10 things that WASTE your TIME!

Hi everyone!

Recently I had to face the fact that I have 24 hours just like everyone else but it just seems like I have less time at the end of the day. It made me feel ineffective and so depressed because I have all these plans but my time management skills are not on par with my plans and dreams.

So sometimes it helps to account for all the time available to you. To make an example I’ll use my Mondays.

As you can see, work takes up the majority of my time. And I always try to get about 7 hours of sleep because I’m miserable with less!! Been trying to cut down to 6 because of my studies but it just hasn’t happened. Plus I’ve also been trying to sleep without having the TV on. Which has been a long process but it’s finally happening!

So a few things could be wasting that 3.5 hours of free time you have in that precious 24 hour cycle.

1.       Watching repeating shows. Look Friends has been on the airways for like what...a 100 years? But we keep on watching The One Chandler marries Monica over and over again. They already made money on that episode that first or second time you watched it!!

2.       Taking a nap when you’re not sleepy. Maybe it’s because I’ve never mastered a nap but taking a nap that will not amount to anything is so frustrating! Most times I end up waking up and doing what I was doing before.

3.       Endless gossip. If you haven’t noticed, gossiping takes time and it’s the real juicy gossip that takes even more time. I’ve been accused a lot about being an impatient gossip listener but I just can’t spend hours listening to that. Just tell me the piece at the end where my jaw drops.

4.       Wishing you could change something. I’m the biggest victim to this because it takes me a while to accept things for what they are and until recently loved ones for who they are. I just grew up in my own world because I was an extreme introvert for most of my life. So accepting a situation promotes a realistic opportunity to come up with real solutions so that your life can move on.

5.       Social Media. Look we’re always on our phones…so that’s not the problem. The problem is when Study Time becomes Instagram time. And I’m a huge victim to this. I literally feel like I have a serious case of FOMO! These days I just give someone my phone until I can get this under control!!

6.       Looking for something to wear. This takes soooo much time in the morning!! One of the reasons why I’m always late! On the mornings when I picked out something the night before I find that I’m on time and less frustrated!

7.       Trolling Youtubers and bloggers. Think about that 5- 10 minutes you wasted trying to break a person’s spirit. You could have used it to build up yours seeing that your powers to break it comes from you! Ever since I started blogging I eventually started seeing that it’s just better to unfollow rather than spend all your time not liking someone’s content! Find someone else you like and uplift them!

8.       Internal Turmoil. I used to suffer from this FOR YEARS. Up to the point where I’ll have a serious case of heartburn! I never want to hurt people but sometimes people just force the worse out of you. Even though at the time you were standing up for yourself you later on spend hours thinking about what you said to them. If you’re wrong – apologize. If not – then accept what you said and move on!!

9.       Bad Friends. We’ve all had that friend that does nothing in return for you!! All they do is take/receive and all you do is give - up until one day you have nothing to show for it!! You will see it on the day when you need them the most – they will typically not drop everything for you even if you’ve shifted your universe for something less urgent for them. Realize that it’s time to walk away.

10.   Not cleaning after yourself.  If you make a mess, don’t you realize that future time needs to be used to clean it up? When I’m not feeling well, you can tell by my room. I sometimes say that the state it is in, represent how I feel. But when I wake up and I’m blessed with a new day I have to use time out of that day to clean up yesterday’s mess!!! What a waste of time!!

11.   EXTRA ONE – Do not spend time worrying about tomorrow. That is such a waste of time. Instead spend your time planning and always leave room to be surprised and blessed! And also be prepared to deal with challenges in a positive manner!!

Hope this helps!!

xx

Crisis Control

Hi everyone!!

Guys, I’ve been having the biggest writer’s block everrrrr!! All I can think about is how I constantly need to be studying which would basically be adapting to what my life should be right now. I don’t know how working single moms can also study part-time. I really have the biggest respect for them now.

Anyway so today I thought we could talk about how to handle chaos which is the definition of my world right now. I sometimes wish that I had a routine job because my job requires me to be quite flexible because I work with different clients with different needs. So I can plan all I want but on most days I have prioritize which fire to blow out first.

So on days of chaos I also have slightly severe self-confidence issues as well. Like I feel bad if my hair isn’t awesome or if I didn’t have enough time to apply a layer of foundation or most importantly concealer! Or if my lips don’t have some Vaseline! I feel sick and definitely look sick. So those issues can add to how you handle challenges coming your way.

So when that happens I try to fix atleast one thing in each of the following life spheres:

1.       Spiritual Well being

This is more than religion or how you spend your Sundays/Saturdays. It’s how about inner cleansing. Releasing things you cannot change and accepting new changes in your life. Find inner peace and using that to face your daily struggles. Sometime you find that you’re holding a grudge or someone disappointed you in some way and you keep dragging that along.

2.       Outer Appearance

This might be different to each of us but for me I find that I feel quite okay if I have even toned skin, my bags are packed with some concealer, my brows are filled and I have one layer of mascara. My outfit is comfortable (because I’m seated all day) and I’m wearing comfy (preferable strappy shoes).  Usually on those days I can basically be Olivia Pope.

3.       Work Stress

I can actually put those two words together because some of us don’t have jobs that make us happy yet. I’m just so glad my body has gotten used to the routine and I no longer feel like I’m waking up under a rock. Sometimes when you stop fighting something it actually gives you space. So this year I’ve learnt to embrace every challenge and really apply my mind because you don’t know if you need those particular skills for what you’re meant to do in future.

4.       Emotional Intelligence

It’s so essential for your emotional state to be in check when you’re going through a crisis because if that is also a factor it could be origin of all your stress/chaos/crisis. It’s very important to try and address the original feeling that got hurt. We spend so much time thinking how we would get back at a person that when the question is finally being asked you just cry about everything. Sometimes it can just be neglect but you confuse it with what he did last week that also pissed you off but wasn’t a deal breaker.  Emotional honesty is so key.

5.       Physical Needs

Instagram is poisoning us with beautifully sculpted bodies and quick ways to achieve them but you just can’t get up on Monday to run around the block. I actually set up an alarm to go running in the mornings and I snoozed it for a whole month up until one day I convinced myself to just start speed walking in the mornings and there I was walking after a whole month of not being able to get out of bed. It’s also important to change your diet. Exercises doesn’t equal eat whatever I want. Keep your body healthy. Sometimes, for control, I would imagine what the combination of my food looks like all mixed up in body with little flies around it. It's disgusting but it works!! Try it!

Try small and you’ll be able to handle the bigger stuff with time!

Love

xx

How writing can help you speak up

Hi everyone!

As you know I grew up quite shy and very behind the scenes. Even though that might still be the case today I think it’s a lot better than what it used to be. I can now communicate without being too anxious and I can also be funny and not as socially awkward.

It’s been a long journey but I can definitely say that having a blog has helped me speak up. I believe that even though shy people say that they have nothing to say, it’s not really true. They just have nothing to say out loud. And I’ve been there. So I had something to say but it just wouldn’t go past my lips.

Here’s why I think writing can help you speak up:

·         Have a writing platform. You don’t need a blog. You need pen and paper/laptop. The hardest part is to get the ball rolling. Write about something close to your heart.

·         Emotions. Writing can be quite emotional. Especially if you’re a person that bottles things up or absorbs a lot of emotions, this could give you the freedom to finally express yourself.

·         Release. I believe the biggest part about setting something free is for it to longer be in your heart. Before blogging, I had a diary and shortly before that I used to write letters on a blank page and after pouring everything into it, I’d burn it. It’s really therapeutic.

·         Another one. If you feel like writing that first letter didn’t aid you in any way, that’s okay. Write another one. This time directed to a person. We all have something to say to each other. Now, put it in a letter. Especially when you can’t say it to the person’s face.

·         Now Speak. Start with smaller groups. You’ll have to fabricate the confidence though. Speaking is easy when the conversation is about things that you are interested in. You have opinions and views because it’s something you think about all the time. Now let it be heard.

·         Engage. Being part of groups really helps but there comes a time when it’s your turn to make other shy people come out of their shell. Bring people together with similar interests to yours. You don’t even have to do it face to face. These days there’s twitter chats and Facebook groups and things like that that has made it real easy for people with similar interests to connect!

What are you waiting for?

Get started!!

10 tips to Enjoy the Spring Season!

Happy Spring!!

(image: google images)

Spring just gets me all excited! The promise of new things just like the flowers outside. When I woke up today I was just excited to get my day started (I think a good night’s rest also had something to do with it!)

So today I thought I’d share some ideas on how you can enjoy the first few days of spring!

1.       Get more flowers in your room/house!

Yes, I know how girly that sounds! I can’t afford to get fresh flowers so I always get beautiful fake flowers so that they’ll just make room look more decorated. Try it!

2.       Take out all the things you needed to survive winter

This includes extra blankets, heaters and even turtle necks! I mean you’re not going to use it! All these things are just blocking the sun from coming in! Put them in storage. If you don’t have storage, create it! Just get it away from your view!

3.       Where are all your dresses?

As soon as spring sets in, it’s basically legs season! Time to put away the jeans you used to tuck into your boots and the long-sleeve tops!! 

4.       Set up your wax appointments!

I mean HOW do you do spring without making sure everything is clean and smooth?! Lol, come on girls!!

5.       Less coffee, more citrus/water

To be clear, I’m not saying NO coffee!! I wouldn’t be able to survive without my daily stash of coffee sachets! But detox your body a bit! More water is always good for you. If you want a control for overeating, try having a full glass of water before you attack your plate. It has helped me so much.

6.       Finally put your gym subscription to good use.

Lol, we all remember those new year’s resolutions that we’ve been paying for? Now it’s time to actually use it!! Beach season is approaching, use the arrival of spring to jumpstart your return to the gym! Or start running! Good exercise will NEVER go to waste.

7.       Oh gurl your huurrrr!!

No, you can’t hide behind beanies anymore. The wind is blowing, you got your dresses out…you can’t let hair ruin such a beautiful mental picture! Refresh your hair/change up your hairstyle or colour!!

8.       Watch the paint dry

This option is optional (lol, did you see that?) I think there’s something about a fresh coat of nail polish! Doesn’t it make you smile? Even if you don’t like nail polish, I still think you should get your hands pampered and make it an all day event!

9.       What’s turning over a leaf without shoes?

(Also optional) During winter my mind was on one thing! Winter booties! And now that it’s gone it’s time for strappy shoes! There’s nothing sexier than a flowy dress paired with strappy heels! If someone wants to send some Steve Maddens my way, DM me so that I give you my address!!

10.   A brand new attitude!!

If there’s one thing I learnt from The Big Bang Theory it’s that exterior stuff won’t fix everything or make the change that you made sustainable! Penny said that when she’s depressed, she goes shopping. Then Sheldon said doesn’t she realize that afterwards she’s just the same depressed person in a cute skirt and a fancy top! So true right?

Enjoy Spring guys!!

Life is so beautiful! Shake off the old and smell the flowers!!

Till later!

How to Love your Body

Hey Everyone!!

For the longest time I’ve cared too much of what people think of me. Wayyy too much!! I can’t wear this here or I can’t say this amongst these people… And as of late I’ve just been like who gives two shits?

Don’t misunderstand me. I care about my image. I care that people not know me coke-addicted professional side chick only because those are the things I’m not. But things that I am? Those are the things I refuse to let someone make me feel inferior about. And we all have to protect that about ourselves.

Let’s start with my body image.

I don’t have the traditional ‘African’ booty. And for the longest time I was too scared to wear bodycon dresses or skirts because I scared that people would say that I’m part of the ‘iron board society’. Surprisingly that’s all I’ve been wearing for work because I haven’t found any ‘workpants’ that I’m in love with. And you know what came out of it? I discovered that I have amazing legs!!

I wear make-up now. And where I work the women are okay being ‘naturally beautiful’ – which I have no problem with but they’re constantly trying to make you feel bad about wearing make-up. So since then I’ve been wearing bolder colours!! Because I DO NOT care about how they feel. I’m there to do a job. In style. I’m not there for them. And this comes in small condescending remarks covered by a super thin veil. Ignore it. They’re just trying to plant their insecurities on you. Listening to them will be like watering it.

Apply the same if someone is trying to body shame you. There’s no point in trying to bring down other women and make them feel small/insignificant! We’re fine doing it on our own – and that’s something we’re working on every day. So if someone wants to add onto that (not in a positive way) then walk away from that person or protect yourself against them.

Next is your walk.

Two people significantly changed how I walk in my life. One was my mom because she always wanted me to be a beauty queen so my shoulders had to be super straight. And the other one was at uni. I was super depressed at times and this one girl was like: “you always walk like you’re tired, its 8 am!” At the time I wanted to set her on fire but she’ll never know how much that has changed my life. Now I’m always telling people to walk up straight or in a way that portrays more confidence.

The face.

People always tell me that I look ‘unapproachable’ and each time my jaw just drops because I always think that my face looks friendly. Then I realised that it’s probably because I’m listening to all the people in my head which could result in frowning or the ‘bitchface syndrome’. So now I smile more and greet people first because in that way they’re free to approach me. Ever since I started doing that people found it not so scary to talk to me anymore and I want to keep it that way!

Have you found some similarities in the things I just mentioned?

Share with me!

Confidence to start a Youtube Channel.

Hi everyone!

This topic was inspired by Stacey and Sophie!!

I have a beginner sort of youtube channel with no set schedules or any video that’s gone past 250 views or went viral. And that’s a good thing because it’s giving me time to ease into it until I’m set to deliver quality videos that have a lot of followers.

How to start saving

Hi everyone!!

I think that saving is such an important aspect of our lives as young adults. The road in front of us is just so open and we don’t know what will happen in five, ten or twenty years from now.

Job Security is such an important part of our lives too. It’s always about the economy. So many young and qualified people are unemployed and there’s nothing they can do. I’ve been there and it was such a nightmare. But once you start working there’s just so many things that you need and just can’t live without.

Girls, let’s be honest. We need everything. Those boots, that watch, that hair. And everything is sooo expensive. I’ve now entered into the life of quality buying. I still buy for quantity (there’s nothing that saddens me more than running out of clothes – what is that??) but now I buy for durability because I believe that I take good care of things I had to buy myself.

google images

Here is how you can still enjoy life and have savings:

As soon as you receive your cheque – take out the amount you want to save and put it in another account or investment plan that will earn you interest.

Make peace from the beginning that that money is untouchable. Otherwise you will rely on it and ruin your investment plan.

Give it a name. What is it for? If it’s money without a goal sometimes you see its usefulness. It will always be your reserve tank when you run into some issues. If it’s for something more tangible you’ll be more motivated to keep going.

Use a method that is beneficial to you. We all want to dig a hole and out money in there but there’s so many options now where you can get a bigger return. I’d suggest that proper research if you want to invest into more high risk investments but if you’ve never saved on your own before or with lower risk options, I’d suggest that you leave the high risk options for now.

Transfer control over that money to someone else. The bank/investment fund. Any money you have access to will always slip from your fingers. No matter how control freaky you are.

In order for these tips to work you must be determined to save. It is not easy so if you do it half-heartedly you’ll just never leave your point of departure.

Personal Side Story

My mom made a small decision after she just started working to have R100 taken from her account into some investment plan she participated in. Because the amount is so minimal she wasn’t really concerned with it. Then one day I think about 5 years ago she wanted to start her own life policy plan with Old Mutual and they found that investment plan had almost R40k in it! And she started it in her twenties! Because she didn’t know she had it, it’s as if overnight money fell into her lap and it just shows the type of mindset needed to pull off the savings game!

I hope this helps!!

Till next time!

How to shop debt free

Hi everyone!!

picture: Google Images

OMW guys!! This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life! I’m addicted to clothes. I’m sure most girls are like that and it’s really nice to be independent and working for my own money but one thing is painfully becoming clearer. I simply just can’t afford myself!

I grew up in a house where we had to wait for my mom to complete the ‘savings cycle’ before we could get anything we wanted, that she classified as a ‘luxury’. And it was really painful because by the time you had it, everyone else was already over it. And I now understand her crazy control over money.

So far I’ve managed to live debt free but everytime I set up my budget I quickly realize that I need additional money. One thing someone very wise taught me was – just because you can pay it back doesn’t mean you can afford it. Sit down and calculate the money you need to pay back, for something that you needed a bit more patience to save for. In South Africa retailers add up to an additional 20% on your account which is super ridiculous seeing that you’re paying it off over 3 to 4 months.

I also know about things that may derail your plans. Like sending money home (yes, people still do that) and paying off college debts, studying part time, having to buy necessary furniture and also having to squeeze in entertainment in there (let’s face it – a turn up is coming). This is really when you need to apply some of the stages of grief. If you stay in denial, you’ll definitely be screwed in the days leading to your next pay cheque (trust me – I’ve been there). Acceptance is the only thing that will get you through. Accept that you can’t buy those boots/watch/concealer. The sooner, the better because if you’re anything like me you’ll find yourself saying…I need it, I’ll deal with the consequences later. And the consequences are never friendly!

Here are some tips:

·         Set up a budget based on the things that you need. Start with the fixed costs. Like your accommodation, electricity bill, groceries (estimation), outstanding debts that need to be taken care of.

·         From the remaining balance, remove the money you want to save. Start small. We all have #savingsgoals but if you’re not realistic, will lose the courage to try again if things don’t according to plan.

·         Go window shopping 2 days before day of shopping to get an idea of the prices.

·         If you like to go for drinks on most weekends, classify that under ‘entertainment’. This is the money we all remember when the days are dark. Sit down with a person you always go out with so that you don’t make a low estimate. These days we have fun on a budget (lol).

·         After you’ve drawn up your budget and taken out your savings, make peace with the fact that the money remaining is your variable costs money for 30 days. And those days are LOOOONNNGG!!

·         To be a control freak on the next level, I’d suggest that you use the same no cost survival skills you used when there was no money (or less money) to survive when you have money. Like not going to the mall to do nothing, first thinking if something is a necessity or not, and making a lunch box to work rather than buying, go for 4 days or more without takeaways, etc.

·         Girl Tip – don’t buy things that you don’t use every day when your budget is tight. Rather than buying shoes fit for a wedding costing R600 or so rather buy 2 pairs of ‘work shoes’ and a few accessories for work. If you find nice things you can work them into a more formal outfit by adding on a blazer and a statement neckpiece.

·         Guy tip – Your clothes are so expensive. I’ve met guys who are such brand lovers. If you can’t afford it go ahead and get those jeans but buy cheaper shirts so that you can alternate at the top. It’s all about selection. And a basic tee always looks nice on a guy. No-one will know where it’s from but you because they all look the same. Living above your means is not worth it.

I hope these tips will be helpful! I think in the end living debt free is a mind thing. Change your attitude about the things you need and things you can’t live without.

Till next time!!

How to deal : If someone opens up an old wound

Hi everyone!!

A couple of years ago I started coming out of my shell more and I’d interact with a lot of people. Students of course. Took a lot of leadership roles to learn how to handle the pressure of having a lot of people depends on me. It was okay. I felt good to help people, to inspire and to motivate.

Now that I work, there’s just a different kind of interaction going on. And I’ve come to realize that people here don’t need to be friendly. And you also have no idea how they were raised so anything can happen any day.

I work in a place with a lot of levels so we all depend on each other. And sometimes this makes me wish that I could just work in isolation so that if someone is having a bad day then I don’t have to talk to them. As harsh as that sounds.

So recently I had an encounter that opened up such a hurtful part of my life. Worst part was – I thought I was over it until all the emotions that I thought I had put behind me came rushing back. It’s as if the blood was drained from face and the tears were all over my eyes like an unscheduled rain shower.

To make it worse, the person helping me doesn’t know about that time in my life so all these facts made him more sarcastic because he’s a bit more established/higher level than me and has successfully gone through this part that I struggled to climb over.

I think I just left.

Left the office to have some air in my eyes.

When I came back I built up enough courage to get the interaction over and done with. And was just so relieved.

So these are key things that I think helped me handle it:

-As soon as I got emotional I immediately thought of options to remain calm. For me that’s air, cool water and keeping busy with some other task or leaving the environment. It’s important not to make a scene. Because then you’d have to explain the whole story or it will make the office hostile/tense.

-Remember why it’s in the past. What helped here is that I dealt with this matter thoroughly and it helped control the tears because I’ve cried about it endlessly before. If it gets out of control rather take an early lunch or rest of the day off. Or bottle it and take care of it at night by talking to someone about it.

- Do not hold a grudge. This person wasn’t in my life at the time so he’s not aware of the level of sensitivity that this particular issue comes with. So don’t keep them in your mind/heart. There’s just no time.

- Pull yourself together. Don’t waste the whole day! Work on something else or from somewhere else where you can continue being productive/ remain positive. Be strong!

Can you guys relate to this topic? I think writing it in the heat of the moment just helped me now to overcome it! You can also try to do just that!

Xx

Love

How to Disconnect

Hi everyone!

Last year was a pretty awful year and so many things just went wrong. I was exhausted - mentally, physically and just so emotionally drained. If you really want to be happy be sure that you know what you want to become before you run off to college because it’s really in those last moments when you’ll have to decide if something is really worth it. Learnt that the hard way.

So I’m going to take you through the journey I went through when my world came crashing down. To be clear - this ended up being the best thing that has happened to me. When you’re a level 2 control freak like me, your world no longer makes sense when you’re not in control.
So this is what I went through to completely let go:

Go home.

Delete your Facebook account. Don’t just avoid it. Delete it and never go back till you’re ready. All you’re missing is just people having a good time and that will make you feel worse about what you’re going through.

Log out of Twitter. If you want to follow recent fashion trends or follow people who do positive things like pastors and motivational speakers – then open up another twitter account and only follow them. When you’re better you can always delete it and go back to the one you had.

Delete Whatsapp. If you have caring friends then they’ll obviously worry about you. You know you’re not okay so imagine them asking you if you’re okay everyday? It will drive you insane!! Cut off all communication.

Tell your friends in advance. If you’re going on a journey of total isolation, it
doesn’t mean that people will stop looking for you. So tell your friends that you need some time. It’s important to assure them that you will let them know when you’re available again. I took 3 months for me to be alone and having friends who understood that made it a do-able journey.

Tell your family to leave you alone. If you have a mom like mine, something like that is not easy and was an ongoing struggle for me. She just didn’t understand what I was going through. She wanted me to have ‘a plan’ and for the first time I wanted to let go of all my plans and she wouldn’t let me. It will always end up in an argument, then I’ll cry and she’ll let me have a day or 2 and then start pecking at me again. Up until one day my cousins spoke to her and she gave me some breathing room. If your family doesn’t listen to you get someone who they will listen to, to speak to them.

Make a decision about atleast one thing. When at cross roads you definitely know that one of those roads are definitely not worth travelling. You’re not sure about it but you definitely know it won’t bring you happiness. Sometimes your family will force you to go on it because they think it’s what is best for you and because the one you want has no promises. It is here where you need to take a stand a make a decision that you know will benefit you in the long run.
Prayer. Obviously we are all different. But through my journey all I could do was pray. Pray that I didn’t make the wrong decision and also that something will happen that will show me where to go. Since then I’ve been so blessed and showered with favour. And that’s another thing about things just happening…it’s hard. It comes with other factors that will test how much you want this new thing that’s just been handed to you. Perseverance is key.
I feel like I can talk all day about this topic because it has really shaped my life to where it is now. I feel different and I can say that I’m happy about letting go. It’s truly liberating!
Talk soon
Jabi

How to BUILD Confidence from the ground up!

Hi everyone!!

When I look up the word confidence I just found long sentences trying to explain it but loved what was said about ‘self-confidence’ just a bit more.

“when one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’ because one is worrying far less about failure/disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that the enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable.”

I mean... doesn’t that just speak to you? Confidence is really something you build inside. Later on people will be able to see it on the outside. And it does not happen overnight – practice makes perfect!!

So throughout my life I was known as that critically shy girl. It was just written all over me. You could see it in the way I walk, talk, dress and I guess in the way I carried myself.

Until I got to university and developed a love for fashion and all things pretty. And part of the reason was probably because I could now buy it myself. Before, my mother tried to make me a tomboy and she bought my clothes that made me feel so ugly and buried.

Getting new clothes also meant looking more confident because I can’t have hunched shoulders in a beautiful bodycon dress. Unless you really want to destroy it. Had to walk up straight and pretend to be a pro in heels (not pretending meant letting everyone see that you do the funky chicken).

So here are some quick tips to help you look confident:

STAND UP STRAIGHT! Obviously this is like step one of life. People just respond better to what you say if you look like you care about yourself and you know what you’re talking about.
KNOW YOUR BODY! Don’t wear things that don’t fit you. People judge you based on that sometimes even if they don’t say it. Their minds make that decision for them.

BE APPROACHABLE. This is still an ongoing struggle for me. Doesn’t matter how friendly I try to be, people still feel afraid to get to know me. But once they do, they don’t understand where I’ve been all their lives!!(lol)

IT’S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT. You don’t have to like stuff that other people like. Part of being confident (like above) is to enjoy what you like. Be who you like to be and not what a box that people might place you in.

DON’T CARE about things that don’t add value to your life. This took me a long, long time to master. I used to lie awake at night thinking about something someone said and 3 days later it would still bother me while that person lives on. That is precious time that I will never get back.

MAKE-UP! It is such an effective tool in trying to look strong, confident and sane. One day I was probably having the worst day and a friend of mine was like ‘Wow, you sure look good for someone who’s going through something like that’ and I was like YAASSSSS!

A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! It’s so infectious. And a powerful tool of not accepting defeat.

DO YOU FEEL HALFWAY THERE ALREADY?

Obviously you don't have to do all these things at once! Take it one day at a time! Sooner or later people will start to notice it!

Lots of Love

Jbi!

How to end a BAD friendship

Hi everyone!!

From the title I guess it sounds pretty harsh right?

It’s actually more real than anything else. I recently read an article in Seventeen Magazine about a girl who was raped by her boyfriend. If that wasn’t enough to creep me out I just can’t forget her saying that when she brought up it up with her friends they just didn’t LISTEN to her. This obviously worst case of bad friends so I’m just blessed I guess – to have all my friends in my life who would have really listened to me.

So today’s kind of bad friend is really someone who you really burdens you.

These things have happened/ currently happening:

·        You show up for their accomplishments and they never celebrate yours with you.

·         You are always calling them and they don’t bother to check in with you with any of the IM platforms   available

·        You always ask about things happening in their life and they never go..’and you?’

·        When they need alone time they don’t notify you and then blame you for not checking on them

·         They always judge/criticize you when all you really needed was someone to talk to

·         They make you feel negative about life whether it’s them always complaining about life/you feeling depressed

These are basically all the things that indicate ‘bad friend’ to me. I know that some people have it worse but maybe it’s because I don’t have time to invest quality time into a friendship that won’t have a positive influence on me. I always strive to be the best friend that I can be so in return all I basically need is for someone to do that for me.

If you have a bad friend like that sooner or later they won’t show up to something that is at the top of your list of important things that you would have sacrificed your own personal plans to be there for them.

It’s really the little things for me that speaks volumes.

Obviously we can’t be where we want be at the same time but a friend always knows how to celebrate you from miles away and how you feel about certain things and what it means for your friendship to spend quality time together.

Friendships that are a burden for you will poison you whether it’s happening now or not. You can have a million facebook friends but at the end of the day only your best friends will worry about you/check up on you and call you on your birthday. Those are the ones worth keeping. And those are the friends we all appreciate.

Have you ever walked away from a friend? What was your dealbreaker?

With love

Jabi