Hi everyone!
Just some background - I am now 23 and started my first job. Before this I was in university for 5 years. I guess in highschool I was very driven. I only ‘played’ with the other kids on the weekends but in the week I had a lot of homework so I had to focus on doing that. What people also don’t know is that I went to a not only white, but Afrikaans school. I had English for 50 minutes a day and if we didn’t have any work, there would be no English anyway. So in high school I was highly competitive (don’t know why) throughout. So I was always occupied.
In university I had to oversee a project where I was working with 1st years and the one girl said that she’s always a boyfriend (not the same one) all the time because if she didn’t have one she’d be lonely. I was just so flabbergasted! And a lot of the other girls agreed with her.
During the week now I’m always occupied with work and by the time I get home I just pass out! On weekends I try to work or I’m glued to the TV like the rest of my family and just catching up on their lives. Which usually goes like - I have to listen to my younger sister’s essay and help her with a school project of some sort. Then help my mom cook something or listen to her about an encounter she had with some rude person she put in his/her place (that always happens for some reason). Then I have to help my other sister get her things ready for starting school in 2nd semester and also help her look for a job so that she’ll have spare money when school starts and also pull some other parts about her life from her (she’s an extreme person in a bottle in the middle of the ocean type of person). Then my brother will call me, also needing me to do something for him.
It’s a full time job!
I’ve just never been lonely. Exhausted. Yes. Alone? Maybe. I’m just going through a phase where it feels like no-one really gets me. But I’m slowly learning to let that go. There’s nothing I can do about it, so I’ve stopped having sleepless nights about it.
Here is why I think people feel lonely and some ideas to help you overcome it:
You constantly need people around you. There’s nothing wrong with that. Some people just need that conversation tune in the background even if they’re not part of it.
Try to spend the weekend without people. Get some activities like books and movies you haven’t seen or watch a marathon of a TV show that was recommended to you. Or take your closet apart and repack it. Give some of it away! Draw up a wishlist. Go to the mall – not with the intention to see someone.
Go on a 4 hour roadtrip with ONE friend. Look outside. Have a laugh. Rest somewhere. Wake up. Eat lots of pancakes. Take selfies with strangers.
Visit places with beautiful scenery. Flowers, statues, waterfalls, etc! Take a hat and sunnies so that you’re not conscious of other people. If you’re afraid of looking lonely then take a camera with you!
Pick up a new hobby. Most people pick the gym. Go the extra mile and get a personal trainer. Membership is easy but the money you pay your personal trainer will get your butt out the door. Be a volunteer somewhere where there’s other people you don’t see in the week!
I hope that will help you take that first step! This is not an overnight thing. And it also help if you don’t tell yourself that you’re lonely. What you say is what you are!!
Love,
Jabi
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