HOW TO shop for boys| BASICS

Hi everyone!

So recently an old friend of mine asked me to help him set up a new wardrobe.

Some background…This one time I went out to breakfast with him, he wore blue trackpants, white sneakers and a hoodie – let’s just say I had a lot of meditation to do on our way there. But it didn’t really bother me because I knew that that’s probably what he found ‘comfortable’. LAAAWD!!

Keep in mind is that this guy is a bit shy, nerdy and about my height if I’m wearing flats.

My focus is to find him a comfortable wardrobe and add a little something extra.
Make him a bit noticeable.

So I’m thinking more Adam Levine/Lunga Shabalala/Lala’s Chris/Chris Pine/Aldis Hodge
If you don’t know Aldis Hodge – he’s that gorg guy on Leverage!! I’ve married him a couple of times while I was daydreaming.

So here’s what I’m what I’m looking for.

-A lot of basic tees. I also have to keep in mind that winter is around the corner so I’ll also be getting some long-sleeved ones.
-Up to 4/5 new quality denim pants. I’m not really into skinny jeans for guys. Some guys just can’t pull it off. So I’ll opt for that 5th one to be a beige/dark green chino. It doesn’t stand out too much to draw eyes to him.
-I also love a good old fashioned denim jacket so I prefer those thrifted. But not for a denim on denim look. Again – some guys just can’t pull it off. I also want to add casual blazer in there and one leather jacket(only if he looks good in it)
-For some winter gear. Guys, I’m a total sucker for a guy in amazing knitwear. Especially if he’s rocking that look with a 3 day old stubble and grey beanie? I just say my husband flash in front of me ( #justsaying). So I’ll be looking around for some cardigans and wool jerseys.
-And then shirts. I have no problem with a white shirt and black tie. But seriously get some colour in there! I think light-skinned guys can pull off darker colours. But dark-skinned guys should stay away from those colours and stick to the lighter side of the colour palette. Right now I’m into the white/blue combinations, soft pink/purple colours and the ones with a distinctive print. I think they look gorg on anyone. Just a sidenote – blonde guys should never wear light green. Omw.
Every guy has shoes and belts. But I think I’ll get this guy a brown combination. I lot of guys have been rocking that with blue suits! So gorg. On anyone! I’m not really a fan of belt buckles so I’d keep it clean and simple.
I think guys should have shoes for every occasion too. Not the same shoes for every occasion! Sneakers are fine. Just pick their days. Also, there’d different types of sneakers so have days for them too. Formal shoes for me shoes look classy. Not with gold/silver studs or to long that it curls up at the front (goodness!) Also (this is a preference) the shine should be minimal. I’d rather have you earrings that have the shoes do that function.
A new look isn’t complete without trying a new hairstyle. For guys – the options are limited but I’d like to think that nerds are wildcards so they can pretty much try anything because they’ve stuck ‘to what works’ for a long time. So that celebrity hairstyle that’s on your phone? Get it done!
As I’m writing this I’m realizing how much more I have to say! So let’s call this part one of minimal style for guys. If you guys want to discuss it further please let me know in the comments below!
What would you add to make my friend’s wardrobe more complete? How different/similar is your style?
Xx
Jabi

Opinion || Why I think Loneliness doesn't exist

Hi everyone!

Just some background - I am now 23 and started my first job. Before this I was in university for 5 years. I guess in highschool I was very driven. I only ‘played’ with the other kids on the weekends but in the week I had a lot of homework so I had to focus on doing that. What people also don’t know is that I went to a not only white, but Afrikaans school. I had English for 50 minutes a day and if we didn’t have any work, there would be no English anyway. So in high school I was highly competitive (don’t know why) throughout. So I was always occupied.

In university I had to oversee a project where I was working with 1st years and the one girl said that she’s always a boyfriend (not the same one) all the time because if she didn’t have one she’d be lonely. I was just so flabbergasted! And a lot of the other girls agreed with her.

During the week now I’m always occupied with work and by the time I get home I just pass out! On weekends I try to work or I’m glued to the TV like the rest of my family and just catching up on their lives. Which usually goes like - I have to listen to my younger sister’s essay and help her with a school project of some sort. Then help my mom cook something or listen to her about an encounter she had with some rude person she put in his/her place (that always happens for some reason). Then I have to help my other sister get her things ready for starting school in 2nd semester and also help her look for a job so that she’ll have spare money when school starts and also pull some other parts about her life from her (she’s an extreme person in a bottle in the middle of the ocean type of person). Then my brother will call me, also needing me to do something for him.
It’s a full time job!
 I’ve just never been lonely. Exhausted. Yes. Alone? Maybe. I’m just going through a phase where it feels like no-one really gets me. But I’m slowly learning to let that go. There’s nothing I can do about it, so I’ve stopped having sleepless nights about it.
Here is why I think people feel lonely and some ideas to help you overcome it:
You constantly need people around you. There’s nothing wrong with that. Some people just need that conversation tune in the background even if they’re not part of it.
Try to spend the weekend without people. Get some activities like books and movies you haven’t seen or watch a marathon of a TV show that was recommended to you. Or take your closet apart and repack it. Give some of it away! Draw up a wishlist. Go to the mall – not with the intention to see someone.
Go on a 4 hour roadtrip with ONE friend. Look outside. Have a laugh. Rest somewhere. Wake up. Eat lots of pancakes. Take selfies with strangers.
Visit places with beautiful scenery. Flowers, statues, waterfalls, etc! Take a hat and sunnies so that you’re not conscious of other people. If you’re afraid of looking lonely then take a camera with you!
Pick up a new hobby. Most people pick the gym. Go the extra mile and get a personal trainer. Membership is easy but the money you pay your personal trainer will get your butt out the door. Be a volunteer somewhere where there’s other people you don’t see in the week!

I hope that will help you take that first step! This is not an overnight thing. And it also help if you don’t tell yourself that you’re lonely. What you say is what you are!!

Love,

Jabi

How to get Berry Lips - Part one

Hi everyone!!

Today I'm doing an unusual tutorial because I've never really done a make-up look on the blog before. So since starting work I've stuck to neutrals on my lips but every now and again I'll go all badgirl berry for fun. So today I'm showing you how I put the look together without actually having all the 'right' tools!

This is the look!

What do you guys think?

Step 1: I use my mom's grape lipliner to line my lips. I've found that without it I struggle to use a lip crayon or a normal lipstick because I just find myself looking like a hot mess. So lipliners have literally saved my life.

 Step 2: the strange part - Here I use Red as my 'base' for my matte lipgloss because I don't have a grape/plum lipstick yet. It has a lot of moisture so it's perfect to act as a foundation for the next step.

Step 3: Apply matte lipgloss! Guys I luuuurve this lipgloss. Spoke about it in a previous post and I'm stick sooo addicted to it!

These are my tools!

Coppelia Colour  lipstick in 'Crimson Red'

Coppelia Colour matte lipgloss 

Colorlook lipliner in 'grape'

All these products can be found at Avroy Shlain. Avon is also a pretty good option!

How to Disconnect

Hi everyone!

Last year was a pretty awful year and so many things just went wrong. I was exhausted - mentally, physically and just so emotionally drained. If you really want to be happy be sure that you know what you want to become before you run off to college because it’s really in those last moments when you’ll have to decide if something is really worth it. Learnt that the hard way.

So I’m going to take you through the journey I went through when my world came crashing down. To be clear - this ended up being the best thing that has happened to me. When you’re a level 2 control freak like me, your world no longer makes sense when you’re not in control.
So this is what I went through to completely let go:

Go home.

Delete your Facebook account. Don’t just avoid it. Delete it and never go back till you’re ready. All you’re missing is just people having a good time and that will make you feel worse about what you’re going through.

Log out of Twitter. If you want to follow recent fashion trends or follow people who do positive things like pastors and motivational speakers – then open up another twitter account and only follow them. When you’re better you can always delete it and go back to the one you had.

Delete Whatsapp. If you have caring friends then they’ll obviously worry about you. You know you’re not okay so imagine them asking you if you’re okay everyday? It will drive you insane!! Cut off all communication.

Tell your friends in advance. If you’re going on a journey of total isolation, it
doesn’t mean that people will stop looking for you. So tell your friends that you need some time. It’s important to assure them that you will let them know when you’re available again. I took 3 months for me to be alone and having friends who understood that made it a do-able journey.

Tell your family to leave you alone. If you have a mom like mine, something like that is not easy and was an ongoing struggle for me. She just didn’t understand what I was going through. She wanted me to have ‘a plan’ and for the first time I wanted to let go of all my plans and she wouldn’t let me. It will always end up in an argument, then I’ll cry and she’ll let me have a day or 2 and then start pecking at me again. Up until one day my cousins spoke to her and she gave me some breathing room. If your family doesn’t listen to you get someone who they will listen to, to speak to them.

Make a decision about atleast one thing. When at cross roads you definitely know that one of those roads are definitely not worth travelling. You’re not sure about it but you definitely know it won’t bring you happiness. Sometimes your family will force you to go on it because they think it’s what is best for you and because the one you want has no promises. It is here where you need to take a stand a make a decision that you know will benefit you in the long run.
Prayer. Obviously we are all different. But through my journey all I could do was pray. Pray that I didn’t make the wrong decision and also that something will happen that will show me where to go. Since then I’ve been so blessed and showered with favour. And that’s another thing about things just happening…it’s hard. It comes with other factors that will test how much you want this new thing that’s just been handed to you. Perseverance is key.
I feel like I can talk all day about this topic because it has really shaped my life to where it is now. I feel different and I can say that I’m happy about letting go. It’s truly liberating!
Talk soon
Jabi

How to BUILD Confidence from the ground up!

Hi everyone!!

When I look up the word confidence I just found long sentences trying to explain it but loved what was said about ‘self-confidence’ just a bit more.

“when one does not dwell on negative consequences one can be more ‘self-confident’ because one is worrying far less about failure/disapproval of others following potential failure. One is then more likely to focus on the actual situation which means that the enjoyment and success in that situation is also more probable.”

I mean... doesn’t that just speak to you? Confidence is really something you build inside. Later on people will be able to see it on the outside. And it does not happen overnight – practice makes perfect!!

So throughout my life I was known as that critically shy girl. It was just written all over me. You could see it in the way I walk, talk, dress and I guess in the way I carried myself.

Until I got to university and developed a love for fashion and all things pretty. And part of the reason was probably because I could now buy it myself. Before, my mother tried to make me a tomboy and she bought my clothes that made me feel so ugly and buried.

Getting new clothes also meant looking more confident because I can’t have hunched shoulders in a beautiful bodycon dress. Unless you really want to destroy it. Had to walk up straight and pretend to be a pro in heels (not pretending meant letting everyone see that you do the funky chicken).

So here are some quick tips to help you look confident:

STAND UP STRAIGHT! Obviously this is like step one of life. People just respond better to what you say if you look like you care about yourself and you know what you’re talking about.
KNOW YOUR BODY! Don’t wear things that don’t fit you. People judge you based on that sometimes even if they don’t say it. Their minds make that decision for them.

BE APPROACHABLE. This is still an ongoing struggle for me. Doesn’t matter how friendly I try to be, people still feel afraid to get to know me. But once they do, they don’t understand where I’ve been all their lives!!(lol)

IT’S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT. You don’t have to like stuff that other people like. Part of being confident (like above) is to enjoy what you like. Be who you like to be and not what a box that people might place you in.

DON’T CARE about things that don’t add value to your life. This took me a long, long time to master. I used to lie awake at night thinking about something someone said and 3 days later it would still bother me while that person lives on. That is precious time that I will never get back.

MAKE-UP! It is such an effective tool in trying to look strong, confident and sane. One day I was probably having the worst day and a friend of mine was like ‘Wow, you sure look good for someone who’s going through something like that’ and I was like YAASSSSS!

A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! It’s so infectious. And a powerful tool of not accepting defeat.

DO YOU FEEL HALFWAY THERE ALREADY?

Obviously you don't have to do all these things at once! Take it one day at a time! Sooner or later people will start to notice it!

Lots of Love

Jbi!

How to pack your handbag for a job far away

Hi everyone!

So as you all know I travel about close to 2 hours per day to and from work. It has not been easy and I think I can share my experience with you. I’ve also come to realize that as much as I complain about the frustrating seated hours then I remember that some of the people have been using this, and no other way, as a means of going to work everyday for years.

I’ve already done a bag tag but that was for everyday use so what’s different here is what I carry to work. And yes – it’s a bit heavy.

So for my job I carry the following:

Laptop – I have a separate bag for this as I know that will be undisturbed on its own as well as any other documents I have will be store in the there.

Umbrella – I was once caught unarmed in a rainstorm. Let’s just say it shaped my life for the better. A forecast is almost never accurate so I never want to be unprepared.

A charger – My phone is always flat. So after lunch I’ll connect it to my laptop so that if there are any emergencies on the way back I can call somebody( Momi (lol!))

Make –up bag. It carries only the basics. Concealer, Foundation, Mascara, Browliner, Lipsticks, etc. It has a compact perfume, a hair brush and some lady emergency gear.

My flats – I can’t run in heels, so I always bring my flats along for anything that requires running. Or if I don’t feel like wearing heels.

Purse – cards, money, and memory stick.

Earphones – the road gets pretty boring. In the morning I use classical/soul music to sleep on my way to work (I get up at 3am so it’s the only way to catch up on some zzz) and then I RnB and pop it up when I go home.

My MP4 player

Pain/Tension headache/ Allergy medication for emergencies

And sometimes I’ll have a lunch box packed.

Some tissues. I have the bladder of a toddler.

A pair of glasses and sunnies.

Check out my normal bag in the bag tag on my channel!!

Share yours with me!!
Comment down below with your links!

Lots of love,
Jabi

How to end a BAD friendship

Hi everyone!!

From the title I guess it sounds pretty harsh right?

It’s actually more real than anything else. I recently read an article in Seventeen Magazine about a girl who was raped by her boyfriend. If that wasn’t enough to creep me out I just can’t forget her saying that when she brought up it up with her friends they just didn’t LISTEN to her. This obviously worst case of bad friends so I’m just blessed I guess – to have all my friends in my life who would have really listened to me.

So today’s kind of bad friend is really someone who you really burdens you.

These things have happened/ currently happening:

·        You show up for their accomplishments and they never celebrate yours with you.

·         You are always calling them and they don’t bother to check in with you with any of the IM platforms   available

·        You always ask about things happening in their life and they never go..’and you?’

·        When they need alone time they don’t notify you and then blame you for not checking on them

·         They always judge/criticize you when all you really needed was someone to talk to

·         They make you feel negative about life whether it’s them always complaining about life/you feeling depressed

These are basically all the things that indicate ‘bad friend’ to me. I know that some people have it worse but maybe it’s because I don’t have time to invest quality time into a friendship that won’t have a positive influence on me. I always strive to be the best friend that I can be so in return all I basically need is for someone to do that for me.

If you have a bad friend like that sooner or later they won’t show up to something that is at the top of your list of important things that you would have sacrificed your own personal plans to be there for them.

It’s really the little things for me that speaks volumes.

Obviously we can’t be where we want be at the same time but a friend always knows how to celebrate you from miles away and how you feel about certain things and what it means for your friendship to spend quality time together.

Friendships that are a burden for you will poison you whether it’s happening now or not. You can have a million facebook friends but at the end of the day only your best friends will worry about you/check up on you and call you on your birthday. Those are the ones worth keeping. And those are the friends we all appreciate.

Have you ever walked away from a friend? What was your dealbreaker?

With love

Jabi

Introvert girls’ guide to appreciating a good guy

Hi everyone!!

Today’s post is basically my opinion on how to choose the one who chooses your heart.

I think some of my best friends are so close to my heart because we share the same values. So through the years we’ve just had our own life experiences and now we are here. Where we definitely know what we don’t want. And it’s truly amazing to get here in one piece.

So this is an open letter to my friend…and to all girls who can identify with it.

I know almost nothing about love. So this is a bit out of my element. Never really been
in love either so I don’t know what it’s like to jump off a roof like that hoping that he will catch you. I guess I’ve just never put so much trust in anyone. Never mind a guy. I just don’t have the courage to do that yet. So this is just some background.

But through all the years in high school and 5 years of university I’ve learnt some valuable lessons through the eyes of my friends’ life experiences.

Today I think I’ll look through the eyes of my one best friend.

Love comes in all shapes and personalities. People just express themselves differently. My mom always says that as girls there are certain things that we just can’t live without. Or go the whole day without hearing. And we’re all different in this regard. We want to hear that we are loved and we want people to tell us things that they’ve noticed that make us unique. Like how they see that you’re stressed/upset/worried without us knowing that we were reacting that way. Or hear them say something you thought went in the one ear and the out the other. Or when they surprise you without a reason or randomly pick you up for coffee/ a random walk.

Having grown up conservatively and I guess under difficult financial pressure we’re just obsessed with finding someone who can take care of us. We can take care of ourselves, ofcourse, that’s why we worked extra hard in school to make something of ourselves. So I guess on the way we just want to stop carrying the world on our shoulders and just kick back our heels and briefcases and have a glass of wine brought to us now and again. Is that really too much to ask? Lol!

I just think that now we need be free. We know what we want so instead of looking for it we should be careful not to let it pass by in pursuit of something perfect. Love is not something we find, it’s really something we create. Just like the SELF. And I’ve truly learnt that the hard way. And it was through the journey of trying to find myself that I came to the realization that I need to re-create.

Same with love. Walk away if it doesn’t bring you what you need (which is like the hardest part) in order to sustain happiness. Life is still happening. And I’d just prefer going through it with my best friend who’s also looking for happiness.  And has lots of it to give.

Share your experiences with me!!

Comment with your links below – I would love to read your story!

Xx

Jabi

First Job Jitters( an update)

Hi everyone!

I think I owe you guys an update!

So recently I started a new job and it’s been quite stressful. Let me be clear though I like what I do and it’s what I went to school for. I think at the time I got it I had run out of options and felt really bad that I couldn’t contribute to my family. Also at the time - everyone was pretty much getting back from the holidays so money was really really scarce. So I decided to pause my ‘figure my life out plan’ and basically grow up.

So it’s an 8-5 job errday type of job and I honestly have to say that I’ve never been so tired in my life. I thought that I was tired during university but now I realize that I was soooo kidding myself. Luckily my new team isn’t that big which I guess has its pros and cons. Some days I wish that there were more so that there’s (I guess) a chance that there’s a person with my sort of personality. If I could describe them I’d probably say that they are extremely technical, numerical and focused, which is not unusual in this sort of environment. This just means that I’m just all alone in a group of people five days a week.

I’m so grateful to God because I feel like getting here was just prayer and God showing me favour. When we underwent training there was a lot of people there who were talking about some of their friends who were still looking for a job. One of my best friends is also looking and she’s qualified so this was totally relatable. I’m a huge believer in the relief you experience when you cry - so every night when nothing went well during the day I’d reserve the nights for sobbing. Not the depressing kind though because on each new day I was just ready for new things!

So what’s next for my blog? I’ve been asking myself this question so many times because since I started working I leave before the glorious crack of dawn and return home wayyyy after sundown. And so far I’ve had zero time for shoots or reviews or hauls or any of my favourite things! It just truly breaks my heart to live this way! Worst part is – there is really nothing I can do about it until I move closer to work and I have no idea when that will happen right now.

So I just need you guys to know that I’m alive!! I’m just in another phase in my life where I have to pay bills and stuff! I hope that we can grow this year because now I will actually be able to do hauls more often and sort of grow into the style that I identify with!

Lots of Love!!

<3