Friday, 20 January 2017

The (T)EA in TALK #1: Attachment Fears

Hi everyone!

It is finally time to launch my new segment! The title is not rolling off my tongue yet but I know it will stick! LOL! I think that this will be a good psychological outlet for me. I feel like I’ve always been the rock my friends and family could rely on but since last year I’ve felt so alone and vulnerable and I absolutely HATE IT. Sometimes I think that I’ve always been like this but now it’s rearing its ugly head more and more.

As you can tell from the title, today I’m addressing one of my biggest fears. My commitment phobia. I’ve always been there – I always choose to jump before I’m pushed out. As I’ve previously mentioned in my alonetime these days I always read some interesting articles and I want to feature them in these segments. I follow Marie Claire on twitter and I really feel like such num num for not being on their subscription because they have some awesome articles for women.

The one I came across, that I’ve shared multiple times already, is the article about a woman that has the exact same fears as me – only she’s already married. I feel like I’ve read it over and over. And if someone wants to have an argument with me about when my commitment phobia will end, I remain mute and send them an e-mail with the link. I feel like there’s no-one who explains it better.

I don’t think that my parents’ divorce bother me. I’ve always thought that they were a mismatch. My mom receives love in affirmation (words of love) and gifts (small) and she always needs to be encouraged. She’s also very specific in what she wants. She can be very pushy and stubborn but mostly loving and evolving. My father on the other hand is very straight to the point. His point. Extremely inconsiderate, secretive and has elements of a realist. Also very quiet and ‘in his own world’ so to speak. So in other words – even though she was married, she was always feeling lonely.

And that is the reason why I’m hesitant to let anyone close. I’m yet to come across someone who is so caring that it is irritating. And I have a severe need for security but at the same time – independence. I also feel like most guys around their 30s (or born in the 80s) are extremely traditional. Which I mostly link with how extremely pro man they are and they have all these misconceptions about how women should act and what they should do.

I want to be looked at as an individual first. I want to have a sense of freedom but also feel secure & safe. I want a listener and a person who will make an awesome and present dad. A person who evolves and always wants to be better themselves. A humble & generous soul who has great social skills.

If you stand back and look at this – it screams one thing. I want the OPPOSITE OF MY FATHER. Does that mean I have Daddy Issues? I don’t think so. Ever since I accepted that my father can’t be the Dad I’ve always wanted – we’ve been getting along like a house on fire! The only consequence of our relationship is the fact that I use him as a benchmark when looking for a suitable partner because I want no trace of him in my next chapter.

Thought you had issues..


How is your relationship with your dad? Does it affect how you look at your partner? Can you relate to the article like me?

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