How to ease up your guilty conscious

Hi everyone!

I have a little bit of a writer’s block because I have an insane amount of stress (& heartburn) at the moment which is really good for lifestyle posts because then I have an urgent need to talk about it. I have no idea how I’m going to spend my time this weekend because I also have to go home (3 hours away) because I’ve been summoned to take measurements for my cousin’s upcoming wedding at the end of April. Solution would be to send the measurements right? Try telling my mom that.

So with all the political madness going on it has become even more important to build your own world because you can’t let the national negativity get you down. Neither should you allow  the international depression (Trump is still there. What is happening in Syria?)to trump your spirits. It’s very hard for us (let’s say educated black people) to move back home to minimize fixed costs and to try different jobs seeing that there’s already such a huge unemployment rate in our city and overall country. So sometimes you are stuck in your job.

This year I was supposed to add an academic element in my last year of articles but in order to set myself free I did not register for it and I did not notify my boss. You can imagine what a huge violation that is. I did not resign because I can’t move back home and start over. Thank you, Black Tax. And it was difficult to even get a job I’m over-qualified for. I still don’t know how that’s possible. So I effectively decided to just finish the year and add my completed articles to my CV. Sometimes I want to put it there as ‘3 years of intense slavery’.

So for the first month or so I was riddled with guilt because I have long asked him to be transparent because he’s always late and tells you about a meeting with a client 10 minutes before and expects you to know everything about it by the time you reach their offices. Even after that has been addressed with him, it seemed like he sees lateness and non-transparency as a lux lifestyle so I’ve decided to accept it that about him. Guess where I got my training from? I guess Daddy trained me well.

So how can you stop feeling guilt over something you did but did it for the right reason?

1.       Ask yourself if you could have done it any other way

2.       Ask yourself if this option lets you sleep better at night

3.       Ask yourself if you’re willing to deal with the consequences

4.       Ask yourself if this decision, other than the guilt, makes you happy

5.       Ask yourself if it will bring out new change

Last year I was severely depressed. I used to take sick days multiple times of the year because I did not have the strength to get up to go to work. It’s when I first discovered that your job can actually make you sick. So how did I apply the above?

I could have told my boss but he would have convinced me to register, backed up by legislation requirements (aka legislation threats). He would have also made work hostile because I wanted to ‘retaliate’. So there was no other way. Since making a new path I’ve become more excited about my evenings and weekends because I get to learn something new. I could get fired or my salary could get affected (consequences). Other than the temporary guilt I have been feeling much happier this year. It was hard at first but I’m definitely becoming more care free and happy. I’ve totally embraced the new change! It’s still a bit hard but it’s happy hard. Time management is still a bit of a problem and I’ve had to get used to writing again (for my assignments) so it’s a work in progress.

So you can see how the combination of addressing these questions was able to ease up a bit of the guilt. And it’s also a plus if the corresponding person makes it easy by being an uncontrollably inconsiderate person!

Put yourself first! Be brave!!

xx