Why 2019 needs to be different

Hi Everyone!

I hope everyone is doing well. It has taken so much courage to write this post today. I had reserved all of December 2018 for blogging and videos and ended up doing neither. I did, however, film and upload some vlogmas content but it’s so far the least watched videos on my channel, so that was a bust. So thinking of blogging again became a distant memory and I just carried on lazying around the house until work started in 2019.

In a way, I’m disappointed in myself for ‘wasting’ all that time but on the other hand, I got to spend some real quality time with my family and nothing is better than that. Since 2019 started I’ve been seeing a lot of people really seeing value in themselves and hustling more than ever. I think 2018’s anxiety & depression scare really made people wake up and realise that they’ve only got one life and they need to make the best of it.

Personally, I’ve had my own ‘wake up’ as well. Last year, I was riddled with guilt for turning back on a career that I’ve spent 8 years of my life on. I was mad at myself that I didn’t value myself enough while I was there which resulted in my assessments not being dealt with accordingly and I also blamed myself and regretted that I didn’t get out sooner. These days all I do is forgive myself for this daily.

I completely let go of my physical value last year. I was eating A LOT of friend chicken, lots of soda, lots of wine which ended up being lots of cocktails. I never exercised. Then a time came where I just threw clothes on, not a care in the world on what I looked like or how I was being perceived. I now have a lot of cellulite on my thighs and I can’t get away with wearing short dresses (for now). Even though I haven’t made plans yet, I feel like my mind has now come around to accepting that I can do exercises at home.

Work is better this year because half my workload was given to someone else. This now gives me more time to be present. Last year, I had to run to each and every class and I was only half prepared for each of them. I intend to use my new free space to be the most prepared teacher to my students because I want them to learn as much as possible and to have good, prepared fun! LOL!

I think 2019 has to be different for a lot of us because we’ve tried a whole bunch of things that completely failed. Whether it’s a youtube channel, a blog, an Instagram page, an online business, a podcast, a brand deal or a collaboration. But, we keep going because time waits for no man. And we can’t all be successful in everything we do. Even people we look up to know had a lot of failed ventures before becoming what they are. Sometimes it takes expanding, demolishing, rebranding or other techniques for an idea to work and become a business.

What I’ve seen is that people are tired of letting one failure define them.

Be that person. Try again.

Start writing again, filming again, making those phone calls again, recruiting again or come up with a new idea! Either way, let’s get up and go!

With love,

Am I the problem?

Hi everyone!

I’ve never really been optimistic. As matter of fact, I always want to die when I talk to someone about an actual problem (already negative and most of the time colossal) and they spin me with the ‘it’s going to be alright’ sticker on my forehead. That tells me that they really want me to throw them in the fountain and walk away.

I know it sounds contradictory to most of my posts because I spend half of them telling you (and me) that everything happens for a reason and how to fix your current situation that I know too well. Today, after a failed conversation with my mom, I started writing this post mainly to identify a problem, rather than to fix it.

I had difficulty sleeping last night and I had those life questions scary nights. Where do I see myself in a year? Do I really want to get married? Am I built for relationships? Can I really raise 6 kids? Why am I not a millionaire? Am I still afraid of driving? Am I overloaded with other people’s problems? Why does my blog/channel not do that well? Why don’t I like to teach myself how to make myself pretty? Why don’t I like gyms? Why does my body hurt so much? When am I going to die? Will my kids do what I tell them? Do I want to raise them as a single mom? When am I getting a dog/cat? When am I renewing my license? Who takes care of me when I run out of fuel from taking care of others? When will I be truly happy? How will I know if I’m truly happy?

Drama right? I have these questions swirling in my mind, giving me heartburn! It’s not like I have all the answers but I truly feel so drained and absolutely exhausted! I think my brain has had the biggest crisis for the longest time. The moment I unplug for 4 days my mind literally lost it.

In a way I’m thankful this is happening because like I mentioned in my previous post, this is major decisions year and it was naïve of me to think that I will make one major decision and expect everything to fall into place. There are so many frustrating things. I think sometimes you can get lost in all that is happening around you and that causes RIDICULOUS PRESSURE. It’s so crucial in this time to know exactly who you are and what exactly makes you happy. You have to learn to switch off your mind to things you can’t change. And always speak (repetitively) good things into your life that will help you through those stubborn wrinkles that life gives you.

You can get so distracted by what other people are doing and certain choices they make. You can get so consumed with comparison. You can even spend nights awake thinking that you are just made ‘wrong’ and that you are the only person of your kind left on earth. You can even feel so misunderstood. By others and by yourself. However, always do something that you are conscious of. Always own your space. At the end of the day, only you can explain yourself to YOU.

Don’t let the river carry your body downstream.

Be present.

God KNOWS.

Making critical decisions

Hi Everyone!

It’s been exactly 3 months since my last post and almost 3 years since I felt really excited about my life and what’s to come. Today I think I feel more than ready to get back into blogging and the rest of my online life. So many things have changed! People have left and there are new people. Most of the women I follow are now moms and I would say some have had some procedures done – from boob jobs to fixing their teeth! What a time to be alive!

Recently I realized that I’ve creatively starved myself for so long and it’s so hard to get back into the groove. I think I’ve had tunnel vision for the longest time so it’s so hard to figure out where to start. I’m going to let you guys in on some changes. I’ve moved back home and got a new job. I’ve also sold my car (It’s been a year now) which still makes me an amateur driver and my mom won’t let me drive her car. My brother also moved back home which is driving me insane because we can only get along properly long distance. And my adopted sister is still in school which means that I share my room with her which is unacceptable at my age because I’m really missing out on night shift calls! LOL!

So how did we get here? All I can say is that we’ve had to make some critical choices and that’s what the rest of my life is going to be about. That is being deliberate. I’ve spent way too much time letting the river drag my corpse down to an unknown place. I want to be deliberate and even more specific about why I’m here. I’ve always wanted to travel but it always ended up no further than my wishlist and I’ve always wanted to be socially involved and I guess I get to do that with what I do know. I’ve also always wanted to be financially independent and I’ve made some hard choices that will hopefully help me get there.

Here’s the thing about critical decisions – they are never easy. Especially if you are a low risk person like me. You always want to make the right choice and never want it to have any consequences. I think this time around I really believe that ‘you do your best and God does the rest’ because of the way certain things happened - it just can’t be a coincidence! It’s all about that ‘off a cliff’ moment, when you know that God will catch you. You also have to allow change into your life. It might not be upward(or what others would consider upward); it could be a curve or a turn to the left that will eventually go up.

I’ve always considered the 20’s to be learning years. It can be intimidating when your peers or friends already know what they want but I really believe in that small voice. You always heard it when you chose the ‘wrong’ thing, it will eventually steer you toward the right thing because it has that peace factor that you can’t replace or find anywhere else no matter how far you look.

Life is a precious gift. This has been said a thousand times!

This time, treat it like one.

Evolving my Blog

Hi everyone!

I hope everyone is well! These days I’ve been thinking about starting a new blogging schedule because I’ve just posted when I had time or needed to let it out (y’all know the ones) and I recently got some extra time in my daily routine and suddenly I am having the worst writer’s block!!

But I did give me time to check in with other people’s blogs and videos and also gave me time to think about where I want to take this blog. I generally love fashion posts because those are my favourites to look/watch but unfortunately the do the worst in terms of views and buzz and that really breaks my heart. So if I could rate myself I would definitely say that I probably lack great photography skills and the right editing softwares (whichI am working on).

So when life got rough I usually felt comfortable settling into lifestyle blogging which made me really insecure because it really reveals my insecurities and I want people to feel inspired, renewed and motivated when they come to my blog. It did, however, help me grow as a person, as a girl and as an adulting woman. It definitely helped my blog grow too because people had a really good reaction to them and making people feel better about their situations is a legit real passion that I hope to turn into a career one day.

Then this year I got into beauty blogging and to be honest I really hope I doesn’t become a major part of my blog because I don’t have a real talent for it (same with DIYs) but people do amazing things with make-up and I just would not know where to start. In building a brand you have to look put together and seeing that I don’t have people who can do it for me I have to learn to do it by myself and that has also contributed to my growth as a blogger and a woman.

Overall I think that going forward you’ll be seeing a lot of evolving on my blog as I discover what I can do and what I like doing. The goal this year is definitely to grow my blog without any pressure or comparisons. The blogging world has grown so much and having a full time job plus overtime and studying part-time makes it so much harder to remain consistent and up to date with everything.

Another one of my goals is to grow my Youtube channel as me. The real me. When I watch my old videos I have this stay professional tone and that’s not me. I think that filming about things that are more me will help me stay authentic and therefore make me stay consistent because I’ll be seeing more of my personality. If you’re wondering why that hasn’t happened, I really have no answer to it. Maybe I’m a really good actress/perfectionist! But I will adjust that soon.

Another thing that makes blogging hard is how expensive it really is. The data and the softwares and all the new apps coming out makes it a bit hard. My job is basically like interning so you can imagine how much I earn and then there’s also adulting expenses that are affected by inflation and politics everyday. So it makes you get left behind in terms of getting professional help in terms of photography, editing and collaborations. For example – at this point I can not afford to use Final Cut Pro to edit because I’ll first need to get a Macbook. How much is a Macbook? Now turn that to Rand. Or using an Iphone to get the best photos in order to have the best Instagram feed. I don’t even check the prices for that!

Point is, right now blogging needs to stay just an outlet for me. Because there’s really a lot of pressure that we put on ourselves so the pressure from others is really not helping. So if you feel like you’re running out of breath and you’re spending so much on your blog without yielding the benefits – you’re not the only one. 

Take a deep breath and work a bit on your content while you live your life day by day. Remember to take breaks from social media and all the online trolls and get YOU back.

Be kind to yourself!

2016 Blog Goals

Hi everyone!

I hope everyone’s been having a good January. I think despite having a rough start entering into 2016 I can say that things are looking up. And not things around me though. Work is more stressful and I’m still struggling to get my study things ready and this post has helped but now that I’m starting to reach the end of my resources but I finally feel ready to start the year.

It’s so odd. A couple of weeks ago I was just so worried about unknown events and also afraid to regret decisions I haven’t even made. Talking to someone really helped. I also think that sometimes we just have to realize that we are where we need to be.

So 2016 goals are very important because this year I seriously want to turn over a new leaf rather than find a piece of white space on a page that’s been scribbled on to death. So today I’ll be sharing my goals with you.

1.        Youtube.  My channel is my top priority this year. I enjoy talking. Writing helps me when I’m sad or in need of a ‘way out’ when I feel stuck or when I need to recharge. But talking is my thang! Hopefully in addition to this I’ll be able to talk to more people too. Being shy is such a b-word.

2.       Photography. Trust me I take no pride in publishing not-so-amazing photos on my blog but I promised myself that I would do what I can until I find another plan. And it hasn’t been easy. My town is small and everyone basically keeps to themselves so it’s very hard to find creative people. Trust me – there is nothing worse than that for a person like me.

3.       Collaborations. I need to definitely give this a try. I love learning from people and bloggers are my favourite kinds of people so I would love to just interact more, share ideas and get more involved with other parts of the world.

4.       Twitter chats. I think people think I don’t want to participate but I literally have no time in the middle of the week especially on Wednesdays and Thursdays which is when the bulk of them take place. I hope this year I find some sort of balance and make new friends!

5.       Self. Blogging for me was all about fashion. I also enjoyed venturing into lifestyle but I fear the bigger it gets the less of myself I’m likely to share. I want us all to learn from each other’s life experiences. My lifestyle posts are so therapeutic for me and I found that after I share something or set it free I feel a huge burden lifted. I hope that I will do more this year with new challenges that might be in store for me. I have accepted a long time ago that life isn't smooth but it is blessed and without challenges there's no advancement and I'm looking forward to that advancement!

Thank you reading! Thank you for all your support!

Let's make history this year! 

Love,

Confidence to start a Youtube Channel.

Hi everyone!

This topic was inspired by Stacey and Sophie!!

I have a beginner sort of youtube channel with no set schedules or any video that’s gone past 250 views or went viral. And that’s a good thing because it’s giving me time to ease into it until I’m set to deliver quality videos that have a lot of followers.

How to End the year like a LEGEND!

Hi Everyone!!

At this point in the year we’re all getting exhausted. We just can’t wait for the summer time even though we’ve only gone through winter for a short time. Everyone is letting go of all the essentials: the hair (solution: winter hats and beanies), the waxing (seriously? You’re in stockings all day and leg warmers at night and long sleeve tops), the exercising (it’s too cold and you’d rather remain in bed) and the New Year’s Resolutions (gurl, that was 6 months ago okaaaaaaaay??)

So a couple of thoughts come up.

1.       How will you spend the rest of the year?

2.       Re-evaluate your goals/adjust /create new ones?

3.       Make life altering changes?

If you’ve gotten comfy with your surroundings and you haven’t done something exciting all year you obviously need to shake things up. It must be awful to drag yourself all year. You have no memories of anything and you can’t remember when you did what because you’re passing through your own life!

-Make a list of things you want to do! Things you like but haven’t done and atleast attempt to do one thing!

-Surround yourself with people with similar interests. Challenge each other in becoming better version of yourselves. Don’t compete. There’s nothing that tears girls apart faster than that (except boys, LOL)

-If the goals you made at the beginning of the year are unrealistic, don’t scrap them – just re-adjust. Make them more flexible and make them work for you. There’s nothing worse than being strangled by a schedule that you created.

-My life altering change would be to change careers but I’m not financially ready for it. Even taking a leap needs planning. You don’t want to hate yourself for pursuing a dream. Your dream will die and then you won’t have anything to live for and that is worse than a tragedy.

-Be ready for anything. Never limit yourself in a little box. I did that for years and finally when I realized how round the earth was, I started opening myself up to new possibilities. In order to go to New York I had to go through a panel interview. Guys, a one on one interview used to render me mute!  And then I had to go through five accomplished adults. One man came out of the interview and told the next candidate what an amazing young woman I was and if you ask me today what the questions were – I wouldn’t even be able to tell you because I was so scared. And then a couple of months later I took my first flight to the Big Apple. Risks=Rewards.

-Shy doesn’t mean unable. When I was younger I used to think that no-one wants to hear me speak. I think I didn’t want to hear myself speak. I just thought that seeing that I wasn’t outspoken, my opinion didn’t matter. And that’s how most things passed me by. Looking back, that’s the worst thing that I had to go through in highschool but finding myself step by step was also good for me!

All the above mentioned options are all open and are without restriction. Shake off the last 6 months and look forward to shaking things up in the second part of the year!

Live loud. And Live Free!

Till next time!!

xx

the floral way

Hi everyone!!

I hope you all had an amazing weekend! Mine was packed with my awesome family, love and sharing memories and future plans!! To be quite honest - it was exactly what I needed! So on Saturday it was quite humid so I opted for this amazingly comfy babydoll dress from MrPrice!

What do you guys think?

All items worn are from MRP

xx

Sometimes it's just nice to spend time with people you love especially when it seems like the world is about to swallow you up. After all that lovin, I think you just realize that even though it's tough, you've got the best cheerleaders in your corner. And that's my family. That's love.

Date Night #2 || Olive

Hi everyone!!

I think that this week my mind has been in a 'what if' mode. Naturally, I hate feeling this way because it's like a master class of worrying and I'm the only one in attendance. So I thought I'd blog more and make more videos. Then I realized that I have like zero clothes or I'm sick of my current clothes! So this weekend I've scheduled a much needed total world class shopping experience!!!

I'm currently in the middle of a lookbook on my channel and I've done a flirty and classy look so I was looking for a more boyfriend x fancy combo so this is what I came up with!!

Lemme know what you think!

You can also try it with beige/leopard print flats!

All items are from MrPrice

Flats are from Ackermans

xx

Reach me --->>@closetfreedom

Be on the look out for my new datenight lookbook coming soon

My Channel

Date night || Flirty circle skirt

Hi everyone!!

So ..today I had a good day! My friend is getting married in 2 months so I went with her all over town to find some bridesmaid dresses. It's such an amazing experience and later on a knot started forming in her stomach when she suddenly realized how 'real' all of it was. To be honest I'd be freaking out sooo soo much if I was in her shoes! 

This knot also forms within me whenever I'm in skirts. This one I bought with my eyes closed because I didn't want to change my mind once I had it. And the one time I wore it, I felt really uneasy.

I have a leg showing shyness(if that's an illness?) so I assume background wherever I

am, but this one is a real headturner! So if you want to accomplish that, get one of these for the summer real soon!!

All items worn are from MrPrice

xx

Reach me here -->>@closetfreedom

New haul coming up on my channel soon

Watch it here

On the Loose

Hi everyone!!

So, I completed the year's tests and I am finally free!! I still have exams though but for the first few hours just after the last test, it really felt unreal. So I've just been trying to not let it all overwhelm me so that means being is lazy as I possibly could as this opportunity rarely comes by in my life!!

So, I didn't comb my hair and I didn't bother wearing make-up!

xxxx

Happy Sunday!!

Casual Weekend Lookbook

August Favourites

Hi guys!!

I hope you are all well!! I know it's like the middle of September but I've dying to do my August faves!! I didn't get time to film so I thought I'd share half my stash!!

item 1. My new make-up brushes!!
I don't know which brand this is anymore but when I saw it I had to buy it! Done applying my make-up manually, haha, and I got this at Clicks!

item 2. My black eye shadow
This is from Avroy Shlain Cosmetics. I use it now to fill in my eyebrows! It's a bit too dark so I'll be switching to M.A.C Expresso soon

item 3. The Maybelline Baby Lips
I love the scent and the moisture but its not as long lasting as I thought it would be! But I'd still recommend it if you want to try it!! I think there's several other options in this range!! You can also find it at Foshini. I bought mine at Clicks for about R25

item 4. The book
You guys know, if you've watching my videos that I love John Grisham and James Patterson so I'm reading this one for September! I already took back my August book! It was called Just take my Heart by Mary Higgins Clark! Also a fave author.

item 5. The sun shield
My sunnies are from Cotton On when they had a 2 for R180 sale!! Totally high fash looking!

item 6. My M.A.C beauty
Guys I can't tell you how in love I am with my lipstick!! The moisture is unparalleled! I love the shade as well! I totally owe you guys a picture! I'll load it up as soon as possible!! This was R195 as indicated in my last post!! 

Easy On

Helooo;)!

As winter is slowly going way it's been really great to just be in slouchy cardigans and really easy-to-wear leggings.  My cardigan is such a blessing because I can just wear it with anything basically. This week I'm writing another set of tests and I'm just hoping that I won't look like the haunted house at the end of next week!!

Be blessed!!

Top - Cardigan ~ FashionWorld + grey top ~ thrifted

Leggings ~ MrPrice

Booties ~ MrPrice

Reach me --->>@closetfreedom

Pop of Gold

Hi everyone!!

Picked up 2 pairs of jeans at Edgars recently and this layered necklace piece at Clicks!! The fit is amazing and I've literally been wearing it non-stop! I'm wondering what it will look like after washing it but I really hope it retains its amazingness!! I NEVER buy neck pieces and I've also worn this one to death since purchase! All of a sudden, it just goes with everything!! Help me world!! lol;)!

Tell me what you think?

They had a 2 for R150 each sale!! Normal price is R199 each!

Bottoms ~ Edgars

Booties ~ MrPrice

Blazer ~ MrPrice

Necklace ~ Clicks

xx

Reach  me-->>@closetfreedom

Watch me --->>>my channel

Be happy!

M.A.C step One

Heloooo;)!

I hope you are all good!! Yesterday I did 2 things I never do..Buy quality jeans and buy expensive make-up!! But I'm super happy with my purchases and even more excited to share my first ever M.A.C lipstick. I knew I wanted a neutral colour to start off with so that I could wear it most days and to see if it works for me. And it absolutely does! I love the colour, the moisture, the slight shimmer and the amazing scent!! It was R195 which is ridiculous for my budget but I just told myself that it I'll probably get used to it once I have a magical salary!!lol!