Hi everyone!
It is finally time to launch my new segment! The title is
not rolling off my tongue yet but I know it will stick! LOL! I think that this
will be a good psychological outlet for me. I feel like I’ve always been the
rock my friends and family could rely on but since last year I’ve felt so alone
and vulnerable and I absolutely HATE IT. Sometimes I think that I’ve always
been like this but now it’s rearing its ugly head more and more.
As you can tell from the title, today I’m addressing one of
my biggest fears. My commitment phobia. I’ve always been there – I always
choose to jump before I’m pushed out. As I’ve previously mentioned in my alonetime these days I always read some interesting articles and I want to
feature them in these segments. I follow Marie Claire on twitter and I
really feel like such num num for not being on their subscription because they
have some awesome articles for women.
The one I came across, that I’ve shared multiple times already,
is the article about a woman that has the exact same fears as me – only
she’s already married. I feel like I’ve read it over and over. And if someone
wants to have an argument with me about when my commitment phobia will end, I
remain mute and send them an e-mail with the link. I feel like there’s no-one
who explains it better.
I don’t think that my parents’ divorce bother me. I’ve
always thought that they were a mismatch. My mom receives love in affirmation
(words of love) and gifts (small) and she always needs to be encouraged. She’s
also very specific in what she wants. She can be very pushy and stubborn but
mostly loving and evolving. My father on the other hand is very straight to the
point. His point. Extremely inconsiderate, secretive and has elements of a
realist. Also very quiet and ‘in his own world’ so to speak. So in other words
– even though she was married, she was always feeling lonely.
And that is the reason why I’m hesitant to let anyone close.
I’m yet to come across someone who is so caring that it is irritating. And I
have a severe need for security but at the same time – independence. I also
feel like most guys around their 30s (or born in the 80s) are extremely
traditional. Which I mostly link with how extremely pro man they are and they have all these misconceptions about how
women should act and what they should do.
I want to be looked at as an individual first. I want to
have a sense of freedom but also feel secure & safe. I want a listener and
a person who will make an awesome and present
dad. A person who evolves and always wants to be better themselves. A
humble & generous soul who has great social skills.
If you stand back and look at this – it screams one thing. I
want the OPPOSITE OF MY FATHER. Does that mean I have Daddy Issues? I don’t
think so. Ever since I accepted that my father can’t be the Dad I’ve always
wanted – we’ve been getting along like a house on fire! The only consequence of
our relationship is the fact that I use him as a benchmark when looking for a
suitable partner because I want no trace of him in my next chapter.
Thought you had issues..
LOL,
How is your relationship with your dad? Does it affect how
you look at your partner? Can you relate to the article like me?
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