Hi everyone!
Remaining too long with regret/being burdened by
failure is like being Buridan’s ass which implies a paradox that a hungry
donkey standing equidistant between two bales of hay will starve to death,
paralyzed by the indecision about which nosh to choose.
Being frozen in place or feeling stuck in life is
the worst thing for an intelligent and smart individual and it can either force
a person to act immediately and jump into a new venture, which may work out
great for them, if not, they would just move on to the next venture – it is
crucial for these individuals to keep going. But then you get the ones who
completely fall apart and based on the number of times it has happened to me,
those kinds of people are my people.
Initially I would talk to my loved ones about it but
they were both bad listeners and did not solve my problems so I needed a professional.
That was a very slow work in progress
but after a few sessions I realised that we are webbed in such a complicated
way from childhood and in order to understand how everything connects, one
needs to unravel a lot of things that one thought were part of what one once
deemed to be the permanent structure, but it was just something placed there
temporarily that can no longer hold you.
1. Accept
Accept that you might have made a bad decision. Call
it what it is – a stupid decision. Shame/Regret grows in secret. It becomes way
bigger than what it is. It can grow to become a full blown irrational fear.
That can grow to cause panic attacks and render you paralysed. So take it, look
it, talk to it, accept that it happened, thank it for being part of your story
(if more traumatic – turn the tragedy into a testimony or use it to serve
others that are more traumatized by it), and then release the grip it has over
you by setting it free or carrying along but this time, you are making it your
strength.
2. Reject
In order to be what you aspire to be, you have to ‘kill’
who you are now. For example –if you want to be a business woman, you need to
look into ways to become healthier, more organised and more resourceful. If you
were a procrastinator before now you need to be persistent, ambitious and again
– more organised. So you need to rejects parts of you that have even become
habits in order to become a version of what you aspire to be. You need to
decide to stop doing certain things. It will be hard sometimes but that is
where you refer back to deciding what you need to become.
3. Action
This part is crucial. You will NOT see any changes without
this last step. Once you have worked on the inside, it is time to take action
on the outside. You can start by having an online planner or a diary/journal.
You can set up meetings with potential clients. You prepare both positive and
negative responses. You can also sign up for that those skills you wanted to
obtain or experience you wanted to gain by doing a certain job. Action can also
take place internally like building better boundaries, choosing who your close
friends are or teaching yourself how to speak in front of a crowd.
It is not easy to start fresh but each day really
does provide the opportunity to do so. I also think that living to meet the
expectations of peers/family is irrational just like the fear one feels during a
panic attack. Starting over might hurt if it makes your life uncomfortable for
a few months/years but it is way better than foreseeing a whole 40-50 years of predictable
unhappiness or not living the life you want because of people/reasons that are
only applicable now.
This process can me emotional so I would recommend uninterrupted
alone time in order to focus on it and really dig into why you are where you
are mentally.
All the best!
Love,
