How to find the source of anger/sadness

Hi everyone!

A bit to the off the cliff side today and it always helps to just talk it out sometimes. As addressed previously I have a sort of strained relationship with my brother. We have to have been adopted because I just don’t see how our genes came together because there’s just always friction between us. So along with a crapload of changes that I’ve just gone through (will tell you guys about that shortly), I’ve also decided to move in with my brother and sister.

If you know us and our history you’ll also know that this is probably the worst idea in the world but we can’t go on like this forever. So when my mom called earlier she said that if living together causes any of you distress then we should just call it a day and scatter again instead of killing each other. So in this process I have to ‘let go’ of a few things in order for this to work which is also the trigger of all my anger/frustrations.

So to rehabilitate this I’ve decided to find the sore spots and build a wall around them. You can also do this with partners when you move in together. The point of the exercise is so that you’re able to deal with things you can’t change because chances are this will always happen or will improve only around the fifth time you bring it up.

1.       Alcohol and other drugs.

In my opinion, there is literally nothing on this earth that I find as pointless as being a regular drunk. Nothing. It absolutely has no point and it’s even worse when you have no vision and you work for a monthly salary in a position that has no prospects. That job can be taken away from you at any time through retrenchments or any criminal charges (like DUIs or public intoxication). So if you work to drink then what's the point of life? There's no next level and I feel like you're just waiting around for something to happen to you. So seeing that I'm a planner and goal setter I find it next level frustrating to deal with a person who is drunk on a weekly basis and has no 5 year plan. OMW!!

-          Remedy: Let it go and do not mix it with you daily life. Let them have their own key and never say anything about it. If you rely on them and they don’t show up because they are sleeping it off then it’s time to learn how to drive(in my case) so that you can be your own person. When they are ready to quit, they will. Otherwise just go upwards and onwards. My biggest downfall that led to anger was that I cared more about his future more than he did. I cared more about the damage that he was causing to himself and all the broken relationships that came with it. If a substance hurts your family and you choose to continue with it that automatically means you choose it over your family. And they will eventually choose themselves over you too.

2.       If they are always defensive.

Omw, there is nothing that I hate more than a blanket apology because when they get used to throwing it around, it will never stop. If they are always defensive it can also mean that they don’t see what they did wrong. They will defend/justify what they did with their last breath. Some people only apologize so that you can let them in again. And when everything is quiet and just when they are at the center of your heart again, they strike. Like a vicious snake and leave you to bleed out. I've gone through this so many times and trust me it will never stop until you stop listening to the justifications and the reasons. At the end if they love you and they know what they are doing is wrong and they still do it, only to put in all their effort defending it then you are just a clock on the wall. Just ticking away till the next time they do that again.

-          Remedy: If you manage to remain calm, just occupy yourself with something productive like dishes or calling a friend about something silly to sort of get the edge off. When everything is calm again then talk about where it all went wrong and where there are areas of improvement. If that doesn’t work then depending if you can live with that or not you move on and build around it/learn to ignore. If it's a dealbreaker and they can't seem to fix it, then it's time to call it a day and move on.

3.       Dependence

One thing about troubled siblings or partners is that they always need something from you. Maybe they always want money or they always drive your car or something similar. Like clockwork, especially if you can’t say no. But then it angers you to think they can’t do something of a minimal effort for you but they always expect something significant from you. You should never feel like you're the one making the most effort. No relationship can exist if it's only one-sided because then it's destined for failure for sure! Before the most important person in your life can be the one you care about, it first has to be you. Because you can't be there for others, if you yourself are not there. So if YOU feel like you're always the one giving, it's time to speak up and let them know that it's time to pick up their socks!!

-          Remedy: Step 1 is to say no. If that’s not possible then always ask for something they owe you in order for them to get what they want because chances are that they will not be able to give it back. It’s a bit difficult to apply but will help your emotional state. Step 3 is to let the person know that it's time for them to put in a little effort. Sometimes guys can get so comfortable and take you for granted so in order to fix that you'll need to let them know that they need to treat you right or fairly(in case of brothers).

It’s quite sad when people that obviously care about each other go through a rough patch but it’s so important to not be a boiling pot because it makes you feel insane and nothing is solved at the end.

So in finding the sore spots I hope you can find the time to resolve it in a more peaceful way so that everybody can learn from each other!

Restore Peace,

SUBTLE GIFTS for someone you LIKE

Hi everyone!

So this idea came to me recently when I was talking to this stubborn guy who recently got a care package from a girl who likes him but he’s just to self-obsessed to notice which is really sad. But there are a lot of guys out there (warning-do enough research) that would actually not only appreciate the gift but will totally get the hint!

So let’s get started. First you have to know what you want you want. Or you need to know what the outcome will be or how you want the outcome to be. And second make sure that the person is not already seeing somebody. We just don’t do that. And thirdly you have to be really light-hearted about it because you have no idea how it’s going to turn out!

1.       Care packages

Even though I would strongly advice against these, with the right guy or girl it could really be a game changer. The first thing that’s super attractive in a care package is all the effort that goes into it. It can be a box or a basket and what it consists of is ultra-important because it reveals the amount of effort that it required. So it can be a combination of small treats or maybe a basket of make-up products or accessories.

2.       I think there’s nothing more personalized that souvenirs because they tell you that you were on their mind while they were away from you. Especially right before one of you makes it official. This quite tricky because they can also range from too small/generic to excessive/over the top. So depending on how long you’ve known the person and how progressive you little fling has been will determine which gift you should get or which one you can expect.

3.       Textile

I personally don’t like it if people buy me shoes or clothes mainly because I like deciding what to get by myself. And it’s quite a process. But I know some people love to see what kind of heels someone would get them or generally what’s trending that season like biker jackets or things with fringe stuff on it. I think in this regard you must really know the person’s style in order to get them the best gifts. It’s like getting them a fragrance. I like fruity/floral scents so I would like something in that range because sandalwood and cinnamon makes me feel sick. So in your time of flirting it would help to sort of project your friend’s style/preference.

4.       Practical gifts

The beauty of the flirty stage is that you’re getting to know each other. That will also actually determine if you guys like each other. Because if he’s not that into you you’ll be able to see by his lack of interest during this stage. The best thing about getting to know another person is when they seem to complain about one thing. It can be something around the house. Like lightbulbs which you can help her with or it can be how he eats steak everyday in which case you can make him an alternative meal or treat him to lunch(I choose the latter because I could use an alternative meal plan all together!

5.       Letters

I know how bad this option can be and I know there’s only 1% of guys on Earth to understand the sincerity of a written letter (also e-mails now). I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I like everything written. People say the worst things but I feel like when you write there’s no time so say bad things. Even if it’s not my friend’s thing I would want him to know that it’s my thing.

A bit of TMI with that last one but I thought it would add some personality to this list of recommendations! What do you guys think? What has been your experiences?

Love,

10 TIPS to get through a STRESSFUL week!

Hi guys!

I’m finally working from home again and I could not be more thrilled! I actually took a day off yesterday just to reset my aura! And today I was totally sleepy after lunch because I think that day off did not work! So thinking back now I truly do not how I survived 2 whole months of suitcase living but I can share some tips that I really found helpful!

I think the key (after hopelessness) is taking each day one step at a time. The was a lot of last minute changes and a lot of geographical changes that I normally would’ve found nerve wrecking but after that feeling my mind immediately went into solution mode which I really appreciate. Sometime a decision starts in the mind and your body will follow.

10 tips to get you through a stressful week

1.       Planning is so important. Not having a plan leads to you dragging your body through the week which will make that week longer. So if you have proper planning you’re able to not only take it day by day but also task by task.

2.       Break down your planning into manageable portions. Which links to the tip mentioned above. It helps you to not feel overwhelmed but helps your mind focus on one problem/section of the project at a time. Your mind feels at ease if it’s able to scratch a complete task when it’s complete.

3.       Always factor in some time for mistakes/errors. Your mind can have a fit if something goes wrong while you’re trying to manage chaos in your week. So it helps to factor in traffic, re-doing work that you might’ve messed up or did not do well. Sometimes it also helps to factor in some time for mood swings because you might work slower and might be less productive.

4.       Always be ready to handle conflicts. Recently when I was trying to remain calm there was a girl who basically decided to be ‘a difficult person’ for no reason and I even gave her an opportunity to apologize. When she did not I was so angry which normally produces moments of tears with me and I was unproductive that whole day. The next two days I was committed to ‘regrouping’ but I did not speak to her until she apologized. Point is this happens a lot and unexpectedly. The time to regroup is super important!

5.       Never abandon a good diet. Sometimes when you don’t plan meals then you’ll always be hungry. So then 2 months later you realize that you only ate bacon and white bread from KFC.

6.       Make sure you get enough rest. One week has A LOT of days so if you spend your weekend also doing something exhausting then you will burn out on a Tuesday and trust me nobody recovers when there’s 3 days left.

7.       Always factor in additional changes of scenario. When I was in Pretoria I had to go to the border of Botswana!! It was horrific but being notified in time I was able let my mind get used to it and it turned out to be a pleasant trip!

8.       Always have a 2L bottle of water. OMW. That really helped me on this trip. Even though going to the bathroom was so frustrating I never had headaches or felt that I was dehydrated. So it kept me focused and full of energy(with the help of a cup of coffee*)

9.       Discover your strengths and weaknesses. I feel like being pushed helps you discover your inner survivor. So you learn what you are good at/what you enjoy and also what you can do now that you thought you could not do before.

10.   Always make sure you’re better than the previous version of yourself. Going through something stressful you don’t really see what you’re really going through until it’s over. So at the end of a stressful task/project do not accept remaining the same. You’re stronger, wiser and most of all more qualified so take time to acknowledge your new knowledge!

Always be ready to climb the next mountain!

Love,

Essence Glossy Stick Review

Hi everyone!

I’ve just been taking it easy and literally trying to rest. But, when the sun is out you have limited lighting and I really wanted to try the Glossy Stick that I got 2 days ago. I also loved the moisture when I swatched it so I was definitely excited to test it out with a day look.

I’ve never really seen the importance of lip liners until recently when I got the Avon Matte lipsticks and it just looked so dodge with an undefined lip line. It smudged really easily, especially because my lower and upper lip are not the same size and I really find that unflattering and messy. So now I got from nude to red so I’m definitely going to look more put together.

I have to say I have nothing but good things on this product. It’s not too waxy and the glossy finish is not too overwhelming. It sits well for hours and keeps its colour. I only re-applied when I was done eating. To compliment the lip I also used the Essence Lipliner in ‘Berry on my Mind’. I think the overall look was just really classy and chic.

Have you guys tried it out?

What do you guys think?

Love,