5 things Preventing you from Starting 2016

Hi everyone!

I feel like I woke up in 2016 and went straight to work. I know a lot of people who only start next week and the week after that even in our own building as I walk up to my office every day before 8. So yesterday when I was watching Happily Never After I just decided to switch off the TV and go clean my room and after half of it was packed away I realized that I haven’t stepped into this awesome New Year.

Here are my observations in my life and I think that if you have the same we might be in the same boat.

1.       I don’t have a 2016 calendar or diary.

That was like the first obvious thing. Normally I create my own calendar because I want it to fit in with my room decor. I normally don’t use a diary but this year has a lot of things going on so scheduling will be a huge part of my life. So not having one indicates that I have not been adapting to a new schedule or new planning.

2.       I haven’t started running

I do not identify with new years resolutions so when my jeans started not fitting me anymore I decided to start running just before Christmas and then into the new year and I still haven’t started. Worst part is that my running gear has been set aside but every day when my alarm goes off, my only basic instinct to switch it off without guilt or feeling like I ruined my plans.

3.       My sleeping routine is off track

In order to adjust back to my work routine I need to be in bed by 9 and asleep atleast by 10. I haven’t been able to do that even when I was tired on Monday night. That’s a huge concern because it does sort of determine if I’ll make it through working hours the next day – learnt that all through last year!!

4.       I don’t have social plans.

That doesn’t worry me as much, but it is indicating that I don’t have something to look forward to. So this is not the same as not having social events to go to but more of that they are there but I’m trying to get out of them so that I’m not with people. I’ve been isolating myself a lot lately and I'm really worried about it and it is also indicative of not having started the New Year off right.

5.       Adapting

This is very vague but affects so many things that sort of doesn’t bother you that much - before you really think about it. For example I haven’t adapted that I’m now a second year in training at work. So our training contracts are 3 years long and just yesterday someone said: “Can you believe there’s 24 months left?” And that really took the wind out of my tummy because I didn’t realize it till she mentioned it. For me this week was another week at the office. Or when my other friend told me that there are 10 weeks left before our first test for the course we enrolled for this year. And not a single thought as entered my mind about that course that I’ll be paying for. It started to feel more like I'm sleepwalking and haven't really stepped into this awesome new year.

Actually now as I’m writing this it’s helping me identify my own issues and things that I need to work on which is why I love my blog so much. I think internalizing it was also starting to give me a headache but now that it is out I can start working on it and so can you!!

Am I the only one that feels this way?

Love,

How writing can help you speak up

Hi everyone!

As you know I grew up quite shy and very behind the scenes. Even though that might still be the case today I think it’s a lot better than what it used to be. I can now communicate without being too anxious and I can also be funny and not as socially awkward.

It’s been a long journey but I can definitely say that having a blog has helped me speak up. I believe that even though shy people say that they have nothing to say, it’s not really true. They just have nothing to say out loud. And I’ve been there. So I had something to say but it just wouldn’t go past my lips.

Here’s why I think writing can help you speak up:

·         Have a writing platform. You don’t need a blog. You need pen and paper/laptop. The hardest part is to get the ball rolling. Write about something close to your heart.

·         Emotions. Writing can be quite emotional. Especially if you’re a person that bottles things up or absorbs a lot of emotions, this could give you the freedom to finally express yourself.

·         Release. I believe the biggest part about setting something free is for it to longer be in your heart. Before blogging, I had a diary and shortly before that I used to write letters on a blank page and after pouring everything into it, I’d burn it. It’s really therapeutic.

·         Another one. If you feel like writing that first letter didn’t aid you in any way, that’s okay. Write another one. This time directed to a person. We all have something to say to each other. Now, put it in a letter. Especially when you can’t say it to the person’s face.

·         Now Speak. Start with smaller groups. You’ll have to fabricate the confidence though. Speaking is easy when the conversation is about things that you are interested in. You have opinions and views because it’s something you think about all the time. Now let it be heard.

·         Engage. Being part of groups really helps but there comes a time when it’s your turn to make other shy people come out of their shell. Bring people together with similar interests to yours. You don’t even have to do it face to face. These days there’s twitter chats and Facebook groups and things like that that has made it real easy for people with similar interests to connect!

What are you waiting for?

Get started!!

Designed by Love from Be

Hi Everyone!

As you can already tell my blog’s gone through a bit of a facelift. So this started when I mentioned to Rose from Le Petit Trianon that we needed step up our blogging game. The post on how to make the second part of the year spectacular seems like to have spoken to a lot of you guys because it’s one of the most read posts in my blog archive. So after some awesome suggestions from Rose, I started planning on how I can make this space more inviting and presentable.

The story

So there I was looking around for South African designers( you know, because local is lekker) and because some people don’t really answer e-mails or DMs and also finding someone asking above a grand just left me feeling really frustrated. Then I remembered that when Rose’s blog was still Crumbliest I read that it was designed by Be. I think I also started following her around that time.

So then I decided to ask her on Twitter and she agreed! She had exams at the time so I had to wait till they were over and then she started working on it. The conditions/playing rules to working with her were clear as day and I just thought it would be a piece of cake to sort out the other things. If you’re South African Blogger the next will be applicable to you. If not – skip to final result.

The complication

At the time I had an FNB smart card because I opened it up before I got a job. Then when I tried to setup PayPal it required a Cheque account. So because I did not have one I asked my mom if I could use hers but because hers wasn’t linked up to FNB online banking facility, the process wouldn’t work. Then I tried to switch over to a Cheque Account myself then I had to wait like forever for the card to arrive and on top of that I had to obtain proof of residence because I’m living in a new place that’s based on a lease agreement (that I hadn’t signed yet). So I had to wait for the contract, sign it and then have access to proof of payment. After that I could fetch my new card (and the queue was ridiculous that day) And then only I could have Paypal verify the account.

So the lesson here: Have an active Paypal Account now (whether you need it or not because one day you’ll need it urgently!

Brainstorming

To be quite honest, I didn’t know how I wanted the blog to look like. I was still keeping it from my friends and family because my audience is based more in the US/UK. One thing I knew though was that it had to be clean and crisp. My main inspirations are Shirley B.Eniang and Wendy’s LookBook. Obviously what makes theirs stand out more is amazing photography which is something I painfully lack (working on it!). So I sent Be an e-mail with vague instructions of what I’d like it to look like hoping that she’ll read my mind, countries away. I was also counting on her experience with her previous design jobs because I always loved browsing through her portfolio.

Final Result

What makes me happy about my blog now is how clean and elegant it is. Like a white canvas that is yet to be painted. That’s where I am with my blog – the beginning. And the minty green is the exact shade that I wanted because it also gives the blog some colour but is so faint that it fits in nicely with the clean spring theme. I work with difficult people all day long at work so working with Be was like a breeze of fresh air. Through all the drama and despite the setbacks behind the scenes she continued working on the design and changing it when I asked her to and she continued working on it up until I was COMPLETELY satisfied.

And I’m happy!!

If you’d like to work with her on your blog design, check out her portfolio!

Later

xx

#WomensMonth Tribute

Hi everyone!!

As you know on 9 August it was Women’s Day and I almost wanted to cry thinking that I should have dedicated this post to all the women in my life!!

But I’ve realized that if you keep a positive attitude then there’s no space for crying over spilled milk. So, just like we like to make February Valentine’s Day MONTH I’ve decided to jump in the bandwagon of my fellow South Africans who are currently celebrating Womens Day MONTH!!

I hope in reading this (whether you’re South African or not) that you’ll also make one woman in your life feel special by dedicating an open letter to them.

How to Love your Body

Hey Everyone!!

For the longest time I’ve cared too much of what people think of me. Wayyy too much!! I can’t wear this here or I can’t say this amongst these people… And as of late I’ve just been like who gives two shits?

Don’t misunderstand me. I care about my image. I care that people not know me coke-addicted professional side chick only because those are the things I’m not. But things that I am? Those are the things I refuse to let someone make me feel inferior about. And we all have to protect that about ourselves.

Let’s start with my body image.

I don’t have the traditional ‘African’ booty. And for the longest time I was too scared to wear bodycon dresses or skirts because I scared that people would say that I’m part of the ‘iron board society’. Surprisingly that’s all I’ve been wearing for work because I haven’t found any ‘workpants’ that I’m in love with. And you know what came out of it? I discovered that I have amazing legs!!

I wear make-up now. And where I work the women are okay being ‘naturally beautiful’ – which I have no problem with but they’re constantly trying to make you feel bad about wearing make-up. So since then I’ve been wearing bolder colours!! Because I DO NOT care about how they feel. I’m there to do a job. In style. I’m not there for them. And this comes in small condescending remarks covered by a super thin veil. Ignore it. They’re just trying to plant their insecurities on you. Listening to them will be like watering it.

Apply the same if someone is trying to body shame you. There’s no point in trying to bring down other women and make them feel small/insignificant! We’re fine doing it on our own – and that’s something we’re working on every day. So if someone wants to add onto that (not in a positive way) then walk away from that person or protect yourself against them.

Next is your walk.

Two people significantly changed how I walk in my life. One was my mom because she always wanted me to be a beauty queen so my shoulders had to be super straight. And the other one was at uni. I was super depressed at times and this one girl was like: “you always walk like you’re tired, its 8 am!” At the time I wanted to set her on fire but she’ll never know how much that has changed my life. Now I’m always telling people to walk up straight or in a way that portrays more confidence.

The face.

People always tell me that I look ‘unapproachable’ and each time my jaw just drops because I always think that my face looks friendly. Then I realised that it’s probably because I’m listening to all the people in my head which could result in frowning or the ‘bitchface syndrome’. So now I smile more and greet people first because in that way they’re free to approach me. Ever since I started doing that people found it not so scary to talk to me anymore and I want to keep it that way!

Have you found some similarities in the things I just mentioned?

Share with me!

LIFE| How to deal with waiting for a job.

Hi everyone!

So today I thought I'd open up more by talking about a personal struggle and what I've learnt from it.

How to deal with waiting for a job/ post graduate blues?

So it goes a bit like this. You had a blast at university/college and now there’s no funds for you to remain at university/college and you have no choice but to look for something to keep you busy! It might as well be what you studied for right? So you go onto Google to poke around and a few things you like pop up and then you send in your resume/CV and have some ice-cream on the way home with the hopes that they’ll call you soon to start working...or so I thought.

I think it’s been about 3 months now and I’ve made more than 70/80 applications for me and my brother. My brother recently got some responses but I’ve gotten almost no feedback and most of them said if there’s no communication from their side then consider your application unsuccessful. So I assume that’s what happened to most of them.

By now I’ve gone through just about every emotion. It started at positivity/optimism through to confusion and frustration and then just sadness, disappointment and despair. I even stopped looking for a while. Convinced myself that it wasn’t worth it. I’ll just sit at home and ‘rest’. But then resting becomes tiring and it takes up a lot of energy to do nothing day in and day out. I’ve always had something to do and somewhere to be and I quickly realized that I needed to get the quitting attitude out of my system. I didn’t suit me.

What really helped was having something to do. For me- it’s this blog. The planning, the photos, the uploading, the constant hassle at the internet cafe and trying to keep up with current trends.
Now I’m more determined. It’s okay to give up today. But only today. Tomorrow shouldn’t carry yesterday’s burden. I’ve now learned that the hard way.

Here’s what I recommend to help you try again!

Don’t give up. Have atleast one thing that keeps you going. Even it’s money. Sometimes people say you shouldn’t be motivated by money but if you can’t even buy toiletries on your own then you obviously need money! Let that push you!

Surround yourself with cheerleaders! It’s easy to not take negative feedback well. So you need those people who know how suitably qualified you are! They are also the people who’ll put in a good word for you with their associates/colleagues who know someone’s aunt who’s looking for someone with your qualifications.

Keep yourself busy. Depression lurks when there’s nothing going on in your life. It will keep the war in your head. Instead fight against it with having something to do even if it’s doing something for someone for free. It’s frustrating but it will get you out of your head. Michelle Phan couldn’t get a job and then filmed a make-up tutorial. And now she’s a successful millionaire.

Keep an emotional cycle. If you’re emotional like me, it’s quite easy to be totally destroyed by negativity or the waiting game. So always have a restart point. Mine is Mondays. I don’t take the previous week’s things into the next week. So on Sundays I make sure that I recharge to go into the week on a high. I push through with the applications till Friday and then focus on my blog on the weekend.

Don’t compare yourself with your peers. This is a mind thing. Don’t count the people in your age group who have jobs now or are progressing in their lives. This could destroy you. You are you! And you’re on your own path! I think this might make me preach! Point is..5 years from now you all be in different stages of life. Focus on your own goals and not on how far someone is ahead of you! God has a plan for your life. The road has been set. You’re currently travelling on it which means that this time in your life is suppose to teach you something. That’s why I choose to look for the lesson in it.

So today’s lesson is – NEVER STOP DREAMING!