How to process your regrets and start over

Hi everyone!

Remaining too long with regret/being burdened by failure is like being Buridan’s ass which implies a paradox that a hungry donkey standing equidistant between two bales of hay will starve to death, paralyzed by the indecision about which nosh to choose.

Being frozen in place or feeling stuck in life is the worst thing for an intelligent and smart individual and it can either force a person to act immediately and jump into a new venture, which may work out great for them, if not, they would just move on to the next venture – it is crucial for these individuals to keep going. But then you get the ones who completely fall apart and based on the number of times it has happened to me, those kinds of people are my people.

Initially I would talk to my loved ones about it but they were both bad listeners and did not solve my problems so I needed a professional.  That was a very slow work in progress but after a few sessions I realised that we are webbed in such a complicated way from childhood and in order to understand how everything connects, one needs to unravel a lot of things that one thought were part of what one once deemed to be the permanent structure, but it was just something placed there temporarily that can no longer hold you.

So how do we start over:

1. Accept

Accept that you might have made a bad decision. Call it what it is – a stupid decision. Shame/Regret grows in secret. It becomes way bigger than what it is. It can grow to become a full blown irrational fear. That can grow to cause panic attacks and render you paralysed. So take it, look it, talk to it, accept that it happened, thank it for being part of your story (if more traumatic – turn the tragedy into a testimony or use it to serve others that are more traumatized by it), and then release the grip it has over you by setting it free or carrying along but this time, you are making it your strength.

2. Reject

In order to be what you aspire to be, you have to ‘kill’ who you are now. For example –if you want to be a business woman, you need to look into ways to become healthier, more organised and more resourceful. If you were a procrastinator before now you need to be persistent, ambitious and again – more organised. So you need to rejects parts of you that have even become habits in order to become a version of what you aspire to be. You need to decide to stop doing certain things. It will be hard sometimes but that is where you refer back to deciding what you need to become.

3. Action

This part is crucial. You will NOT see any changes without this last step. Once you have worked on the inside, it is time to take action on the outside. You can start by having an online planner or a diary/journal. You can set up meetings with potential clients. You prepare both positive and negative responses. You can also sign up for that those skills you wanted to obtain or experience you wanted to gain by doing a certain job. Action can also take place internally like building better boundaries, choosing who your close friends are or teaching yourself how to speak in front of a crowd.

It is not easy to start fresh but each day really does provide the opportunity to do so. I also think that living to meet the expectations of peers/family is irrational just like the fear one feels during a panic attack. Starting over might hurt if it makes your life uncomfortable for a few months/years but it is way better than foreseeing a whole 40-50 years of predictable unhappiness or not living the life you want because of people/reasons that are only applicable now.

This process can me emotional so I would recommend uninterrupted alone time in order to focus on it and really dig into why you are where you are mentally.

All the best!

Love,

Why 2019 needs to be different

Hi Everyone!

I hope everyone is doing well. It has taken so much courage to write this post today. I had reserved all of December 2018 for blogging and videos and ended up doing neither. I did, however, film and upload some vlogmas content but it’s so far the least watched videos on my channel, so that was a bust. So thinking of blogging again became a distant memory and I just carried on lazying around the house until work started in 2019.

In a way, I’m disappointed in myself for ‘wasting’ all that time but on the other hand, I got to spend some real quality time with my family and nothing is better than that. Since 2019 started I’ve been seeing a lot of people really seeing value in themselves and hustling more than ever. I think 2018’s anxiety & depression scare really made people wake up and realise that they’ve only got one life and they need to make the best of it.

Personally, I’ve had my own ‘wake up’ as well. Last year, I was riddled with guilt for turning back on a career that I’ve spent 8 years of my life on. I was mad at myself that I didn’t value myself enough while I was there which resulted in my assessments not being dealt with accordingly and I also blamed myself and regretted that I didn’t get out sooner. These days all I do is forgive myself for this daily.

I completely let go of my physical value last year. I was eating A LOT of friend chicken, lots of soda, lots of wine which ended up being lots of cocktails. I never exercised. Then a time came where I just threw clothes on, not a care in the world on what I looked like or how I was being perceived. I now have a lot of cellulite on my thighs and I can’t get away with wearing short dresses (for now). Even though I haven’t made plans yet, I feel like my mind has now come around to accepting that I can do exercises at home.

Work is better this year because half my workload was given to someone else. This now gives me more time to be present. Last year, I had to run to each and every class and I was only half prepared for each of them. I intend to use my new free space to be the most prepared teacher to my students because I want them to learn as much as possible and to have good, prepared fun! LOL!

I think 2019 has to be different for a lot of us because we’ve tried a whole bunch of things that completely failed. Whether it’s a youtube channel, a blog, an Instagram page, an online business, a podcast, a brand deal or a collaboration. But, we keep going because time waits for no man. And we can’t all be successful in everything we do. Even people we look up to know had a lot of failed ventures before becoming what they are. Sometimes it takes expanding, demolishing, rebranding or other techniques for an idea to work and become a business.

What I’ve seen is that people are tired of letting one failure define them.

Be that person. Try again.

Start writing again, filming again, making those phone calls again, recruiting again or come up with a new idea! Either way, let’s get up and go!

With love,