Hi everyone!
It’s been a few weeks now and I thought I should give you
guys a life update. It’s only been 3 months into 2017 and I feel like I’ve
gotten through more things than I have in 2016. I think last year I didn’t really
deal with it in the right way so I’m trying several new methods this year that
will hopefully be more sustainable.
All my spheres are basically under attack. Especially my
family and that’s a real emotional soft spot for me because I’ve always been a
worrier (changes in progress). I know that everyone has their own individual
family issues which can be so much worse than mine so I’m not going to waste
time going into details about it. My first priority this year was to move away
from carrying full responsibility for their
health, happiness and satisfaction. Now, this sounds very tough because, like
most people, no-one wants to disappoint their family.
So as I’m doing this I’ve just realized that in order to
succeed/pull this off I’ll need to shut down certain aspects of me that actually
contribute to me as a person. Which includes generosity, caring for others and
the desire to always assist in coming up with a plan (which is a skill I
learned recently – prior to that I would just break down and cry if I hit a
wall). I’ve always seen myself as having a huge guilty conscious – which up
until recently I thought was good thing. I ‘used’ it to prevent me from lying
and in order to keep my promises. LOL! I know, I know. In order to regain my
power I had to learn to say No and to return ‘plscallme’ with another
‘plscallme’.
I had to learn to stop following up on things that don’t
concern me. I’ve always been a gladiator for my friends and family. Always made
sure that they were fine a week from now, a month from now and a year from now.
And that has to stop. Mostly because it has become so expensive now that I have
to call them. I also had to stop following up on things that do concern me.
Especially things I can’t change. With my history with my father I sort
of had to learn to accept people as they are and not how I want them to be. But
for some reason my mind would not let me apply that to my own sibling and he
has clearly taken advantage of my goodness and generosity for far too long
without looking back to the damage it has caused me.
So in order to deal with it I had to build more walls in order to protect myself
and in order to prioritize. I had to learn to put myself first. As I’m writing
this, there’s so many people I want to catch up with and ‘follow up’ on them to
see if they are coping but that goes against putting myself first because I
haven’t stopped to ask myself: Am I okay? Am I satisfied? Where’s my life
going? Am I still trying every day to be in line with my purpose? What is my
purpose? Am I where God wants me to be? Am I growing at a reasonable pace? What
is a reasonable pace? Am I making progress in my life?
Answers to these questions take time. And they also evolve.
Some people go through an entire lifetime without asking themselves. Can you
imagine what that’s like? To some it sounds easy right? Until you really have
to evaluate the answers and the angle/perspective you’re answering them from.
One thing I’m learning right now is to unload. I’m giving some things away that
I’ve carried with me for years! Because by hoarding it, there’s no space for
new things. I also feel like interacting with people less because they don’t
realize that their view of me (or previous me) slows me down into developing
into the person I want to be.
Life has no correct answers. In order to solve a problem you
must first acknowledge it (even if it’s you) and then evaluate several possible
outcomes and choose the one that will work for you (not the socially acceptable
one) and then implement it!
Be brave!
xx
