The (T)EA in TALK #1: Attachment Fears

Hi everyone!

It is finally time to launch my new segment! The title is not rolling off my tongue yet but I know it will stick! LOL! I think that this will be a good psychological outlet for me. I feel like I’ve always been the rock my friends and family could rely on but since last year I’ve felt so alone and vulnerable and I absolutely HATE IT. Sometimes I think that I’ve always been like this but now it’s rearing its ugly head more and more.

As you can tell from the title, today I’m addressing one of my biggest fears. My commitment phobia. I’ve always been there – I always choose to jump before I’m pushed out. As I’ve previously mentioned in my alonetime these days I always read some interesting articles and I want to feature them in these segments. I follow Marie Claire on twitter and I really feel like such num num for not being on their subscription because they have some awesome articles for women.

The one I came across, that I’ve shared multiple times already, is the article about a woman that has the exact same fears as me – only she’s already married. I feel like I’ve read it over and over. And if someone wants to have an argument with me about when my commitment phobia will end, I remain mute and send them an e-mail with the link. I feel like there’s no-one who explains it better.

I don’t think that my parents’ divorce bother me. I’ve always thought that they were a mismatch. My mom receives love in affirmation (words of love) and gifts (small) and she always needs to be encouraged. She’s also very specific in what she wants. She can be very pushy and stubborn but mostly loving and evolving. My father on the other hand is very straight to the point. His point. Extremely inconsiderate, secretive and has elements of a realist. Also very quiet and ‘in his own world’ so to speak. So in other words – even though she was married, she was always feeling lonely.

And that is the reason why I’m hesitant to let anyone close. I’m yet to come across someone who is so caring that it is irritating. And I have a severe need for security but at the same time – independence. I also feel like most guys around their 30s (or born in the 80s) are extremely traditional. Which I mostly link with how extremely pro man they are and they have all these misconceptions about how women should act and what they should do.

I want to be looked at as an individual first. I want to have a sense of freedom but also feel secure & safe. I want a listener and a person who will make an awesome and present dad. A person who evolves and always wants to be better themselves. A humble & generous soul who has great social skills.

If you stand back and look at this – it screams one thing. I want the OPPOSITE OF MY FATHER. Does that mean I have Daddy Issues? I don’t think so. Ever since I accepted that my father can’t be the Dad I’ve always wanted – we’ve been getting along like a house on fire! The only consequence of our relationship is the fact that I use him as a benchmark when looking for a suitable partner because I want no trace of him in my next chapter.

Thought you had issues..

LOL,

How is your relationship with your dad? Does it affect how you look at your partner? Can you relate to the article like me?

Why Alone Time is Important

Hi everyone!

I literally CAN NOT WAIT to share what I’ve been learning in my new course. Don’t want to be too excited about it but I can’t believe how much I’m liking it! I want to introduce a segment on my blog for the lifestyle called ‘THE (T)EA IN TALK’ which I just thought of yesterday. If I think about it too long it starts to not make sense so I’m running with it!

As I’m trying to navigate through January I’m realizing how strong I’ve become because as per my previous post you can imagine that I haven’t had the best start to the year but in the back of my mind I secretly know that 2017 will be the best year EVER! I’m not just saying that because I hope that will happen but because I’m not going to repeat the same mistakes of 2016. It’s as if my lungs are just recharged (if you were with me physically, I would have said relunged) HAHA!! Omw, what’s wrong with me?

So! With all of this happening I can definitely say that it is hard for me to be charged up all the time. I’m also learning how to drive which has been the worst because I grew up being terrified of driving (My mom is a nervous wreck when she tries to teach me so she freaks out, cries and gives up and my father never owned a car) so I don’t have the best background when it comes to this which is adding block to my progress because I want to be completely independent.

So this week every day (planning to do this till end of January) I’ve been spending some quiet time looking out to the undisturbed plantation at my backyard and catching up on some magazines that I bought but never read. I've also been taking really long baths with scented salts and candles to treat my body. It’s been so lovely that I’ve actually started looking forward to it.

What’s the goal with alone time?

·         So many things rushing in my head. I just want some silence and sometimes the only way to do that is to introduce new and fresh info (like magazine articles and reading people's stories)

·         To really look at myself in a calm state and actually say…despite what’s happening, I WILL BE OKAY.

·         To actually let something sink in well enough to make a decision. E.g: I’ve been stressing about finding a suitable new flatmate since I kicked out my brother in Dec (he contributed to my daily stress) but I’ve processed the situation well enough to know that if I don’t find someone I need to find another place to live.

·         It frees me from my writer’s block that I’ve had for months!

·         It helps me deal with my reality

·         It de-stresses my body. I’m the type of person who gets physical signs of stress. Which is highlighted mostly by extreme fatigue, extreme tension headaches and sometimes by a runny stomach. Sometimes I neglect my diet which leads to obvious weight gain and on other days I don’t eat at all which then leads to dizziness and extreme insomnia.

·         It helps me plan. Sometimes there’s so much to do and so little time and resources so I you can plan and make compromises – you can deal with it better!

Quiet time might sound like a waste of time but I truly advice you try it when your world is going for a spin (other than the spin the Earth already makes) LOL, Omw. Invest in YOU!

LOVE, 

How to get your 2017 BACK ON TRACK!

Hi everyone!

Happy 2017!💕💕💕

I haven’t really done a lifestyle or update post in so long that I was actually weirded out on how to start this one. Normally, I like to enter into the new year like old people. Like be asleep at 00:10. My mom always wants me to be home but it’s really something I like doing alone. This year I tried to stay awake but I was completely gone just before midnight but woke up in time for fireworks and then it was bathroom and then gone again.

Last year I started off the year with some blog goals. Which were good and valid but would have only worked if I had a trust fund. Everything costs money and living in a semi remote area really doesn’t help because access to the internet is ridiculously expensive which affects consistency and basically your appetite to keep your online world going. Let’s not even get into uploading! I don’t even want to know how much that would be per year compared to a person who has access to free internet!

As indicated above, your goals can be withheld by factors that you didn’t really take into account when making those goals. I feel like 2016 was the year of anxiety and depression for me. I can’t even explain it. It’s like when your life ‘juice’ is gone and nothing really matters. I resigned so many times from my job but my manager would not allow me. I was registered to do a course (that I was paying for) that’s in line with my job but as you can imagine – if you hate the practical side (my job) then you’ll hate the theoretical side also.

Here’s how to get back on track:

Ø  Only do something you want to do.

      This year I registered to do Communications Sciences part time. I’m so excited because just looking at the modules, it’s stuff that I’m really interested in. Scary part is that I don’t know I’ll turn it into a career but I figured that I will figure it out when I have the necessary knowledge.

Ø  Be prepared to deal with the consequences. 

      If you decide to move out your parents' house to be independent then you must be prepared to deal with less disposal money or not having things that you were used to. It comes with the one step forward. So in studying something that’s not in my field I could get fired/suspended/be in a lot of trouble. It’s not the best possible outcome but it’s not something that your mind should not receive in shock.

Ø  Take some time off before you implement new year’s resolutions. 

      It’s fun to make them but in February – the gyms are empty. By the time the year starts I’m like on back-to-school mode. I have books, new socks, new hair,etc. But this year I’m getting ready late and on purpose. It was not nice having a bad hair day on the first day but it created the right environment to make a good decision on which hair style I wanted. You only really know what you want when you don’t have it.

Ø  Laugh before you cry. 

      This is weird mostly because I used to not understand people who laugh when facing a crisis. I still don’t get it but I just find myself not believing something by first laughing about it and then crying afterwards when it really sinks in. I don’t know why but it’s much better than helpless crying which used to be sooo destructive.

Ø  Always stay clean. 

      This one might also be hot wired to me but whenever my room is messy – it’s an overwhelming picture of how I feel. I’m not messy in general so it’s not something that always happens. So in order to move forward from whatever crisis, my first goal would be to clean my room (or my surrounding) which in turn helps me start planning on how to fix the relevant crisis at hand. It’s like removing the spider web from my eyes so that I can make informed decisions!

Some of these hacks are from my weirdoville but I hope you understand them enough to apply them in some of your New Year struggles.

Love,