later I think I’ll end up shaking it out of them (calmest reaction).

So through my lifestyle posts I’m basically letting you into my world. Like a reality show on E! Entertainment (looOooOol). I share beauty tricks (which are basically written as if a guy is writing about beauty because I only know enough to get myself out the door without looking like Jim Carey (in The Mask) and stuff that we girls talk about like college advice, confidence and self-worth(which I’m super passionate about) and boys( but less on this topic because all the cool guys I know are my friends…and all the new ones become my friends too! Uhmmm, what’s that superpower called?

Haha. So I’ll be giving you their point of view in my posts too) and I guess current events about cool stuff (enter ideas of cool stuff here).

Lol! So if you’re also a daydreamer and online dweller I think that we’re going to be spending some quality time together! Do comment so that it becomes more interactive! 

Till next time

Jabi!

How to deal : If someone opens up an old wound

Hi everyone!!

A couple of years ago I started coming out of my shell more and I’d interact with a lot of people. Students of course. Took a lot of leadership roles to learn how to handle the pressure of having a lot of people depends on me. It was okay. I felt good to help people, to inspire and to motivate.

Now that I work, there’s just a different kind of interaction going on. And I’ve come to realize that people here don’t need to be friendly. And you also have no idea how they were raised so anything can happen any day.

I work in a place with a lot of levels so we all depend on each other. And sometimes this makes me wish that I could just work in isolation so that if someone is having a bad day then I don’t have to talk to them. As harsh as that sounds.

So recently I had an encounter that opened up such a hurtful part of my life. Worst part was – I thought I was over it until all the emotions that I thought I had put behind me came rushing back. It’s as if the blood was drained from face and the tears were all over my eyes like an unscheduled rain shower.

To make it worse, the person helping me doesn’t know about that time in my life so all these facts made him more sarcastic because he’s a bit more established/higher level than me and has successfully gone through this part that I struggled to climb over.

I think I just left.

Left the office to have some air in my eyes.

When I came back I built up enough courage to get the interaction over and done with. And was just so relieved.

So these are key things that I think helped me handle it:

-As soon as I got emotional I immediately thought of options to remain calm. For me that’s air, cool water and keeping busy with some other task or leaving the environment. It’s important not to make a scene. Because then you’d have to explain the whole story or it will make the office hostile/tense.

-Remember why it’s in the past. What helped here is that I dealt with this matter thoroughly and it helped control the tears because I’ve cried about it endlessly before. If it gets out of control rather take an early lunch or rest of the day off. Or bottle it and take care of it at night by talking to someone about it.

- Do not hold a grudge. This person wasn’t in my life at the time so he’s not aware of the level of sensitivity that this particular issue comes with. So don’t keep them in your mind/heart. There’s just no time.

- Pull yourself together. Don’t waste the whole day! Work on something else or from somewhere else where you can continue being productive/ remain positive. Be strong!

Can you guys relate to this topic? I think writing it in the heat of the moment just helped me now to overcome it! You can also try to do just that!

Xx

Love

My Top 20 movies of ALL time

Hi everyone! 

Something different today. Decided to put this on paper because I sometimes forget a critical movie and then get very depressed about it (as if I don’t have stuff to do). So I put this list together based on the fact that I got my money’s worth watching it on the big screen and that I thought the creativity was insane. Some of them made me follow the actor/actress in other projects because of their amazing performance in this particular movie!

1.       Inception.

OMW. This movie blew my mind! Didn’t want to see it at first because I couldn’t identify with the topic of ‘dream stealers’ but wow can I tell you all about it now! Christopher Nolan is now one of my Blockbuster Icons.

2.       Batman: The Dark Knight

OMW. Heath Ledger was sooooo amazing as The Joker. I can delete all my movies but that one will always remain. I’ve never really seen him in anything else and I won’t because this was his best Oscar winning performance and I don’t want to spoil it.

3.       Ironman 3

Not that I don’t love the 1^st two but this one is right up there. The visuals, the many suits and Pepper Potts getting a bigger role and the villain being older man sexy!

4.       Marvel’s the Avengers

OMW. That’s like my favourite people in one movie! I have to say that I’m soo happy that Mark Ruffalo was the Hulk. Not that I didn’t like Edward it’s just that this guy just had it in him. The geek side, the shyness, the genius and when he transforms, it just feels right.

5.       Thor: The Dark World

OMW. Chris Hemsworth was just born to play Thor. I don’t care what they put on him to look like that but man does that character suit him. I also like how Idris Elba portrayed his role and how Tom Middleton manages to make me hate him in the movie! Also loved Rene Russo’s role as Thor’s mom. She just made me want to call her ‘Your highness'.

6.       Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier

Samuel L. Jackson has been in a lot of movies but I really see him most fitting to play Nick Fury. He has that authority vibe going on making you feel safe to be on team Shield. Of course I also watch the TV show and I think that it’s a crime that Agent May wasn't in the movie. She's so cool!

7.       The Fifth Element

Guys, this is an old movie but omw was everyone fantastic in it! The creativity was on another level. I feel like I have an eye for good syfy and this was it. And Milla and Bruce Willis are the only people who could’ve pulled it off. And Chris Tucker should’ve gotten an Oscar for his performance! I also thought the story was original and easy enough to follow and relate to.

8.       Gone Girl

Never read this book but I’m so glad I watched the movie! I was invited by a friend and I was sooo shocked at the level of complexity in the storyline and I completely blown away by Rosamund Pike’s performance and really thought that she was going to get an Oscar for her role. Maybe next time!

9.       Red 2

If I could ever find love, it will definitely be the way Bruce Willis and Mary- Jane finds it in this movie. Red 2 is better because it’s filled with more action and a lot more humor and the storyline becomes so deep and all the characters just create a deeper bond with each other. Hellen Mirren’s character in this movie makes you want to see her with a gun in all movies!

10.    Mission Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol
Not that I didn’t love the one with Maggie Q in that amazing red dress, I just think that the 4^th instalment was soo much bigger than the others. Paula Patton as amazing and all of Tom’s stunt were flawless and created so much anxiety! I also think that using the Burj was the perfect place for the mission just like Eiffel Tower was in Rush Hour.

11.    Seven Pounds

I believe in love. And in this movie I believe that they took it to the next level. The storyline was so extraordinary, so unique, so selfish. And I cried like a baby at the end. Like sobbed. And I think Will Smith and Rosario Dawson were best suited to bring those people to life.

12.    Fast 6

Let me be clear- I’m not a fan of the franchise so this one was the first one I watched and omw was it a thrill of a lifetime! Not enough to go back thou! All the characters were just sooo ‘at home’ and are really invested in these characters so it was pretty easy to figure out what went on. And the action was sooo on point! More than the racing itself so I really appreciated that. And the movie gives you a sense of family which makes it easily relatable.

13.    Now you see me

This movie is the result of what I would call Magicians United. I feel like I went in there with no expectations and the movie just delivered. I’m not a fan of magic reality shows so I don’t know if all the magic fans were disappointed but I was so glued to the storyline and the tricks and ‘lesson to be learnt’ that I thought that it must have taken them quite some time to make it unique. So 13 thumbs up!

14.    Law Abiding Citizen

Oldie but still a goodie! I like a man with a plan! Even a revenge plan on the big screen. What happened with the lead character portrayed by Gerald Butler made us all identify with him and so his journey made us all gasp and wonder what came next. I would watch that movie again any day.

15.    Avatar

I think this is some people’s number one but I only watched Avatar once, loved it but would never watch it again. When I checked I heard that it was the best-selling movie of all time that replaced Titanic and later found out that it was directed by the same director James Cameron. This guy has the gift of going big and I admire that in a visionary person!

16.    Fantastic Four: Rise of Silver Surfer

I don’t know what’s up with me and my attraction to nerds but man do I love Mr Fantastic in this movie! He is so gorg! I also love The Thing. He reminds of Hulk. And I just felt like the sequel was just bigger and better! And that spaceship thing he made was like nerdtastic!

17.    The Women

Never really been a fan of Meg Ryan but there’s two movies where she does it for me and it’s this one and Kate & Leopold. Hugh Jackman was probably the reason for my ability to fall in love in that movie! In this one I just like how middle aged women were facing real problems together and it just made me want to have a bond like that in future.

18.    Colombiana

My girl crush of all time Zoe Saldana kicks a$$ in this movie the way I like it! I especially connected with her vulnerability with her boyfriend when he really wanted to get to ‘know’ her and the danger that brought to her very existence. And she just looked so flawless throughout!

19.    Wolverine

Hugh Jackman is one of my favourite actors of all time and there’s truly no-one better to bring this beast to life. Amazing direction of photography, raw action and all the characters really made you understand how X-Men came to be born to what we know it as today. 

20.    It’s complicated/The proposal.

Both these movies are at number 20 because I didn’t know which one to choose. Meryl Streep is an amazing actress and this movie made me understand old people and how love can evolve if/when you just let go.  I guess the same is true about Sandra Bullock’s character. She built such a strong wall around herself that it was terrifying when a good man wanted to break them down. But seriously, who’s not in love with Ryan Reynolds by now?

What do you guys think?

Pictures from Google

How to Disconnect

Hi everyone!

Last year was a pretty awful year and so many things just went wrong. I was exhausted - mentally, physically and just so emotionally drained. If you really want to be happy be sure that you know what you want to become before you run off to college because it’s really in those last moments when you’ll have to decide if something is really worth it. Learnt that the hard way.

So I’m going to take you through the journey I went through when my world came crashing down. To be clear - this ended up being the best thing that has happened to me. When you’re a level 2 control freak like me, your world no longer makes sense when you’re not in control.
So this is what I went through to completely let go:

Go home.

Delete your Facebook account. Don’t just avoid it. Delete it and never go back till you’re ready. All you’re missing is just people having a good time and that will make you feel worse about what you’re going through.

Log out of Twitter. If you want to follow recent fashion trends or follow people who do positive things like pastors and motivational speakers – then open up another twitter account and only follow them. When you’re better you can always delete it and go back to the one you had.

Delete Whatsapp. If you have caring friends then they’ll obviously worry about you. You know you’re not okay so imagine them asking you if you’re okay everyday? It will drive you insane!! Cut off all communication.

Tell your friends in advance. If you’re going on a journey of total isolation, it
doesn’t mean that people will stop looking for you. So tell your friends that you need some time. It’s important to assure them that you will let them know when you’re available again. I took 3 months for me to be alone and having friends who understood that made it a do-able journey.

Tell your family to leave you alone. If you have a mom like mine, something like that is not easy and was an ongoing struggle for me. She just didn’t understand what I was going through. She wanted me to have ‘a plan’ and for the first time I wanted to let go of all my plans and she wouldn’t let me. It will always end up in an argument, then I’ll cry and she’ll let me have a day or 2 and then start pecking at me again. Up until one day my cousins spoke to her and she gave me some breathing room. If your family doesn’t listen to you get someone who they will listen to, to speak to them.

Make a decision about atleast one thing. When at cross roads you definitely know that one of those roads are definitely not worth travelling. You’re not sure about it but you definitely know it won’t bring you happiness. Sometimes your family will force you to go on it because they think it’s what is best for you and because the one you want has no promises. It is here where you need to take a stand a make a decision that you know will benefit you in the long run.
Prayer. Obviously we are all different. But through my journey all I could do was pray. Pray that I didn’t make the wrong decision and also that something will happen that will show me where to go. Since then I’ve been so blessed and showered with favour. And that’s another thing about things just happening…it’s hard. It comes with other factors that will test how much you want this new thing that’s just been handed to you. Perseverance is key.
I feel like I can talk all day about this topic because it has really shaped my life to where it is now. I feel different and I can say that I’m happy about letting go. It’s truly liberating!
Talk soon
Jabi

How to end a BAD friendship

Hi everyone!!

From the title I guess it sounds pretty harsh right?

It’s actually more real than anything else. I recently read an article in Seventeen Magazine about a girl who was raped by her boyfriend. If that wasn’t enough to creep me out I just can’t forget her saying that when she brought up it up with her friends they just didn’t LISTEN to her. This obviously worst case of bad friends so I’m just blessed I guess – to have all my friends in my life who would have really listened to me.

So today’s kind of bad friend is really someone who you really burdens you.

These things have happened/ currently happening:

·        You show up for their accomplishments and they never celebrate yours with you.

·         You are always calling them and they don’t bother to check in with you with any of the IM platforms   available

·        You always ask about things happening in their life and they never go..’and you?’

·        When they need alone time they don’t notify you and then blame you for not checking on them

·         They always judge/criticize you when all you really needed was someone to talk to

·         They make you feel negative about life whether it’s them always complaining about life/you feeling depressed

These are basically all the things that indicate ‘bad friend’ to me. I know that some people have it worse but maybe it’s because I don’t have time to invest quality time into a friendship that won’t have a positive influence on me. I always strive to be the best friend that I can be so in return all I basically need is for someone to do that for me.

If you have a bad friend like that sooner or later they won’t show up to something that is at the top of your list of important things that you would have sacrificed your own personal plans to be there for them.

It’s really the little things for me that speaks volumes.

Obviously we can’t be where we want be at the same time but a friend always knows how to celebrate you from miles away and how you feel about certain things and what it means for your friendship to spend quality time together.

Friendships that are a burden for you will poison you whether it’s happening now or not. You can have a million facebook friends but at the end of the day only your best friends will worry about you/check up on you and call you on your birthday. Those are the ones worth keeping. And those are the friends we all appreciate.

Have you ever walked away from a friend? What was your dealbreaker?

With love

Jabi

Introvert girls’ guide to appreciating a good guy

Hi everyone!!

Today’s post is basically my opinion on how to choose the one who chooses your heart.

I think some of my best friends are so close to my heart because we share the same values. So through the years we’ve just had our own life experiences and now we are here. Where we definitely know what we don’t want. And it’s truly amazing to get here in one piece.

So this is an open letter to my friend…and to all girls who can identify with it.

I know almost nothing about love. So this is a bit out of my element. Never really been
in love either so I don’t know what it’s like to jump off a roof like that hoping that he will catch you. I guess I’ve just never put so much trust in anyone. Never mind a guy. I just don’t have the courage to do that yet. So this is just some background.

But through all the years in high school and 5 years of university I’ve learnt some valuable lessons through the eyes of my friends’ life experiences.

Today I think I’ll look through the eyes of my one best friend.

Love comes in all shapes and personalities. People just express themselves differently. My mom always says that as girls there are certain things that we just can’t live without. Or go the whole day without hearing. And we’re all different in this regard. We want to hear that we are loved and we want people to tell us things that they’ve noticed that make us unique. Like how they see that you’re stressed/upset/worried without us knowing that we were reacting that way. Or hear them say something you thought went in the one ear and the out the other. Or when they surprise you without a reason or randomly pick you up for coffee/ a random walk.

Having grown up conservatively and I guess under difficult financial pressure we’re just obsessed with finding someone who can take care of us. We can take care of ourselves, ofcourse, that’s why we worked extra hard in school to make something of ourselves. So I guess on the way we just want to stop carrying the world on our shoulders and just kick back our heels and briefcases and have a glass of wine brought to us now and again. Is that really too much to ask? Lol!

I just think that now we need be free. We know what we want so instead of looking for it we should be careful not to let it pass by in pursuit of something perfect. Love is not something we find, it’s really something we create. Just like the SELF. And I’ve truly learnt that the hard way. And it was through the journey of trying to find myself that I came to the realization that I need to re-create.

Same with love. Walk away if it doesn’t bring you what you need (which is like the hardest part) in order to sustain happiness. Life is still happening. And I’d just prefer going through it with my best friend who’s also looking for happiness.  And has lots of it to give.

Share your experiences with me!!

Comment with your links below – I would love to read your story!

Xx

Jabi