Hi everyone
Writing about something quite personal today but not talking
about it isn’t helping so hopefully after this post I can finally let it go and
I encourage you to do the same if you can relate to it. These days I try not to
watch Keeping up with the Kardashians anymore because time is of the essence
and I have to spend it building my future. And I promised myself that I
wouldn’t watch repeats/marathons anymore. I will never get that time back!
So in developing my time management a bit I found that I’m
always stressed about my siblings. This is the part that I hate about being
first born. Your life never belongs to you. It’s nice if you and your siblings
get along. I’ve always wanted that. But it’s not what I’ve been given so I need
to adapt to it.
Several things can cause siblings to not get along. Most
common things are comparisons (especially amongst twins or if there’s a black
sheep and a ‘Your Majesty’ or if the last born gets all the attention or if
there’s an academic and a creative). Some people struggle with more serious
things like issues in mixed families (in terms of parents who re-marry) and people who
grew up with struggles with deceases or disabilities or even drug use.
I was hoping to only cater for my situation in this post but
as I’m opening up about I’m realizing that people struggle each day with any of
the above mentioned things and I just fit into one (misplaced dependence). But I’m hoping that what I’ll be
implementing to make effective changes in my life will also help you.
1.
Everyone is a breaking point
I think we all want to help because no-one
wants to see their family struggle or not have anything. But sooner or later
you’ll realize that you are reaching or you’ve reached a point where you have
nothing else to give and because you’ve always given, that family member feels
a sense of entitlement to your possessions or earnings. It’s a hard thing to
stop but if you go into debt trying to take care of a person who is capable
(therefore not disabled to the point where they can’t take care of themselves)
then you have to realize that a line should’ve been drawn when there was still
time.
2.
You are not their parent
It’s not enough to just think it. You have
to say it to them. So that they realize that you did not give birth to them and
therefore you do not need to maintain them. It sounds harsh right? But at this
moment my father (who is my brother’s parent) said to him that he will never
give him another red cent until he starts to take money seriously. But now I
have to replace that source of income? NO!! When they call you needing
something, say to him/her: “Ask your mom/dad.” It’s simple. If they care about
you at all they will realize at this point that you can no longer take care of
them.
3.
Be able to predict
I know this sounds awful but before he pens
anything on any piece of paper he will start with the date when I get paid so
that before the sun even comes up there’s an emergency sounding text on phone.
Like clockwork, before you can even take out your tithe you’ll hear the knock
on the door. Usually this is after they spent ALL of their income on things
that only have their name written on it (or their luxuries). And you're stuck covering their necessities!! But that’s not enough. They have to get a
piece of yours. Without even noticing they become a fixed cost – like rent and
electricity.
4.
Get a friend
If you are unable to say NO (me) then put
controls in place so that when you’re overthrown you can have a voice of
reason. (I’m giving this a test run…we’ll see if it works).
5.
Control Communication
This is also another big issue because I’m
big on communication. So not talking to my brother has caused me a great deal
of stress but I hate myself if I enable him because then I’m not teaching him
to value me and to value my hard work. You know, when we were young and my mom
would give us each halves of a Bar-One, he would devour his piece only to have more of
mine. It seemed insignificant then but now it’s exactly the same. So it’s
important to bend the tree while you’re still able to do so.
I just find myself exhaling properly for the first time this
week which indicates to me that not only did writing this make me feel better
but it also helped to feel unburdened which is also the point of my blog. Also see Heart vs Mind. to help you follow through on decisions you make!
Let me know below if you no longer feel helpless!
xx
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