Quality Time with Family

Hi everyone!

I’ve been feeling awesome lately! I’ve been so stoked to share my family reunion story this year! Last year was so awful because I was stuck in the Northern Cape during the time of our reunion last year! That really bummed me out! Seeing my family is the highlight of the year! So you can imagine how awful it was to not be with my crew for a whole year!

Earlier this year we went to our family wedding and it was amazing even though I wasn’t feeling fresh at the time! I had a really low self-esteem (still feel like that at times) and I was so confused about my life and my career. It still feels frustrating at times but I’ve just been having better days. Travelling there was a complete nightmare. My mom hates driving long distance so we always have to take a bus. The bus from Mozambique is always so crammed and disorganized therefore that leg of the trip is a freakin’ nightmare! But once we were headed to the Free State it was so much better. Mom and I even got into a fight about the family reunion that I’m (I’ll repeat I’M) in charge of for 2019!

How beautiful is this?

When we got there we basically had enough time to do catch ups and planning for the ceremony on Saturday. This year I was part of the organizing committee for the first time so there were a lot of things to do that I had no idea of! My aunt and cousin did such a good job and I was so blessed to have them in my team as they did the most of the heavy lifting. We normally put together a tent, organize music, get the food ready and keep the programme light and easy. Most of the time EVERYONE cries because we consist mostly out of women and we are sooooooo emotional!

Brother & Mom

Mom & her gorg sisters

Lovely hair decor!

Family Identity & wonderful gifts from my aunt! 

Basically this year I feel like we had a lot of healings. We all go through hard times. Like hard, hard times. And I think we’ll all agree that no matter what happens, time with family is time with family. We all walk away inspired. Or feeling a little better about our situation at home. Our health has improved so much over the years and I think it has a lot to do with being super happy. We just feed off of each other and we all come back the following year stronger and just further in life.

If there are obstacles stacked against a group of people to not meet up – it’s us. We are not financially stable, we don’t always get along & we don’t have enough resources to keep up with the world but we ALWAYS make it our priority to come together! So if there’s something to take away from this post is to always prioritize RELATIONSHIPS above anything! It’s the one thing nobody can buy and no-one can take away!

Lead with Love!

xx

Changing your reality

Hi everyone!

September is basically birthday month for ALL my friends. Seeing that we’re so far away from each other this year I decided to dig up some old videos and photos from varsity and share it on our Whatsapp group. LOL! They freaked out so much. And we just laughed because we really did have good times.

It also made me realize how much time has gone by. Next week is our 8^th annual family reunion and this is my 3^rd year in the working world. I feel like going into an emotional fit because exactly 3 years ago I told my family that Auditing & Accounting is not a good career for me. I remember them being really tense about it. It wasn’t an easy decision for me to make because I had just finished up my 5^th year at university that time but I remember being so relieved that I came to that conclusion.

You guys know the story but fast forward to 3 years later, I’ve never felt this depressed in my life. My blog became a place where I shared all the frustrations and a quick fix guide to ‘getting it together’. To be quite honest that really helped me because I would be completely depressed if I didn’t have an outlet for all the negativity. I also feel like I’ve had the most breakdowns than I’ve ever had in my life. Surviving them, only to be brought back into the same situation is the worst thing to ever happen to me.

A few days ago my friend called me in the morning and asked me what I was up to and if I’m alright. At this point in my life – I truly hate that question. The answer is no and please don’t ask me why because the answer is the same. It also brought up the topic of good days and bad days. I’m never okay but I have a job and bills therefore I can’t lie in bed and not get out. When I tried doing that legally, I got a written warning because we’re short staffed and we have a lot of work. So then I don’t have a choice. It’s either I quit or continue to do a job I despise.

Right now all the stress eating and a lack of self-care is showing. I feel so heavy and tired all the time. I never wear make-up to work because I always need to ‘make it’ through the day rather than have a normal work day. I spend my weekend indoors because I’m avoiding to much contact because people who want to catch up have actual stories while I’m still unhappy about my life. These days I’m unhappy with myself.  I’m ruining me. I no longer invest in myself.

Days can go by without me actually knowing what’s happening. I always have deadline upon deadline and the job is getting harder and harder. Worst part is that I need to be fully awake. There are so many changes in my career and I always need to know how it affects my client. And I really couldn’t care less. This makes my contribution worthless. It also makes me the weakest link because the public relies on the work I do and the fact that I never thought about it in that till now absolutely scares and depresses me even more.

Here’s the point (because I can’t stop talking about this): No matter how positive you try to be, you can’t cover unhappiness. You can push a boulder up the mountain but it will only get there if the motive is beneficial for you/result will work in your favour. If not, then the boulder will, if not immediately, eventually crush you. And that’s my life. Mornings are the hardest. I have a second when I have to ponder if my job is worth it. I have to think about all the wrong decisions taken that lead me to this point. And I wouldn’t wish that even on the worst person on this earth.

It’s why it’s important to always revisit the questions: What is my purpose on this Earth? What am I doing? And who am I doing it for? Walking away might not be in the cards but it’s always so important to use all your available time to keep telling yourself that you have purpose and that you are deserving of a way out and that you will not always be drowning in your own sorrow.

Change your free time. Make sure that you don’t spend it crying about what you hate doing!! See if that works!!

xx