Monday, 12 June 2017

Hello June

Hi everyone!



It’s been a minute! As we speak I’m sitting in front of a heater trying to keep warm. Nelspruit has NEVER been this cold. Last year I got a fan heater and barely used it. This year has been pretty interesting. I haven’t even gotten used to say that I’m 25 because I barely got time to celebrate it but things are definitely looking up, finally!

I always feel like I have to careful about what I share online now but like I’ve said before – my channel and blog is all about being open because I tend to be closed off and I started my blog because I didn’t want to be that way anymore. You guys know that every year is hard for me and I’ve always sort of had a meltdown about it. This year, however, it has gone quite a bit weird.

I bought a car last year and having it was quite hard. I was super scared of driving so if I could walk rather than drive, I would walk. And I never went to work with it because it would force me to drive my colleagues around and the reimbursements for that were never guaranteed. And before long I was forced to sell it in order to get my financials back on track.

So in December I had to kick out my brother because he was never reliable and he always put his friends before his family. And when the time came for them to do the same they kicked out like day old turkey which was a good opportunity for a lesson learned for him. So then no matter how much I advertised I did not get someone to fill his room by January so the whole month’s rent was on me which was really devastating.

Then I tried to survive from that and got someone in February but finances still kicked my butt because my family lived with me for 5 months and in that time I maxed out my credit card. A definite bad call and also filed under Lesson Learned. So then I finally sold my car but had a 20k shortfall on it which was the best deal I could get at the time. That hard time also taught me a lot about cars. Now by this time I’d been trying to sell it since February. It finally happened in April and I had to survive the rest of the month with the installment of the car already subtracted from my account.

Then at the end of that month I had to go to my cousin’s wedding that I only found out about in March that I couldn’t miss. Fortunately my mom was able to secure some cash on credit so that she can save me on the car and that also allowed me to go to the wedding. Then I was able to pay her since then sort of half of what my car’s shortfall was worth seeing that my contract ends in January (So I can only afford to make payments till January). So that’s what I’ve been doing since end of April.

During this time I’ve had additional issues. I haven’t been going to church, both my phones stopped working and I’ve become a total pessimist. My channel has been on a standstill and I was just not able to talk about it because I was trying not to be a mess in order to function properly at work and to appear normal which is of great personal growth to me. I normally crack at the first sign of a problem. And only fix it months later. I also had assignments and exams during this time and had great marks but I haven’t had money to pay tuition in order to see if I’ve passed or not but that will also get solved in the time when it does.

My biggest lesson in all of this is definitely to calm the f down. I’m always like a champagne bottle when it’s opened. I always run over. But now I’ve had to be okay with things I can’t change. For example – I’ve always wanted to learn how to highlight and contour. But without the proper funds and ‘good debt’ I’ve had to put it on hold for a year now. I’ve learned how to do my own hair and be okay with not shopping for clothes. My bedroom has looked the same for the past 2 years and I’ve had to be okay with that too. If you know how much I like d├ęcor you’d know how much of a slow burn that is for me. So basically I’ve just had to be okay with basics. I haven’t done that since the first few months of varsity in 2010!!

IT’S OKAY.

That’s become my 2 most spoken words. They save my life every day.

They can do the same for you!

One day at a time,

Love

Monday, 8 May 2017

A Traditional Family Wedding

Hi Everyone!



I just came back from my cousin’s wedding in the Free State! Gosh, I was soooo tired that I just climbed in bed when I got back and even had to take a day off in the week. I was, however, quickly restored because I’ve been on such a ‘happy high’ because I had a fantastic time catching up with my extended family!

So my cousin had a traditional wedding with a twist I guess (it’s becoming a trend in my family now) and all my family members looked absolutely amazing! The bride wanted the wedding to have a blue ‘shweshwe’ theme which really came together on the wedding day. My mom and I also like to edge it up and give it that modern lady look and I actually love how it turned out.

So we left Wednesday night because we were travelling by bus. I was actually super tired because I had a full work day and a bit of overtime that day and had to catch the bus at 11:30pm. We were stuck at Park Station for a while and it was ridiculously cold. I had one handbag and a camera bag with a little blanket (because I was wearing leggings) so that I could use it on my legs if it got cold and had to give it to my mom because she was wearing a denim jacket. I’ll repeat: A DENIM JACKET.

Fast forward to a thousand years later, we finally arrived and literally every member of my family rocked up and I was so happy to see them. I even got to meet a few relatives that I haven’t seen in a while. So my favourite part of the wedding was definitely decorating the venue with the bride and taking all the behind the scenes photos because it helped me to interact with people and capture the best moments.

Mom and I had our outfits made at home so it was relatively affordable and I definitely loved how it came together with the head wrap. The shoes ended up looking bomb with this dress but it was truly not planned because those are the only black shoes I own (other platforms would have been too slippery) that my feet were going to be able to manage to walk in a mountainous structure.







 What do you guys think of the wedding outfits?



xx

Sunday, 23 April 2017

Flirty Florals

Hi everyone!!



Today has been the best day. I finally got time to edit and publish these photos!! I took them a long time ago and I’ve been drowning in work and assignments ever since! I’ve currently been assigned another client and completed most of my assignments so I’m feeling so relieved.

So the story behind the dress. This dress belongs to my sister. She left it by mistake when she moved out and because my work schedule got so hectic I never got time to do my laundry and one day I had no choice but to wear it. OMW. It fit like a glove. I normally like darker florals but this dress really gave me an upbeat attitude on a Monday and I’ve been having the worst term of my life!!

I’ve always worn bodycon dresses or pants with shirts at work because I’ve always been scared that a really windy day would have dreadful consequences for my booty so I’ve never considered shopping for similar dresses. But the material used for this dress gives you that comfort that it would not easily be blown away so definitely more of these in the near future!!




And now for a little update. I definitely want to do a lot more styling posts. I really miss that. And I also want to get back to my channel! Time is so limited and I have so much that I still want to achieve this year. I’m also going through so many changes. And also rebuilding my mindset. I allowed myself to be this negative and depressed person and being stuck in that has really limited my creativity. I’ll also be exploring our town a bit more. I’ve been so stuck indoors for a little more than six months now and I’m really missing out so I’ll be documenting that. (Should I try vlogging it instead?)

Stay tuned!

See you next time!


Tuesday, 11 April 2017

How to ease up your guilty conscious

Hi everyone!


I have a little bit of a writer’s block because I have an insane amount of stress (& heartburn) at the moment which is really good for lifestyle posts because then I have an urgent need to talk about it. I have no idea how I’m going to spend my time this weekend because I also have to go home (3 hours away) because I’ve been summoned to take measurements for my cousin’s upcoming wedding at the end of April. Solution would be to send the measurements right? Try telling my mom that.

So with all the political madness going on it has become even more important to build your own world because you can’t let the national negativity get you down. Neither should you allow  the international depression (Trump is still there. What is happening in Syria?)to trump your spirits. It’s very hard for us (let’s say educated black people) to move back home to minimize fixed costs and to try different jobs seeing that there’s already such a huge unemployment rate in our city and overall country. So sometimes you are stuck in your job.

This year I was supposed to add an academic element in my last year of articles but in order to set myself free I did not register for it and I did not notify my boss. You can imagine what a huge violation that is. I did not resign because I can’t move back home and start over. Thank you, Black Tax. And it was difficult to even get a job I’m over-qualified for. I still don’t know how that’s possible. So I effectively decided to just finish the year and add my completed articles to my CV. Sometimes I want to put it there as ‘3 years of intense slavery’.

So for the first month or so I was riddled with guilt because I have long asked him to be transparent because he’s always late and tells you about a meeting with a client 10 minutes before and expects you to know everything about it by the time you reach their offices. Even after that has been addressed with him, it seemed like he sees lateness and non-transparency as a lux lifestyle so I’ve decided to accept it that about him. Guess where I got my training from? I guess Daddy trained me well.

So how can you stop feeling guilt over something you did but did it for the right reason?
1.       Ask yourself if you could have done it any other way
2.       Ask yourself if this option lets you sleep better at night
3.       Ask yourself if you’re willing to deal with the consequences
4.       Ask yourself if this decision, other than the guilt, makes you happy
5.       Ask yourself if it will bring out new change

Last year I was severely depressed. I used to take sick days multiple times of the year because I did not have the strength to get up to go to work. It’s when I first discovered that your job can actually make you sick. So how did I apply the above?

I could have told my boss but he would have convinced me to register, backed up by legislation requirements (aka legislation threats). He would have also made work hostile because I wanted to ‘retaliate’. So there was no other way. Since making a new path I’ve become more excited about my evenings and weekends because I get to learn something new. I could get fired or my salary could get affected (consequences). Other than the temporary guilt I have been feeling much happier this year. It was hard at first but I’m definitely becoming more care free and happy. I’ve totally embraced the new change! It’s still a bit hard but it’s happy hard. Time management is still a bit of a problem and I’ve had to get used to writing again (for my assignments) so it’s a work in progress.

So you can see how the combination of addressing these questions was able to ease up a bit of the guilt. And it’s also a plus if the corresponding person makes it easy by being an uncontrollably inconsiderate person!

Put yourself first! Be brave!!


xx
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