Today’s post is for those girls who’ve never really experienced unconditional love from a dad before and always knew that they are a daddy’s girl at heart. I am exactly like you!
We all react differently from not having a dad around. Some girls had amazing fathers who passed away and their world came crashing down. I sometimes wonder what that’s like because they feel a great sense of loss of amazing love that they’ve once experienced and no man will ever be able to fill that void.
Instead I have a very cold dad. He’s very indifferent. You can’t make him proud even if you became president. You never get hugs and he’ll never tell you that he loves you. Won’t ask you about how your life is progressing or if there are any changes. He won’t give you advice because he thinks that you’ll figure it out on your own. Will never show you affection because he doesn’t show affection to anyone. Or make you feel safe which makes you yearn for someone to make you feel that way.
I’ve learnt a long time ago to let that desire go. We always pray for things to go our way. But I feel like God will sometimes give you the maturity or the stomach to handle the fact that you won’t get something. Which is why I believe that something better will come into my life that will take care of or remedy this empty feeling.
I don’t go out and look for it though. It’s also the reason why it’s not easy for me to carry my heart on my sleeve. It’s so difficult to explain what you need for your heart to feel whole. So we hide behind these gigantic walls. Sometimes I don’t even know how high mine are. Life, however, is not worth living without those people that want to make us tear those walls down.
Just because my dad doesn’t love me as much as I would have wanted him to, it doesn’t mean that I have no value. It just means that I have to love myself even more to fill his side of my heart and not let it die just because he doesn’t occupy it.
This is just like grieving. You first have to accept the loss and then figure out – where to from here?